He blew the smoke out through his nose, just like Mary did, every time.“Enough,” he said.
She turned to look at him now.“What’s ‘enough’?”
He sighed, tapped the filter on the armrest.“Well…I know she had a hard time when you were little.With her, you know…mental health, right?She told me that’s why you lived mostly with your grandmother.And I think she hooked up with some bad guys over the years, eh?”
Rachel nodded.Mary had clearly scratched the surface with him, at any rate.
“I know things are a bit strained between her and Dora,” he continued.“I don’t know the details, but she says she’s trying to make it right.That’s why she’s in there with her right now.I know there was some big fight years ago, when she was a teenager.”He dragged on the cigarette again, then let out a breathy chuckle.“I know I should quit.But it’s about my only bad habit, honestly.”
Rachel almost believed him.
“I’d like you to meet my kids at some point,” he said earnestly.“Before the wedding, I mean.Justin and Dawn.”He smiled at her.“Dawn’s twelve, and I think she’s excited to have a big stepsister.Mary’s told her all about you.”
Rachel tried to meet his smile.Told her what?she thought.I doubt Mary even knows my favourite colour.
“Yeah,” she found herself saying.“That’d be nice.”She swallowed.His eyes were blue to Mary’s brown, light to her dark, and in them, Rachel thought she saw something genuine.She could tell right away that he wasn’t like the other guys Mary had hooked up with, the ones who were completely interchangeable in their looks and failures, threats and vices.Kevin might actually be different.He might actually be good.And maybe even good for Mary.
But would she be good for him?Did it matter?
“Can I ask, though…why are you here?”Rachel posed.“Mary—my mom—only comes here sometimes, for visits.Then usually she and Gran have an argument, and she leaves again.No offence”—she shrugged—“but to be honest with you, I don’t get why she’d bother bringing you here to meet us.Why not just get married?”
Kevin put the cigarette back to his mouth, but found it spent.He just held it then, instead of stubbing it out on the rocks like Mary did before flicking it into Dora’s garden.
“Well, she did try to do that,” he said.“When I first asked her, she just wanted to elope to Niagara Falls, or Vegas or something.But this is important to me.I’d like my kids there, and I’d like you and Dora there.We’re all going to be a family, and family’s important to me.My ex-wife and I messed that up, and I’m trying to do better this time.So…I told Mary I wanted to meet you both before we got married.”
Rachel wondered what he saw in Mary that Dora and Rachel didn’t, wondered whether he knew the whole story.If Mary hadn’t yet told him the ugliest details about her history, did he have a right to know?Perhaps.But Rachel had already taken on enough age-inappropriate responsibility for her mother.It wasn’t on her to force full disclosure on Mary’ssoon-to-be-husband.That was between the two of them.She shouldn’t get involved.And besides, she didn’t really know much about Mary and Dora’s relationship, either.Only that they’d always been at each other’s throats, particularly when Mary was a teenager, and in the years after, when Rachel’s grandfather Walter died.But so much of it stemmed from the way Mary was.She was a difficult person to love.
“The point is, I love her,” Kevin said, and Rachel smiled painfully at the irony.She hadn’t ever heard those words from Mary.I love you.She wondered how often Mary said them to Kevin.
“I can take care of her,” he said.“And I’d like you and Dora to be a part of our lives.”
She studied his face, the flecks of grey at his temples that were conveniently camouflaged by his light-blond hair.Mary’s words to her the previous summer resounded in her mind.
Sometimes it just takes the right person.
Rachel had been offended at the time, that Mary was somehow insinuating she and Dora weren’t “the right” people to steady her ship, that they were lacking in some way, despite being the only ones in the world who would put up with Mary at her worst.But maybe she’d actually found someone who—for whatever reason—could elevate her to her best.
The breeze from the lake caressed Rachel’s bare shoulders as she let her thoughts roll over one another in time to the waves below.Maybe this was the start of a new chapter for her mother, or even Rachel’s relationship with her.Maybe Kevin would be a calming influence on her mother’s waywardness.Or maybe she’d manage to fuck it all up within a year.But the fact of the matter was that Mary would have a keeper—and not just anyone.Kevin was a guy with means and money, and he said that he loved her.Mary would be his responsibility, and there was relief in that fact.There would be no more crisis calls, no more disruptive visits when Mary’s cash or meds ran out.
Maybe this was all, truly, a good thing for everyone.
“So, have you set a date, then?”Dora asked from the head of the table later that evening.Her eyes were fixed on Mary as she chewed the lemon roasted potatoes that Rachel loved so much.
Mary cleared her throat and looked at Kevin, who shrugged.“Not exactly,” he said.“We wanted to talk to all our family first, then decide.But I think we’re agreed it won’t be anything big.Maybe not City Hall, but we were wondering about just the families on a cruise or something.”
“A destination wedding,” Mary said, beaming.“They’re becoming quite popular, apparently.”
“I think my kids would love it,” Kevin added, “and I was telling Rachel, my daughter’s so excited to meet her, she loves the idea of a big sister.A cruise might be a good chance for us to all really get to know each other and have some fun.”
Rachel nodded politely, smiled at Kevin.It sounded idyllic.It didn’t sound like Mary.
“A nice family gathering,” Dora said, setting her fork down.
“Yeah,” Kevin said, taking a sip of wine.Rachel could see the smallest beads of sweat breaking out at his hairline.He was nervous about Dora, who, Rachel had to admit, had so far been less than hospitable to him.She hadn’t had a chance to speak to her grandmother without Mary and Kevin there, so she had no idea what her current thoughts were on the matter.Though she knew she would get them later tonight, once she and Dora had a moment to themselves.All she knew was that she had come back in from her walk with Kevin to find Dora and Mary in aggrieved silence at either ends of the kitchen, the heat of a recent argument hanging over the room like cigarette smoke.
“I know Mary’s had some, uh, some tough times in her past,” Kevin went on, reaching out and covering one of Mary’s hands with his own.He gave it a squeeze.“But I know she’s come so far, and we both feel like this marriage would be such a fresh start for everyone.”Mary beamed at him, and she looked like a stranger.Rachel had never seen her smile like that.
“Oh, so she’s been very open with you, has she?”Dora asked him.“About her past?These ‘tough times’ you speak of?”
