She thought of June’s words, so long ago now.
That’s been women’s lot since the beginning of time.There ain’t no changing it, and the sooner you get that through your head, the better off you’ll be.
But the rules had been written by men, for the benefit of men.Could any woman ever rewrite them?What a fool Emily had been to think that she—from her cozy, privileged corner of the world—could undo that kind of systemic injustice with a few of her own words.Perhaps June was right.There just was no changing it.But how devastating it was to admit defeat.
She probably should have believed the madam from the start, trusted that she—and Eliza, and Annie—might know a little more about the real world than she did, might have some knowledge and experience with the true villains and monsters that Emily had only read about in stories.She should have believed them when they tried to warn her about Stone’s power.But she’d thought she knew better, and now Annie was dead, and Emily could be kept here as long as Stone wanted.She’d come into this place so green and naive and bursting at the seams with idealism.She’d thought her experiences had filed that down a bit, had weathered and wizened her, but she’d gotten too carried away, so caught up in her goals and story that she didn’t stop to listen to the women who truly knew this system.
At some point, she knew, her parents and Doris together would make some sort of effort to secure her release.She wondered how long they would let it go before they started to make inquiries, contact a lawyer.But they would need to expose her and the fact that they’d lied to the court, and Emily’s gut churned at the consequences that might come out of that, particularly for her father.What a disaster this had all turned outto be.She longed for her parents now, but could hardly stand the thought of having to face them after this debacle.
The sound of a door opening at the end of the hall interrupted Emily’s thoughts and she straightened, but stayed where she was on the bed.Standing would release all the heat she’d worked so hard to contain under that blanket.
“Supper, Radcliffe,” Matron Grimes said in her deep voice, which echoed a little down the empty hall.There were no other inmates in isolation right now.Grimes appeared in the door frame a moment later, holding a tray.She took in Emily’s appearance and sighed with irritation.“Look, you need to eat something.”
“I won’t trust it unless Carnegie brings it,” Emily told her for the seventh time.
Previously, Grimes had just scoffed when Emily said this, but this time she hesitated.“Carnegie’s been sacked,” she admitted, a little quieter.
“What?”Emily’s insides swooped.Her only remaining ally was gone now.
“Warden fired her yesterday, because she kept insisting…” Grimes shook her head.“Anyway, she’s gone.But I got this food off the supper line myself, and I tell you, it isn’t poisoned, so just eat it.You’re starving.”
“What about Stone?”Emily asked.The doctor’s name was bitter in her mouth.“What’s—”
“Stone’s not even here, it’s the bloody Christmas holiday now, isn’t it?”
She unlocked the little gate in Emily’s cell door and passed the tray through.After a moment of hesitation, Emily stood and took it, sat on the cold floor and shovelled mashed potato and ham into her mouth with her hands.They didn’t give you utensils in solitary—not even a spoon.Emily looked up at Grimes, who was lingering uncharacteristically with a funny sort of look on her face.
“Look,” she said, dropping her voice and glancing over her shoulder before squatting down close to the door.“If you are who they say you are, keep my name out of it all, and I’ll keep bringing you decent food.”
Emily swallowed.“None of the food here has ever been decent.”
Grimes actually laughed, full-bellied.“You got an attitude on you, I’ll give you that, reporter.But you can at leasttrustthe food if it comes from me, anyway.I can’t say any of this is right, but it’s not my place to have an opinion if I want to stay employed.”
“Can you help me get a letter out?”Emily asked, heart lifting, but Grimes shook her head.
“I can’t do that, but I won’t let you starve, either.That’s as much of a deal as I’m fit to make.”
Emily nodded.“All right.Thank you.”
For once in her life, Emily didn’t know the next step, the next question to ask.After Grimes left and her meal was done, she buried her face in her knees again as a fresh wave of tears erupted, and the darkness descended once more.
CHAPTER 37
RACHEL
June, 1996
JESSICA HAWKINS
ELSIE CHALIFOUX
ANNIE LITTLE
WILMA CARDINAL
EMILY RADCLIFFE
Standing in front of the Jane Doe board in her office, Rachel stuffs a half-stale blueberry muffin into her mouth, a leftover from a Tim Hortons box someone brought in yesterday.But she’s too absorbed in the case to duck out for lunch.
