Even if some traitorous part of me whispered that I did.
CHAPTER14
Tristan
Grabbing everything except my jacket and gun, I went into the bathroom. I didn't wash, preferring to leave her scent on my skin even though I knew I shouldn't. When I was once again clothed, I came back into the bedroom to find Luna had also gotten dressed.
I took a deep breath before turning to face her. She sat on the edge of my bed, her expression open and expectant. I knew it was time to come clean about my past, no matter how dark that truth might be.
"There's something I need to tell you," I said reluctantly, my voice barely above a whisper.
She waited, her body suddenly tense, as if she knew what I was about to say would change everything.
I moved to stand before her, every muscle in my body wound tight. "You know that in my work, there are times when I have to do things normal people would never have to do. People like you and your brother."
"This is about the photo of me and my mother," she guessed. I tried to read her face, to get a feel for what was going through her head, but her expression was carefully neutral. I fucking hated it when she did that. When she shut me out like I was one of her Johns.
I didn't say anything about her snooping around my office. What would be the point now? Instead, I told her what she was too afraid to ask me. "When I was twenty-two, I was given my first solitary job." I glanced at the floor, unable to hold her gaze as I pulled the memories from their box. “Luigi, Luca’s father, ordered me to take care of a problem. A loose end."
I glanced up at her. She hadn't moved a muscle. Did she know what I was about to tell her? "That loose end was your mother."
Her face went white as the blood slowly drained away from the shock of my words.
"I'm the one who killed her, Luna. By order of the family."
She let out a strangled gasp, hands flying to cover her mouth. I pushed on, determined to confess it all, but not entirely sure why I felt the need to hurt her like this, other than that I didn’t want any secrets between us. I didn’t want her to hear about it from someone else who might have this information.
"I was what Luigi and your father made me. What I still am. I didn't question the order, didn't care who she was or why she had to die. I just did what I was told." I watched her, waiting for her reaction, but she just stared at me.
"She was a strong woman," I told her softly. "She was a fighter. Do you remember?"
Luna shook her head violently, tears spilling down her cheeks in rivers as she stood up and backed away from me. "No. No, it's not true," she choked out, her voice breaking on a sob.
"You know that it is. That's why I have the picture. Every person in that safe is no longer living because of me. You and Logan saw me there, standing over your mother's body. There was blood everywhere, both hers and mine. I thought I could just sneak into Gino's house, like I did when I came to see you, but somehow, she heard me. She had a knife." Beneath my shirt, my fingers found the wide, white scar that curved down around my hip. "She nearly unmanned me with that knife. Luckily, the material of my pants was tough, and she was a little off balance when she swung at me, although it did leave a wide scar.”
Luna wrapped her arms around her stomach as if she could feel the cold metal slashing deep into her own skin. Silent tears streamed down her face.
"She was very hard to kill, I want you to know that. She was tough, like you. Tougher than your father is. But in the end, I was stronger than her. And I had a gun. I took my time aiming. I didn't want her to suffer. I just wanted the job to be done. You and Logan came running when you heard the shot." I paused. "I'm sorry you saw that. Both of you. I didn't know you were there, or I would've picked a different time."
"Oh, my god." Her breath came in ragged gasps and her shoulders heaved with the force of her anguish. I'd just shattered her world with my confession, destroyed everything between us. The pain and disbelief were etched clearly across her delicate features.
But she didn't scream or curse me. Instead, in a move I should've seen coming, she turned and grabbed my Glock from the nightstand. And maybe this was what I'd hoped she would do, and that’s why I chose to make this confession when it was right there, within her reach. I wasn’t ever careless with my weapons.
Before I could react, she swung the gun toward me, hands trembling violently, and pulled the trigger.
Fire erupted in my right side as the bullet tore through flesh and muscle, right above the scar her mother had given me. I grunted in pain, gripping my side as crimson blood seeped through my fingers. The force of the shot knocked me back a step, but I kept my feet under me through sheer force of will. I'd been shot before, but this one hurt more than most. It took me a moment to realize it was because it had come from her. The initial burst of agony slowly started to subside into a throbbing, searing ache that seemed to pulse in time with my racing heart.
Luna stared at me, and I could see the horror on her face at what she'd done. She dropped the gun on the floor. "Why?" she choked out. "Why are you telling me this?"
She remembered. I could see it on her face. Bending over carefully, I picked up the weapon, ejected the cartridge, and laid them both on the bed behind me. Easy to reload, but long enough for me to get it away from her if she tried to shoot me again. My side burned like hell, but that pain was nothing compared to the anguish in her voice. "Because you needed to know."
She backed away from me until she hit the wall near the door, then slid to the floor with her face in her hands.
I thought confessing my sins would make me feel absolved. But I felt nothing for what I'd done, only unsettled because I could see how much my actions were hurting Luna. "I'm sorry," I said hoarsely. "For what I did. For what I took from you." Strangely enough, I realized that I actually meant it. Perhaps for the first time in my life.
She didn't respond. Just kept sobbing into her hands.
I knew then that I'd lost her for good. The monster I was could never be redeemed in her eyes. She would never look at me the same way again. This thing I'd done was too terrible, my sin too grave. Confessing had only deepened the chasm between us. Luna finally saw me for what I truly was—someone capable of inflicting terrible harm without remorse. My empty apologies meant nothing to her. I was a cold, ruthless man, and I'd caused her too much pain.
