I don't want to be with you.
I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts.
"Seriously, T, you can turn around. You don't have to do this right now. I can take one of the other guys."
"I said I'm good."
I could tell he didn't believe me, but he didn't push the matter any farther.
I pulled onto the road, my mind a tangled mess. Part of me wanted to turn the car around, march back into that house, and take Luna with me, consequences be damned. But the rational part of my brain knew I couldn't do that. Not now. I had a job to do.
But I felt like I was being torn in two, caught between my duty and my desire. Between what I knew I had to do and what every fiber of my being was screaming at me to do. And I didn't know how much longer I could keep fighting it.
And as we drove on into the night, I couldn't shake the feeling that everything was about to change. That the fragile balance I'd been clinging to was about to shatter into a million pieces.
And I didn't know if I'd be able to put myself back together again.
CHAPTER12
Luna
Isat by Logan's bedside, my mind a tempest of conflicting emotions as my brother's questions hung heavy in the air, demanding answers I wasn't sure I could give.
"Just tell me how you got mixed up with these guys, Luni," Logan said. "How the hell did you end up withhim?"
It was like he was afraid to say Tristan's name for fear he'd suddenly appear. "I told you. Tristan brought me here from Gino's when he found out I was actually his daughter."
"You didn't know him before that?"
I thought back to those nights Tristan snuck into my room. The way he'd touched me, and still did, like I was something precious, something owned. Like he could barely control his hunger for me. How he wouldn't let me numb myself. Or starve.
But I didn't want to tell my brother all of that. Those memories were mine, and they were private. "Not before I met him at the wedding, like I told you, and I'd seen him when he came to Gino's with Luca."
"And you've been here all this time? With him?"
"Well, at his house down the road, yes. Until you—well, Gino—texted me."
He started pushing himself up on the pillows and I rushed over to help him so he wouldn't hurt his ribs. Swinging his legs over the side of his bed, he sat still for a few seconds, catching his breath.
"I just don't understand why you'd throw away your life on a poker game."
How to explain to him that I didn't know any other way to live? First with our foster father, then dancing in the clubs, and finally with Gino. Trading my body for money, for his safety, was all I knew how to do. "I was just trying to survive," I told him, choosing my words carefully. "And to get the money to help you pay off your school."
"I should've never gone to college. Or I should've studied harder so I could've gotten more grants."
I sat down on the bed beside him. "It's not your fault, Logan. And I want you in school. You're going to be a great nurse."
He was quiet for a minute, then he asked, "Did Mr. Phillips…" He sniffed, his good eye cutting to me before staring straight ahead. "Did he do things to you?"
I tried to play it off. "Why would you ask that?"
Logan glanced at me, then away. "I saw the way he looked at you, Luni. I was young, but I wasn't stupid."
Guess I wasn't as good at hiding things from my little brother as I'd thought. "Well, he also taught me how to play poker," I told him without answering his question. "I'm really good at it. I won so much money before I played Gino that we would've been comfortable for a long time."
"You should've quit while you were ahead."
I laughed. "Yeah."
