Tearing my gaze away, I put on the teakettle and found some herbal tea in the cabinet. Is this what happened when a man allowed his cock to dictate his choices?
The appendage in question stirred in answer, despite the lingering soreness in my muscles.
The hours I'd spent with Gino today had fucked with me in all kinds of ways. The biggest one being that I'd turned myself over to thatbastardowillingly, without a second thought—for her. Knowing what he would do to me and praying he would fucking kill me before I lost my mind completely, I'd traded my body for theirs. I was willing to not just give my life, but my sanity, forher.
Because of this sick obsession I had with her.
Luca and Enzo, the only two people in the world who'd ever meant anything to me, were nearly killed today because I'd risked everything…forher. I'd risked their lives, and my own…forher. Apparently, I would willingly walk into my own nightmares…
For.Her.
And yet, I was still here at Luca's home, unable to make myself leave because of this overwhelming need I had to protect her.
Over the last few hours, I'd wondered more than once who I would save if I had to make a choice: Luca? The man whose life my entire existence revolved around? Enzo? The next closest thing I'd ever had to a friend?
Or Luna? The woman who'd saved me from my demons and whose touch made me want to weep because of how much I craved it, even as it made me want to peel my own skin off.
I'm touching you. It's me you feel. These are my hands. My touch. You don't belong to him. I don't belong to him, either. Look at me! Look!
Seeing her in front of me now, I was beginning to think I knew the answer to that question.
The air squeezed from my lungs. I didn't know who I was anymore. Bits and pieces from yesterday flew round and round in the darkest corners of my mind. Luna's terrified blue eyes. Gino's sick taunts. Gunshots and Luca shouting my name.
Miraculously, we'd all survived, but so had Gino.
Yet, strangely enough, instead of running home and locking myself away until the demons in my head were choked and silenced, I'd found myself here at Luca's, looking forher.
And when she'd run out of that room, her dark blue eyes full of worry for me, I'd forgotten for a moment that she might know what a monster I truly was.
And, perhaps, so had she.
I'd walked away before she could remember. Before I saw the relief in her eyes turn to hatred. But I wasn't able to go far. Instead of going home, I'd hung around Luca's lake house, showering in the gym where I kept a change of clothes before Enzo and I met him in his office to discuss what had gone down with Gino.
And when we were finished, I'd offered to stay and watch the house so Enzo could go home to his new wife and I could stay nearher. Disgust rolled through me. Followed almost immediately by the overpowering need to once again feel her hands on my skin and her body moving beneath me.
At first, I'd kept to the office, watching the security cameras. And when that wasn't enough, I took to prowling around the darkened house like a ghost, keeping to the shadows so she wouldn't notice me if she happened to look outside the makeshift hospital room where she held her vigil.
I'd watched her as she sat beside her brother, her hand resting on his arm as he slept, and something ugly had twisted inside of me. Was this what jealousy felt like, I wondered?
In the soft light of the lamp I'd turned on for her when she'd dozed off, her skin appeared paler than usual, almost luminescent. The dark waves of her hair, black as ink across the white sheets of the bed where she'd laid her head. She looked so peaceful, her long lashes fanning out against her cheeks, her full lips slightly parted as she breathed evenly in slumber.
Just like now, I'd stood there watching her for a long time, unable to tear my gaze away. Even in sleep, Luna captivated me, and I was powerless to resist her allure.
As always, my body craved to be next to her, to be inside of her. And a part of me had wanted to lift her into my arms and take her to a dark corner of the house where I could fuck her until she didn't even remember she had a brother. Until there was no one for her but me.
But I didn't. Partly because, if I were honest with myself, I was afraid. How would she look at me now that she'd found the photo, once her fear for me subsided and the reality of what I'd done came crashing down around us? Would those captivating cobalt eyes shine with hatred and disgust when they met mine? Would she be able to look at me at all? To see past the monster who'd ripped her away from the only parent who'd cared about her?
By murdering Luna's mother, I'd unknowingly crossed a line that couldn't be uncrossed. Yet the mere thought of existing without her now filled me with a suffocating dread I'd never experienced before. She'd become my obsession, my reason for breathing, and I feared that losing her would be the end of me.
But I feared that keeping her would be the end of us both.
The teakettle whistled and my hand trembled as I poured the steaming water into the cup, leaving the tea bag inside to steep before bringing it to her.
She wouldn't look at me. "Thank you."
I watched her blow on her tea as I waited for her to ask why I had the photo, trying to imagine what it would feel like to have those full, wet lips on my skin.
But she didn't ask. "Logan has a broken arm, some cracked ribs, and some deep bruising," she told me.
