As if she could read my mind, she asked, "What about Gino?"
I was giving her the chance to run. Why wasn't she taking it?
"What about Gino?" she repeated louder, a hint of desperation seeping into her voice.
Gino. My lips pulled back as I bared my teeth. In all of this…this shit—I didn't even know what to call it—between us, I'd set asidemy plans for him. But she was right. If I let her go, he'd find her. Of that, I was certain.
"I'll take care of Gino," I said, my voice a low rumble, betraying none of the turmoil churning inside me. "You won't need to worry about him anymore." It was safer this way, to send her away. These strange, unsettling emotions she stirred inside of me were fucking with my head.
She was silent for a long moment. "What are you going to do, Tristan?"
"Whatever I have to."To keep you safe. To put myself back together.
"You told me..." Her voice broke, a small crack in her otherwise carefully composed façade. But she didn't fool me. I could see it all. The confusion, the pain, the inexplicable pull she felt toward something as dangerous and unpredictable as me, just as I was drawn toward her. Every instinct I had screamed at me to pull her into my arms, to protect her, to claim her.
That was exactly the problem, though, wasn't it? Luna was becoming more than a responsibility, more than someone weaker than myself I'd only wanted to protect. She'd become an obsession. And a dangerous one at that.
No, it was more than that. Without even trying, she was changing me. I didn't know who I fucking was anymore. My identity, my entire sense of self, it was all unraveling before my eyes. Everything I thought I knew about myself was shifting, morphing into something I didn't recognize.
But that wasn't right. I didn't…feelthings. Emotions didn't rule my actions. Logic and instinct did. That's what made me good atmy job. It's how I survived. It's what Luca and Enzo depended on when the only thing stopping a bullet from hitting them was me.
And yet, I felt something for her. Something other than curiosity and lust. There was an ache deep in my chest whenever I looked at her. A flicker of amusement when she dared to stand up to me, and frustration when she wouldn't listen. Even anger, at times. Things I hadn't felt since I was a very young child. Just flashes, but still, they were there.
I'd forgotten how distracting emotions were.
"You're just going to let me go? After everything you've done? Everythingwe'vedone. Just like that?" There was an edge to her voice now, a challenge. Luna was not the kind of woman to be discarded easily, and she knew it. She was strong, resilient, beautiful, and right now, she was calling me out.
I raised my eyes, allowing myself a glimpse of this chaotic force I'd brought into my life, not understanding how much damage she'd cause. Her eyes, a stormy mixture of fear and something that looked dangerously like hope, met mine. And in that moment, every wall I'd built, every rule I'd set for myself, threatened to crumble.
I took a step back, putting physical distance between us. "Yes," I said, the word bitter in my mouth. "It's safer for you to be away from me."
Her laugh was hollow, devoid of humor. "Safe? There's nothing safe about this world, Tristan. Not with men like my…Gino." She paused, her eyes running over me. "Men like you."
I closed my eyes, her sharp words stabbing something deep inside of me.
She came closer, getting into my personal space, but I didn't back down this time. "Why did you bring me here at all? Why put me through all of this if you're just going to throw me back out there?" She swung her arm toward the window.
The question hung in the air, heavy and unanswerable. Why, indeed.
"I don't know," I finally admitted. It was a confession she'd heard before, a tiny surrender to the confusion and fear she stirred within me.
Her blue eyes searched mine, looking for something more, something deeper. Her scent wrapped around me like a seductive shroud. "I think you do know," she said softly. "But you're too much of a coward to admit it."
A coward? At one time, that would've been laughable. And yet, at this moment, it was undeniably true. I was afraid to examine these strange behaviors I was exhibiting. Afraid of what I'd find there. Terrified that if I released them, I wouldn't be able to handle the surge of emotions I'd kept buried all these years.
Only one thing was more terrifying to me: that there would be nothing inside of me. Nothing but this cold, empty darkness.
I turned away, unable to face her. I didn't want to see the hurt I was inflicting. It was better this way. Feelings were a liability, a weakness. In my world, weaknesses got you killed. I had survived this long by being cold, unfeeling, a machine made of flesh and blood. But Luna, she threatened all of that with her warmth, her compassion, her quiet strength that had somehow found its way through the cracks in my armor.
I needed to let her go for my own sanity. But the thought of losing her, of letting her walk out of this room, out of my life,leaving me with nothing but that dark, empty void she had once filled…
It was unimaginable to me.
"What are you going to do, Tristan?" Her voice was barely above a whisper, but it echoed in the cavernous, empty spaces of my heart.
"I don't know," I said again, this time with a different edge to my voice. I realized I was telling the truth, and it was the beginning of something dangerous. Something uncontrollable.
I didn'twantto let her go.
