“Tell me why, Enzo.”
“Because I didn’t want to have to choose.”
“Choose what?”
“Between you and my family.”
I stared at him. I thought I knew where he was going with this, but I needed to hear him say it. “Why would you have to?”
“Because you’re a distraction to me, and Luigi wouldn’t like that. Because you want to get away from this life. Just like Alessandra.”
It all clicked into place. The rumors I’d heard about him were true. The whispers. Everyone was afraid of him because he felt nothing. So cold-hearted he murdered his own wife. “And you killed her,” I said softly.
Surprise flashed across his face that I knew, but only for a moment. “I did,” he admitted.
Chills chased each other up and down my spine. “Why?” I’d always wanted to know what would drive a man to kill the woman he loved, the mother of his child.
“Because Luigi ordered me to do it.”
“And you always follow orders,” I surmised, “no matter what that order might be.”
“Alessandra had become a liability,” he continued. “A danger to the family. She blamed him for the death of our son, and she wanted revenge. Other than locking her in a room, which I didn’t want to do, I couldn’t control her. I kept hoping that she would snap out of it, but she only got worse. Eventually, she would’ve endangered me or someone else. So he ordered the hit.”
“Why did he ask you to do it?”
His expression remained completely impassive, as did his voice. But there was an unforgotten fury in his eyes. “It was a chance for me to prove to him that my loyalty still lied with him and the family.”
I frowned. “What aboutyourfamily? She was yourwife, Enzo.”
“You think I don’t know that?” he asked me. “You think I didn’t want to put a gun to my head and join them?”
“So why didn’t you?”
He recoiled from my question. Not physically. But I could feel it. It was a cruel thing to ask, but right now I didn’t feel like I owed him any sympathy.
I thought I saw something flash across his face before his dark eyes went almost black. His chest rose and fell with every labored breath, straining the buttons on the shirt he wore. “Because Luca made me swear I wouldn’t.”
“And you do whatever Luca tells you to do.” I couldn’t keep the sarcasm from my voice.
His eyes hardened. “Luca is my boss. And more than that, he’s my friend.” He cocked his head to the side. “Is that what you wish, Sera? That you’d never met me? That I’d stuck the barrel of my gun in my mouth and blown my fucking head off?”
No, of course not. I’d never wish that for anybody.
And especially not for him. The sharp ache in my chest just thinking of it was so painful it made it impossible for me to breathe.
He stepped closer to me, so close he towered over me where I sat on the bed. One hand cradled the side of my face and lifted it up until I was forced to look at him. “Is that what you want, baby girl?”
Silently, I shook my head.
“I never should’ve done what I did,” he said quietly. “Jesus, Sera…” His eyes burned into me as they traveled over my face, settling on my lips, and when he spoke again, his voice was little more than a whisper. “You terrify me more than anyone else in my life. I’mterrified, Sera. Even now.”
I didn’t understand. Why would he be afraid of me?
But it didn’t matter. Not anymore. None of this mattered anymore. He’d turned his back on me. Given me back to the very monster I’d tried so hard to escape from as though it was nothing. As thoughIwas nothing. And I wasn’t about to forgive him just because he had a fear of commitment.
I wasn’t afraid of him, though, and that was kind of fucked up. He’d just admitted to me that he’d killed his wife in cold blood because he’d been ordered to. And yet, the only thing I really wanted to do right now was to lean forward into his hard strength and let him take care of me.
It was insane. I knew that. How I trusted him with my body. But I couldn’t trust him with my heart.
