I saw the way she tried to hide her surprise. “What happened to them?”
“They’re dead,” I said flatly, biting down on the pain that threatened to rise from the depths of my core, where I kept it shoved down in my own personal hell. “And it was my fault.” I hadn’t said that out loud since my wife’s funeral, but I felt the heaviness of that statement weigh me down until I felt like it was crushing my lungs. It was the truth, and there was no escaping it.
Her hands flew up to cover her mouth. “Oh, my god. Enzo, I’m so—”
“Don’t,” I told her, cutting off what she was about to say.
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t look at me like that. Don’t feel sorry for me.”
She lowered her hands back down to her lap. There were tears in her eyes. For me? Or for the innocent woman and child I’d killed? Well, technically, I hadn’t killed my son. But he was dead because of who I am. “What were their names?”
“Sera, I don’t want to talk about this.”
There was a flash of hurt in her eyes that she quickly tried to hide. Biting her lower lip, she looked away.
With a heavy sigh, I said, “My wife was Alessandra. And my son’s name was Elliot. He was three when he was shot by a stray bullet that was meant for me. He died in my arms. My wife went crazy after that, and she died a few months later. And I don’t ever want to talk about it again.”
Sera stared at me, unmoving, her eyes wide and glassy with unshed tears. She didn’t try again to tell me she was sorry, or any of the other things people say when they don’t know what to say in the face of your grief. And for that I was grateful. It made me want to hit the person who was saying it. They couldn’t possibly understand what I’d gone through. What I was still going through every fucking day.
Slowly, she rose from her end of the couch and walked over to me. I didn’t realize how tightly wound I was until she tried to move me. Taking my hand, she pulled my arm away from my body and sat down sideways across my lap, forcing me to sit up and make room for her. Her flowery coconut scent washed over me, and I closed my eyes and breathed her in, feeling some of the tightness leave my chest. I realized then that I didn’t remember what Alessandra had smelled like. Or the way she’d felt in my arms.
My heart began to pound, and I suddenly went cold. How could I not remember my own wife?
Sera wrapped her arms around my neck and leaned against me, pressing the softness of her curves against my chest and tucking her face between my neck and my shoulder. She didn’t say anything. She just held me.
Gradually, I felt the stiffness leave my muscles, and I leaned back against the couch cushion, taking her along with me and pulling her tight against my body. I found the pain was bearable so long as she held me together, and I was afraid that if she let go, the guilt and rage would burst from me, and I didn’t know what I would do.
We sat for a long time as I silently battled my demons. She didn’t ask me anything else, only offering her touch to help me get through it.
If only she knew that the man she was trying to comfort was the one who had pulled the trigger.
My bloodied hands wandered up and down her back, and when she didn’t protest, I slid them beneath the hem of her shirt until I felt her warm, smooth skin. I had no right to touch her. She was still so innocent. Without sin. And I was a monster. But I needed this. I needed her.
I moaned when I realized she wore nothing underneath, my blood rushing to my cock until it swelled against her hip. “Sera.” I skimmed my mouth along the side of her throat. “Stay with me.” Her pulse fluttered against my lips as she took a shaky breath. “Stay with me, and let me show you how good we could be together. Let me make you happy.”
She pulled away until she could look at me. “How would you do that when you represent the exact thing I’m trying to escape?”
I did. But I wasn’t her father. My prison would be much more pleasurable. “Just give me a chance,” I told her. “That’s all I’m asking.”
Her eyes wandered over my face. When they stopped on my mouth and the tip of her tongue shot out to wet her lips, my heart began to pound.
Carefully, I leaned in and brushed my mouth over hers. It was barely a touch at all, but I heard her breath catch and felt her start in my arms, like she’d been hit with the same jolt of electricity I had. I didn’t retreat, but I also didn’t push her. If I scared her away now, I didn’t know that I’d ever get her back. So I did nothing else but gently taste her sweet lips with my lips and tongue, teasing her until she began to respond.
She kissed me back with tentative brushes of her lips, gradually allowing me more and more access to her mouth as my hands began to rub her back, soothing her even as my blood began to burn. I couldn’t hold back my moan when I felt her tongue begin to tentatively explore my mouth. She tasted sweet. Like the honey in the tea she’d drank after lunch. I wanted to toss her onto her back and rip her pants off and throw her legs over my shoulders, but I pushed the thought out of my head, allowing her to set the pace.
When she broke off the kiss, I pressed my lips along her jaw, making my way over to the delicate lobe of her ear. She shuddered, goosebumps running down her spine beneath my hands when I sucked it into my mouth and played with the diamond stud with my tongue. “Let me show you, baby,” I whispered into her ear.
Her head fell back as I made my way down her throat. When I reached the sensitive spot between her neck and shoulder, she rolled her hips, rubbing her ass along the hard length of my sex, her body knowing instinctively what to do despite her lack of experience.
I growled deep in my throat and sank my teeth into the muscle, just hard enough to hurt a little. I was burning alive, dying to be inside of her, and I stood, taking her with me, the only thought in my head to get her in the bedroom before I caught myself. I froze and searched her face, looking for any sign of fear. “Let me take you to bed. I swear I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. At any time at all, if you want me to stop, I’ll stop.” Blood pulsed through me with every hard beat of my heart as I waited for her answer. “Let me help you forget, Sera.”
After a long time, she nodded. “Okay. But—”
I shook my head. “You don’t have to say anything. If you want to stop, we stop.”
Her eyes searched my face. Then she leaned in to kiss me again, wrapping her arms tight around my neck.
