“I mean, are you going to be able to graduate with all of this?”
All of thismeaning me and my uninvited roomies inside my head.
“The same thing I’ve been doing. I actually haven’t missed that many classes, and Dr. Bord says things will get easier once we all learn to communicate. I could even grow to like having my alters around.”
Willow poked me in the gut. “Well, I can tell Tony hasn’t been around lately. Your lack of gym time is showing.”
I laughed. Actually laughed. I went to the gym regularly to lift, but she was right. Apparently, his boxing regime added a little something to my regular workout routine.
“It’s good to see you smile again, Ty.”
It felt good to smile again.
I was ready to get better.
CHAPTER18
Ailee
It’d been three months since I’d seen Tyler. The holidays had come and gone, and we were dead in the middle of the rainy winter my little town shared with Seattle. I really didn’t mind it. It kinda fit my mood.
I’d spent Christmas with my daughter, Rachel, out in Oregon, and despite my heavy heart and tendency to burst into tears on a moment’s notice, it was really nice. We had snow, and hot cocoa, and we talked. Really talked. A lot.
I’d even told her about Tyler.
Once she’d gotten over the shock that her mom was a woman with feelings and needs just like her, she’d actually been super supportive. She’d handed me tissues when I’d broken down and told her how much I missed him. She’d listened when I’d explained how he made me feel alive again. She’d even talked shit about him with me in an effort to try to make me feel better.
It didn’t work. I’d come home to my empty apartment, set down my bag, and got out the ice cream.
I stared at the new photos on the wall of my studio. They were dark. Moody. Nothing at all like my normal stuff. But still beautiful. Objects. Rain. The mountains. Dark things. Mysterious things.
They reminded me of Tyler.
The now familiar ache in my chest made itself known, and I rubbed my tired eyes. I don’t think I’d ever been this miserable over a guy before. Even when I’d gotten divorced, I’d been upset that I’d wasted so much of my life with a man who barely knew I was alive. I’d been scared about going out on my own. But mostly, it had been a relief to get from under the dark cloud that had been my marriage.
My cell phone rang. As I walked out front to pick it up from my desk, expecting it to be Stef, I eyed the storm clouds moving in through my large front windows. She’d been bugging me to “get back on the horse” since I’d gotten home from my daughter’s, but I had no interest in getting on the horse or anything else. Especially not some strange guy I met in a dark bar.
However, it wasn’t Stef. It was a number I didn’t know.
I silenced the phone and let it go to voicemail, then went back to my photos. I was trying to decide which group to send to the magazine. They wanted pictures that would make people want to move here. Would tree-covered mountains shrouded in a spooky mist attract people? They’d attracted me.
Two hours later, I had my photos picked out and began to gather up my things to go home. I made a face at the window as I pulled on my weatherproof winter jacket. I didn’t think it was going to do me much good tonight. The rain was pouring down outside, and I could already feel its icy fingers soaking me all the way down to my bones.
The screen lit up when I picked up my phone and there was a voicemail from earlier. I listened to it as I walked around, turning off the lights.
“Ailee? Hi. This is Willow, Tyler’s sister? Um, he gave me your number a while back…I was just wondering if you’d seen him. He usually checks in with me every night, and I haven’t heard from him for two days. Call me back, okay? I’m really worried. Okay. Um. Thanks.”
I listened to the message again. And again. Then I stared at the number on the screen, my heart racing, trying to decide if I should call her back or not. If something had happened to Tyler…
If something had happened to Tyler, I’m not sure I really wanted to know. Did that make me a horrible person? These last months had just been so hard, I didn’t know if I could handle re-opening that wound. Plus, I hadn’t heard from him at all in all that time. If he was having some kind of emergency, I didn’t think he’d want me involved. I’d left him. If I showed up now, it would make him think he still had a chance to convince me to stay with him.
Did he still have a chance?
My arm fell to my side as I raised my eyes to the window. I stared out at the rain, not really seeing it.
I’d missed him these last months. I still missed him. And it wasn’t getting any easier. However, I still didn’t think I could live with his DID. It would take a bigger person than me to be with someone like Tyler. But, the least I could do was call Willow back and let her know I hadn’t seen or heard from him.
I hit redial and took a deep breath as I lifted the phone to my ear.
