She didn’t answer me. I heard the coffee machine brewing, and then the door to the fridge open and close. A few seconds later, she came back in with two mugs. She handed one to me, then sat down in the chair nearest me.
“I don’t remember coming here,” I repeated, and there was no humor in my voice this time. I wrapped both hands around the cup and let the warmth seep into me, trying to fight the chill that had settled into my bones. I couldn’t bring myself to look at her. “Willow, what am I doing here?”
Her voice was just as quiet as mine. “You’ve been sleeping here, Ty.”
“Why aren’t I sleeping at my own place?” My place. Shit. I set the mug down on the end table beside me. “I have to go check on Snickers.”
Willow grabbed my arm with surprising strength before I could stand up. “He’s fine. I hired that dog sitter you like. The one you use when you go out of town. And don’t worry,” she continued when I gave her a surprised look. “I’ll pay for him.”
I sat back down. Hard. This time, I couldn’t take my eyes off my sister’s face. I tried to ask what I wanted to ask, but nothing came out. I stopped, swallowed, closed my eyes, opened them, and tried again. “How long have I been here?”
She gave me that big sister look. The one she always gives me when she wants to fix the bad stuff and can’t.
“Willow.” My tone was harsh, but I needed to know.
“Five days,” she told me quietly.
Five. Days.
No, that couldn’t be right.
I searched her face, looking for signs she was joking.
Please, tell me you’re joking.
But something within me, some inner time clock, told me she wasn’t.
Holy FUCK.
Almost an entire week of my life.
Spots started dancing in front of my eyes, and the edges of my vision blurred. Pain lanced through my chest. I couldn’t breathe. A voice yelled at me through a fog. A male voice.
Not my own.
“Tyler! Tyler, stay with me. Focus on me.” My sister’s face appeared in my line of vision. She smiled. “Stay here. We need to talk.”
I gripped her thin arms, pulling her closer, listening to her voice. The abyss was reaching for me again, but I didn’t want to go. I needed to stay here. I needed to hear what she had to say.
“Just breathe. In and out.”
I did as she told me, clearing my mind of everything but her voice as I fought against the vice around my chest. After a minute or so, my heart stopped racing, and the darkness began to recede. It worked. I was surprised to find my cheeks wet with tears. “Willow. Help me. You have to help me. I don’t know what the fuck is going on. I don’t know what the fuck…” I drifted to a halt as a sob tore from my chest.
“Shhhh.” She grabbed my face between her palms. “You’re okay. You’re fine. Just breathe. You need to calm down, and then we can talk.”
But suddenly, I didn’t want to hear what she was going to tell me. Because I knew that whatever it was, it was going to change things forever. And I wasn’t ready for that. I pulled out of her grip and stood, shaking my head. Spotting my cell phone and my wallet on the kitchen counter, I sidestepped Willow and headed toward it, my steps determined, if not very steady.
“Tyler! Where are you going?”
“Home.” I grabbed up my wallet, checked that my bus card was in there, shoved my phone in my front pocket, and then I was out the door before she could stop me. I heard her calling me, but as soon as I hit the pavement, I took off running.
It wasn’t until I was on the bus and it was rumbling through the city that I realized I didn’t have any shoes on.
As soon as I got home, I tore off the ruined socks on my feet and chucked them into the kitchen trashcan. The clothes I’d slept in soon followed. No one was there, so I walked naked back to my bedroom and got into the shower. I scrubbed my skin until it was red and raw, from my scalp to my toes. Not sure what I was trying to accomplish there, but I had this overwhelming need to rid myself of whoever the fuck I’d been the past week. Only when I was clean and in my own clothes again did I start to feel normal.
I was sitting at the kitchen table with a notepad, making notes of all the weird shit that had been happening to me lately, when the front door opened and Snickers came trotting in. He did a little dance when he saw me, and bounded in my direction, squirming up into my lap.
“Hey, buddy. Hey. I know. I missed you, too.” Squinting through the dog kisses, I saw Todd, my dog sitter, closing the door and setting Snickers’s leash on the counter. “Hey,” I greeted him. “Thanks so much for coming on short notice.” I assumed it was short notice, because I sure as hell hadn’t made any plans to black out for five days.
