“Thank God.” I switched over. “Joe! How fast can you get here?”
“What’s goin’ on, boss?” He spoke slower than usual, like he’d just woken up. To be clear, Joe was like a loving, extra-large porch hound who enjoyed living life at a slow pace. Not the best bartender, but a good friend and great employee.
“I’ll explain when you get here. Where are you?” I asked.
“Sorry, boss. Can’t come. Elvira and I decided to tie the knot tonight, and—”
“I’ll give you an extra month of vacation. But you have to get here fast.”
“Masie.” He sounded insulted.
“Sorry. Sorry. Congratulations. I’m really happy for you both. How about you get married next week, and I pay for the honeymoon? You like Disney, right?” I had no clue where they wanted togo, but if the two loved Elvis, maybe they’d be into another American institution like Mickey Mouse? On the other hand, McD’s and hotdogs fell into the same category. Not so romantic.
Silence.
“Plus a raise?” I added. “Ten percent.”
“What’s going on?” he asked, sounding worried.
“Dangit,” I muttered under my breath. If I wanted him to delay something as important as his wedding, I’d have to tell him the truth. “Don’t repeat this to anyone, but vampires are about to turn the world into a soft-serve machine, and people are the squishy ice-cream goop. I need you here to help me stop them. By making moonshine.”
“Moonshine, boss?”
“Ugh. I can explain more when you get here.” I paused. “Two months’ vacation.” How could he refuse that?
There was a long pause.
“Joe?” I said.
“Hey. This is Elvira. Joe isn’t coming. And after I turn him tonight, he’ll belong to me.” She cackled sadistically.
Joe’s girlfriend was a vampire? And she was going to turn him?
An angry pulse rushed through me. “Don’t you dare touch him, or so help me—”
“You’ll what? Fire him?” She laughed. “He doesn’t need you or your ridiculous job anymore.”
Joe was like an olderbrother. We loved him. She did not get to have him. “I wasn’t going to fire him. I’m calling the police. Or—or I’ll tell your coven leader.” Not that I knew who they were, but it couldn’t be difficult to find out. Turning people into vampires was still considered murder until the Repurposed People Act passed.
Her sadistic giggle turned into hysterical laughter, and I understood why. My threats meant nothing to her. In vampire world, I wasn’t dangerous or feared by anyone. Not yet. Even if some believed I was Queen Anna, I hadn’t claimed the throne. I hadn’t rallied the vampire masses to my call. I didn’t even have a coven. Being Anna meant nothing without an army of loyal vampires behind me.I’m about as scary as a booger.
Still, I had to do something.
Bluff.“Elvira, I’m going to say this once, and I hope your rusty crippy brain registers it: things are about to change for vampires, especially forQueen Anna. Aka me. When they do, you will be at the very top of my coven’s kill list. But I won’t let them touch you. I will come personally. First, for anyone you care about and then for everything you own. You will be left alone, penniless, and staked to the ground at sunrise.” I needed to bring it home with something terrifying. But what? “Only, I’ll be sure to shield your torso so that just your appendages sizzle off into smelly nubs. You’ll look like a nasty vampire potato no one wants to eat. Not even those vegan hippies who enjoy funky-shaped veggies at thefarmer’s market.”
The other end of the line fell silent. I hoped that meant she’d bought my act.
“Put Joe on a plane,” I demanded. “Unharmed. Never show your face in my territory again.” For now, that was the Flaming Rooster, so pretty easy request.
“What if he wants to turn?” she replied bitterly.
If it was true, I’d talk him out of it. At the very least, I’d make sure he wasn’t on vampire roofies. “Touch him and find out.”
I ended the call, my pulse pounding.Please, God, let Joe be okay.There wasn’t much else I could do for him right now other than the same thing I had to do for everyone else. Move forward.
I hung my head. “Let’s go make some moonshine.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
