I pull my feet up and settle against him to confuse him some more. “And if we’re going over the rules, don’t you think we should all be a part of this?”
“What’s got you being so… accommodating this morning?”
I roll my eyes at him before explaining. “You gave me exactly what I asked for, a house for space and time. Though we’ll have to work on that a bit, because twenty hours apart hardly qualifies as time.”
“You like me house, ha?”
“’S all right,” I tease him. “It’s very cute, actually. Whose is it, though?”
He takes a long sigh, his mood doing another one-eighty. His mouth twists a little bit, and I swipe my finger over it, for no other reason than I want to. He leans into my touch and lets me see the rush of emotion in his eyes.
“Noinin’s,” I answer before he does, and the tight smile from him confirms it. “You would have been the best big brother in the world, Ronin. Thank you for letting me stay here.”
We get interrupted when Rafferty plants a noisy, and juicy, kiss on my cheek while his brother just sits on a chair opposite and lets his eyes do the talking. Keegan carries over a huge platter of breakfast rolls, the bacon and egg double on some, placing it on my lap. He reappears with a coffee mug for me, and he kicks over the coffee table.
“Hey, watch my house,” I scold, but my words get lost under the piece of food Ronin pushes past my lips.
The television gets forgotten as we sit around and chat. Well, mostly Ronin, Keegan, and Rafferty do the talking. And laughing. Every now and then, Tynan will add something, a word here or there, but mostly, he listens and watches. The stories they share from their long history of time together bring a smile to my face, and a longing from somewhere deep inside me stirs.
Once the plates are collected, I hop off Ronin’s lap, carrying everything back into the kitchen before taking the last empty seat in the living room.
“I guess we need to talk about what happened last night.”
“Aye, we fucking do,” Keegan snarls. The noise should not make me feel the way it does, but I can’t help it.
I bare my teeth at him. It’s an involuntary response. One of many I have to him and this pack.
“I’m sorry about not wearing the ring, particularly after I said I would.”
“Not just a ring, Tally. Ourweddingring,” Rafferty says, his voice soft, his intention loud and clear.
A small wave of disappointment follows, but so it should. Not being able to acknowledge someone is hurt or emotional from something I’ve done isn’t who I want to be.
“I know,” I reply just as quietly, my eyes dropping. I need a break from what’s in Rafferty’s gaze. “So much is going on. And while a lot of me feels safe with you all, we’ve also skipped out on some important parts of a relationship. I keep saying it, but if we’re pack, then this is something we’ll look back on with fondness. Getting to know each other is important.”
“So, you admit you know you’re ours?”
Tynan’s voice is more distant than usual, which is fine because his feelings are as valid as mine are.
I take a deep inhale, searching for a way to answer that won’t be like a stab later when they find out the truth. On so many levels, this pack is everything I’ve ever hoped for. If I was wanting a pack, they’d be high contenders. The highest, really.
Surprisingly, they don’t interject or point out our compatibility. They don’t argue or scream for an answer. They wait with bated breath, which is probably why I don’t lie at all. “Mostly, I do.”
“What’s holding you back?” Rafferty asks, leaning forward to grab my hand.
Our fingers align like magnets, and in the next moment, the pull increases and I end up on his lap, wrapped in his warmth and sage scent. Rafferty feels like a lighthouse in the storm. I wish I could stay sheltered there forever, but I am the storm. I can’t lose my purpose simply because this pack is everything I desire in life.
I have to figure out how to answer without igniting their curiosity or lying. I decide to keep it simple. “My past is holding me back. I know what I need to do to move in the same direction you’re going. And that includes this house and my meaningless waitressing job. Coincidentally, I’m not happy you burnt The Shamrock down. You know I’m asking Walsh for another job, right? Anyway, what’s stopping me from jumping in might not make sense to you, but it’s where I am at.”
“And then?” Tynan asks.
Although any of them could have asked the question, I look at each of them before answering. “And then I guess we really do find out if we’re meant to be together.”
Chapter Thirty-Two
RONIN
Leaving Tally is fucking hard. Staying away is a hundred times harder.
