When I finally manage to tear my eyes from the bodies of Paddy and Jeanie O’Connor, I have a flash of obscurity, wondering if seeing Tynan will be worse than what I just saw.
It is.
He isn’t bleeding to death, but the look in his eyes suggests otherwise. Pain and suffering like I’ve never seen. The grief on his face cleaves my heart in two.
Chapter Fifty-Nine
Almost Three Months Later
TALLY
The internet is slow, and while I wait for the secure line to connect, I go to find where I left Rafferty’s hoodie. Like always, the view out the massive windows in my cottage pulls my focus and I get lost in view.
Though I wanted to go to Canada, the witness protection program denied that request, finding me a safe house in Turin, Italy, instead.
I can smell garlic floating up from downstairs. If I try hard, I can hear pots and pans clattering together.
“Tally, are you with me?” Joe’s booming voice pulls me back to the screen, and a fresh wave of anxiety pools in my stomach.
Tugging the collar of my shirt, I drop Rafferty’s hoodie on my chair, sitting on it and making sure it’s hidden from view before I give permission to my laptop to access the camera.
The television screen mirrors my laptop. If it was just Joe and me, or me and the psychologist, I’d only use my laptop. Given the importance of the meeting, the bigger screen felt justified.
Joe’s face comes into view, his eyes full of the same worry, relief, fear, and hope I saw when I first woke up in the hospital.
“Hey, kid. You’re looking good.”
Instead of answering, I fiddle with the hearing aid, turning the volume down so Joe doesn’t sound like he’s yelling at me. But there comes a point when I can’t avoid talking anymore too.
My smile feels like a grimace, not a true representation of how I’m feeling but close enough. “I am good.”
“I know.” He holds up my latest medical report, like a proud father boasting his kid won “most improved.”
“How do you think today will go?” I ask, distracting him a little but giving me something else to focus on too.
The last few months have, quite bluntly, sucked arse.
Nearly dying, then trying to recover from the effects of nearly dying, along with rehabilitating numerous injuries, including skin grafts for my finger, while in witness protection, has been hard. Staying away from Ireland has been another battle entirely. So, despite being alive, and generally being glad I am alive, the past three months are not something I’d ever want to go through again.
Joe clears his throat, pulling me out of my head. “You don’t need to make any decisions today. It’s the board’s decision on your case and a few others. You and I have gone over how they’re likely to vote, but if it doesn’t work for you, we appeal their decision.”
“Joe.” I lean forward, and if I was in front of him, I’d touch his arm. “If they offer medical retirement, I’m taking it.”
Being this close to the screen, I don’t miss the flare around his eyes as I shock him. I get it, though. I’ve been fighting hardagainst the idea, instead putting everything into regaining my strength, physically and emotionally. I wanted to be reassigned to the academy, where I could apply my experience to helping others survive working undercover. But not now.
He sits back in his seat, and I follow suit. I don’t push to know what he thinks, he’ll support me no matter what. At the end of the day, the only person who needs to be okay with walking away from their dreams is me.
Joe leans out of camera and reappears with his bottle of Scotch and our two glasses. He fills them both, and then moves one closer to the screen, almost as if I was sitting across from him.
He looks off-screen, a quick, genuine smile pulling his lips up before he swallows the Scotch in one gulp. Rubbing his chest as he speaks, he says, “I’m so fucking proud of you, Tallula Rose.”
I laugh, but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes. “Wow, you must be. You haven’t called me that in a very long time.”
He’s on a roll, though, talking and sharing. “Your mother would be prouder. You got the answers we’ve been looking for. Liam will be at peace. How could he not? His cousin has never stopped searching for him. And because of you, we’ve been able to shut down another child abduction ring.”
He might be speaking the truth, but I feel like he’s punching me right in the throat. Acid burns on the back of my tongue, and the room starts shrinking around me.
Tearing out the hearing aid and running straight out into the snowstorm is, according to my therapist, a normal reaction. Not sure I agree, but I’ve done it enough times now to recognize it is how I cope. Whether it’s right or wrong doesn’t come into the equation.
