“We can do that,” I whisper, sinking into the space he makes for me. Rafferty’s arm wraps around me like ivy, and he holds me as close to him as possible.
“Tell me a secret,” he insists. He exhales, and it makes my head swim because of how thick his scent is.
It’s strange to be on the other side of an Omega in heat. I get now why people lose control of themselves around Omegas, but being this close to Rafferty, it’s like there’s a canyon of differences between knowing and experiencing. Everything about him is intensified, and everything in me responds. I have to fight with myself not to fall into a heat with him. Another time, a different place, it would be an easy thing to do. To simply let go of everything holding me back and surrender to him, and them. Perhaps one day, or perhaps never; either way, I’ll take a lot of this with me when I drag myself out of Tynan’s door.
“Tally bear, tell me something you’ve never told anyone before.”
Like his scent is targeted to entrapment, his words have me confessing without thought.
“I’ve never done a heat with a pack before.”
He’s dangerous to me. I share dreams and secrets like they’re candy, when I should be keeping them locked away forever.
He hisses like I burned him and goes to sit up. I settle my hand on his chest to hold him down and turn the table on him. “No judgment. Only secrets, okay?”
“Of course,” Rafferty answers as he hooks his leg over me and we nearly become one. I know he’s trying to ground me into a safe space where secrets stay.
I curl against him more, our conversation low and private, full of touches and anchoring scents. “What about you, Raff? What’s the one thing you’d tell me?”
He draws his nose against the underside of my jaw. “I hated being an Omega when I emerged. I only stayed around for Tynan because he should have been an Alpha, just like I should have been.”
“Whose secret is that?” I pull back and give him a mock glare that he chases away with a hundred or so butterfly kisses over my eyes.
“We share everything.”
“Tell me more,” I say, settling down, hoping to lull him into resting.
“About Ty?”
I nip his shoulder and he chuckles, blowing more of his sweet sage air on my face, making me giddy again. It’s obnoxiously potent today.
“The four of us grew up together. Ronin’s parents all but adopted Ty and me after our parents decided life would be better without twin boys to look after. Good riddance, I say. I’d still punch my father, given half the chance, but what would I say to my mother? Anyway, I have moved on, I promise. Paddy and Jeanie were the parents we should have had. They treated us like theirs. But, see, there’s only been male Alphas in their world, so it’s all we knew. Growing up, we did everything as if we were going to emerge as Alphas, learned the way of the world like that. Ronin and Keegan designated early, but Ty and I took forever. We were both assertive, dominant, and strong. All the signs that we’d be Alphas were there. Then one day our lives flipped upside down. I was so fucking angry for Ty, and for me, but mainly for Ty. It was learned behavior, not natural instincts we were dealing with.”
“I’m sorry,” I murmur, my hands needing to move as a way to comfort him through his sharing.
Nuzzling against my throat, he takes a big inhale before continuing. “Oh, it gets even better. I woke up in a cold sweat, and when Ronin and Keegan walked in the room, their scents were like a punch in the guts. I went from being straight to something else entirely in five seconds flat. They did, too, and while it should have been a fun time where we experimented, it was a time I hated being alive. I couldn’t stand how much I needed them, I couldn’t deal with pushing them away. I felt everything differently, when I’d only ever known what it was liketo be an Alpha. Jeanie helped, and Paddy smacked sense into me when I started making bad decisions.”
“Like smacked you?”
Rafferty’s laughter spills from his chest. “Yeah. But I needed it. I was being a complete eejit and blinded to BS that wasn’t happening anywhere except in my head. What about you, Tally bear, did you know that first moment we were your pack?”
“Enough talk about me, Rafferty.”
“Never enough talk about you, Tally. I know, the same way I knew Ronin and Keegan were my Alphas, that you are ours too. And, one day, I’ll understand why you’re fighting against it as hard as I did back then. From experience, I have to tell you, whatever the reason, it won’t change the way we’re each other’s missing piece.”
“And Ty?”
“I know my brother. And I know exactly what he’s waiting for. You ask him to, and he’ll fall and always keep falling. He won’t push you. He’s not like that, but that’s his secret, not mine.”
Rafferty’s voice is starting to slowly but surely drop away. It’s a heat thing, where your body is preparing you for what’s coming by preserving energy. It’s not something you can control; it’s a built-in survival mechanism.
“Rest, Rafferty. I’ll be here when you wake up.”
“Vow it,” he demands, pouting.
I reach up and kiss him gently. “There. It’s vowed.”
“Can we get matching tattoos?”
