In front of me, Tristan’s yelling at Heidi, and the mood in Heidi’s office dips like a sudden drop in the temperature. Idon’t know why, but I’m not sure I have the energy to figure out what’s going on either. And then Kai of all people rushes inside Heidi’s office.
But I wasn’t expecting to come face to face with an Alpha I haven’t properly met. My frantic state worsens, spurred on by memories of other Alphas. Of the thingshedid. Every instinct in me is screaming to get out of here in caseithappens again.
When Tristan starts arguing with Kairo, and Heidi argues back, the room starts to shrink. My feet stick because part of me knows I’m safe with them, but the Alpha, he makes everything feel different. Wrong.
I slip into survival mode, straight back to the safe spot of conformation. My mind is in full protection mode, acting like I am back home at an event with Brody and the founding families. I detach, pretending to follow what’s happening around me while I focus on walling my defences. Eyes down. Don’t scent. Listen. Watch. Act the part. Upset no-one. Become smaller. Step away. Slow down. Smaller, be smaller. Wait.
They don’t notice, but I’m so good at being present in body and vacant in spirit that I exist in expectation. Another person appears. Not an Alpha though, thankfully.
Heidi’s assistant. I recognise her face. I can read her; she wants us gone. Thankfully. Knowing I’m about to get out of here, away from the Alpha, helps me navigate the situation. It gives me an edge and lets more of the new Simona back in. I get enough space to function past learned coping mechanisms.
As I hug Heidi, her apple scent squeezes past my barriers, slowly but surely leading me out of myself. Her Omega reaches mine. I don’t know how, but I drop my head on her shoulder, taking everything she offers like a sponge. Shedoesn’t call me out on my detachment, but our friendship doesn’t need defining or explanation. Especially now.
“I’m always here for you, Simona. Come stay with me,” she offers carefully.
She does know.
“No,” I answer softly. “I’m so proud of you. Love you more than you know, Heidi. We’ll talk soon. Until then don’t forget you’re everything to me.” A final hug from her, and I pull away. This is her day, not mine.
Tristan moves in, and I watch them closely from a spot in her office, as far away from the Alpha as possible. I focus on Tristan and Heidi, noticing more and more as I keep stealing bits of their intimacy to cut the chords on the memories that rattled me to my core. The appearance of the Alpha threw me, badly too. The farther we’re led away, the more of the fog lifts. My awareness is still tentative, a part of me still not feeling safe. But at least now I’m a participant and no longer just a spectator.
Like with Heidi, I find myself calmer when I hold on to Tristan. Her bubble-gum scent, so sweet and happy, is another reminder of how far I have come.I need to go. Okay?
Holy shit, you do? I need to go now.Her arms tighten, and I feel her whole body trembling. It’s a good reminder we all have battles, but we all sometimes need saving too.
Hendrix appears in my periphery. But inside me, it’s so much more impactful than a mere glimpse.
My Omega releases a huge sigh of release, and the first breath I’ve taken for a while rushes in my lungs chasing out the fear. I get lost in his eyes—or maybe it’s that I find myself within the sanctuary he offers. The need to run switches from a desperation to escape, to a sprint, racing as fast as I can to him.
I glance at Tristan, aware she’s watching me, and my interaction with Hendrix. I know she saw, but instead ofquestioning me, she lets it become a non-event, something we don’t need to talk about. I smile gratefully, brushing the hair off her pretty face while ignoring the bags under her haunted eyes. Returning the gesture. “Guess we both have secrets, eh?”
I lean close for a final inhale of her scent, trying to convey as much as I can without saying a single word.I love you so much, Tris, sorry I’m certifiably crazy today. Who knew packing would do that to me?
She smiles. I know she gets me. She always has.OMG You have no idea, like who the fuck was that Alpha? No. No. No. Anyway, I need to talk with you soon, probably not the others just yet. First, I have to deal, some huge fuck off things just happened and I really need to work through them to understand them. Love you. Go get yourself safe. Simona, who’s the Alpha looking at you like he wants to eat you?
Chapter
Forty-Eight
SIMONA
Thank god for Rye. He perfectly articulates the moment I disappeared from his view—describing it as being bombarded by hundreds of conflicting, see-sawing thoughts and emotions, all pushing and pulling him in all directions. I understand completely because I felt the same overwhelming surge of emotions.
Huge emotions too, like fear, isolation and distrust, came from nowhere and came so close to swallowing me whole. But the instant I saw Hendrix, and then Ryder, the power of the vortex stopped.
“The bond is our living and breathing connection. Constantly full of sharp reminders of where our priority and loyalty should be—each other. Everything that doesn’t serve us becomes an obstacle,” he muses, his lips barely lifting off my palm. “Learning to trust what you can’t see is the challenge. We’ll get better because we have each other. And now, after hearing how you felt—and Dom and Hen too—I already feel better equipped, knowing we all experienced the same thing.”
Hendrix’s version of how he felt when I was in the office was similar. Although it was more abrupt in a black and white sense. He went from being okay to nearly going on a raging rampage. His Alpha brain was viewing anything outside of our pack as a threat. Dominic’s explanation was clipped short, full of emotion. He had no shame in saying he struggled. Understandably, not only couldn’t he see, hear or scent me, he also couldn’t with Hen or Ryder either.
Talking about the changes we each experience as our bond and packing settles is like getting a full body massage. It hurts in parts, but the relief as we keep sharing and adding more detail is enormous. I was starting to think perhaps I was broken, and what I was feeling was because of my past.
Our very private sharing gets interrupted by another of Wren’s texts.
Her messages are lighting up my phone every fifteen minutes now. Each message carries entitlement, an expectation I provide her an update on where I am, yet she herself refuses to give me anything at all on Lawson. Considering the only reason I’m heading back is to see Lawson, I leave her messages unread. I’m not getting dragged into her world.
The closer we get to where I grew up—I refuse to call it home; it hasn’t been that for a long time—the more I come to accept that this journey is also a goodbye. Only to Lawson. The little girl who was blindly besotted with her father needs to see him one more time, for her sake. My home and my future is in this SUV and back with the girls.
“I need to figure out how I tell the girls,” I say, deliberately steering our conversation in that direction. It’s a tactic, giving me something good to focus on so I don’t get lost by the telltale signs of how close we are to the hospital.
