“What do you need?” Andrea asks for the tenth time as she leads me back inside King’s house.
“I’m okay.” I grimace past a sharp squeezing pain. The pain is like having someone squeeze your insides with a fist. It’s my body’s built-in alarm system screaming, ‘your heat’s coming, nest it up and get some knot action or feel my wrath’. Mother Nature in all her glory.
“I’m going to run a bath, take some medication. I might be in and out here asking stupid questions, or making weird demands, but let’s keep it simple, don’t let me leave the compound, and don’t let me eat sugary food. No matter how much I beg, no sweet food! And please get someone to break Koz out of jail,” I offer back in a rush of words as I wave and shut the door in her face.
Once I’m back in the kitchen, it’s so empty and quiet I’m grabbing my phone to call the girls before anything. Thankfully, it’s only a few rings until they pick up.
“What up?” Heidi yells over the top of blaring music.
I have to shout to be heard over the noise. “Heat is here and she’s not going to be stopped!”
The music disappears as soon as I tell her what’s going on. “Oh, babes, I’m sorry.”
“And the heat pack Unity sent was next level amazing,” I quip sarcastically, rolling my eyes at the same time. “Although… the t-shirt is going to help.”
Heidi laughs. “Did you pack your rabbit or some other toys at least?”
“Sure did. But of course, my bags are in the first car we had,” I answer her, and get distracted trying to remember if I have any hiding in my room. “Oh, I wonder if I have any toys stashed in my room. Bye, Heidi, give the girls my love.”
“Good luck, honey. And hey, don’t be looking a heat gift in the mouth. If one of those tasty boys shows up, make them work for you.”
I swing around, like she’s in the room with me, skidding to a stop. Even throwing an arm up, “Really?”
“Yes!”
Slumping forward, I look down at my feet caught up in so many scenarios made both better and worse by the knowledge my heat is fast approaching. Andtheyhave exactly what I need. “God! Why is this so hard!”
“You’re overthinking it,” Heidi soothes, and she has such a way with her. Some find her offensively abrasive, but it’s not that at all, she’s just so sure of herself. “Raney, they can’t break you. They already did. And as harsh as that sounds, it’s not. It’s me saying you hit rock bottom once and the only people that have power over you now are the ones you give the power to. You know the girls and I love you to death. Koz absolutely adores you way too much. Stop doubting how amazing you are and do whatever the fuck you want. We’ll be cheering you on.”
“Something happened today.” I hiss through a pinch of pain, and Heidi waits until it passes.
Living at Unity, you see people in heat frequently so you kind of go with the flow of it without getting all freaked out. My cycle will get to a point where everything blurs, but I’m not there yet. And anyway, talking with Heidi is a good distraction.
“What happened?” she asks. And seriously some days I wonder if she is an alpha, the way she can command a situation.
“I saw Reid.”
She hisses in disgust at his name. I do too, and then she wants to know more details. “I’m sorry you had to see him. What happened?”
“Nothing. Well, that’s not right. I’m sure he inadvertently started my heat.”
“No!”
“Yes! For so long, I built him up in my head to be this imposing beast of a man. But he’s nothing.” I over exaggerate those words because, goddamn, it’s the truth. And it’s a huge revelation.
“Okay.” She starts to dig for a better explanation, but I interrupt.
“Ho! Did you hear me? Even though I loved him once, he is nothing to me anymore. Nothing. I mean I don’t trust him at all and wouldn’t be alone with him, but he’s no longer that memory I have to be scared of. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah. The heat thing though?”
“Oh shit, I forgot,” I mumble because that’s what happens with my heat—I get easily lost in tangents. “It was the rush of knowing he’s nothing or maybe it was that I’m free of that nightmare? Either way, one minute I was kind of freaking out, the next boom, my body relaxed. But it relaxed, relaxed.”
“Really?”
“I walked in, I saw him, and realised he smelt like nothing and at first that freaked me out, but it’s such a relief too. Actually, now I think of it, he smelt faintly like boiled cabbage.” I know I’m rambling, but it feels good to get it out.
“Interesting, huh, he is pretty gross though. So, your reaction was completely different than when you sawthemfor the first time again? Pretty sure you told us Hayes was smelling like a big ole bag of cinnamon donuts made just for you.”
