“Everything at the moment seems to put me at risk.”
“There is that. Lucky you’re worth it, huh?” He grins again before he gets all serious as he talks low into my ear. “I’m going to give you a key, and you’re going to go up the first flight of stairs—ignore Lew because he has to be there. When I come up, I want to see your fingers in your pussy and your lips around Hayes’s cock.”
I recoil, wondering if I heard what I thought I heard, Koz’s deep laughter lets me know I most certainly did.
“These fucking traditions, micina…or I’d be up there filling your mouth myself.”
When Hayes steps out from the shadows, it’s such a clash of emotions that I’m left struck frozen and silent on the spot. He ignores everyone and everything as he threads his fingers in mine before taking the key from Puck. Passing the girls, they wave and point over to the cafe area and maybe I should argue, but I don’t. I follow him up the stairs and stay quiet as he unlocks a door.
The room deserves more attention than I give it. Clearly set up for a heat, it has all the things that should make my omega heart a mushy mess but nothing would be able to steal my attention from Hayes.
With our fingers still linked, he walks through the room like he’s been here before and goes to a huge window, opening the block out curtains and unveiling a spectacular view down to the streets below. The moment he does, it’s like he also takes away that feeling of the room being too big or too small.
Hayes gives my hand a quick kiss before untangling our fingers. He triple checks the locks and starts rearranging the furniture by pushing a large armchair over, deep enough to hold more than one person. Once it’s in the right position, looking out at the spectacular view, he curls around me from behind before sitting down.
His scent is so thick, it fills the room and it’s full of all the signs of his anxiety—slightly stale, not as warm as it usually is. Reclining backwards, he holds me to him and lifts my feet up off the floor when he puts his feet on the window ledge.
Hayes and I have always fit together like a jigsaw. He’s taller now, a lot wider too, but it doesn’t detract from the feeling I get from being in his presence, like everything is in place. It’s not a sense of protection he omits, it’s more he finishes me off, gives me a place where I feel complete. I go to turn around, but he stops me by dropping his chin on my shoulder and criss-crossing his arms over my chest.
“I think I was meant to wait for a phone call or something, but I can’t stop thinking about you, Raney. I can’t explain what it feels like properly, I keep trying to find the right words, but they’re just words. And it’s hard to explain how I feel when it’s not right.”
“What’s not right?”
Hayes refuses to answer my question by ignoring it, but he doesn’t ignore me. He brushes the hair off my neck with a caress so soft it feels like feathers.
He whispers like he’s confessing a secret. “I can’t let you go, Raney. Despite knowing I have to, I can’t do it.”
And then he holds me still as he kisses softly over the scar Puck left behind years ago. It’s a pretty telling gesture, matching his words.
“Then don’t,” I answer, purposely pressing harder against his lips, before my voice drops lower than his. “You don’t have ADV, Hayes.”
I can feel a rush of air against my skin before he moves up to my ear. “I’ve never had it.”
A weird feeling, a mix of nausea and swirling hope fills me. I’m relieved he understands he’s not a monster, physically. Now I just need to tackle the next awful part of his results. Which is a thousand times worse. “I know something else.”
He stops running his nose up my neck. “And you don’t want to tell me?”
Shaking my head, I disagree, before clarifying. “I do want to tell you, I’m not a fan of secrets, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
Hayes sighs, his scent changing by the smallest fraction as he understands where I’m coming from. I’m not surprised by how quick he responds; he’s always been accepting of how he feels emotions differently. It’s part of what makes him so beautiful and so hard to walk away from.
“And if you don’t tell me, who does it hurt?” he asks slowly before he dips low to kiss my shoulder.
His question is very much a Hayes question.
“Both of us,” I say. It’s such a hard balance to keep. Heidi’s words echo that now is not the time to be so honourable, but he’s built his life on a lie. And with my decision made, I twist around, ignoring the way his arms try to hold me in place. Once I’m facing him, seeing, and feeling him, it’s an easy ask telling the truth. “It will hurt the both of us if I don’t tell you.”
He goes to say something, and I press the palm of my hand over his mouth. “But I will not let you go through this anymore. I can’t, because I feel the same as you, not being able to let this go.”
His eyes do the talking, so I keep going. “If we had more time, I’d do this with a lot more subtlety, don’t forget that, except if it was my last hour on earth I would make the time to sit you down and tell you the same.” I stop for a minute and shake my head. “That sounded a lot better in my thoughts. What I meant was I’d always tell you.”
Taking my hand away from his mouth, I let it slide under his jaw, and despite not knowing what I’m going to say or what our future looks like, Hayes’s scent leaks from him. Hot cinnamon donuts, sugary enough to make my jaw ache, exactly the same reaction every time. And it’s sweet again after my declaration, but it’s our reminder of our special and timeless connection.
“Sorry, Hayes,” I whisper before looking deep into his brown eyes, so reflective of his swirling and pure emotion. I wish I didn’t have to darken them with sadness, but I have to. For us. “You’re not her dad, Hayes. You can’t have children.”
And I watch his eyes closely and see the moment he starts falling away from me. It’s so sudden, it’s like he’s dropped off a cliff in front of me. I use both my hands to grab his face, my nails accidentally scratching him, but I can’t let him go through this part alone.
“Hayes, look at me,” I growl when he shuts his eyes, cutting me off. “Don’t shut me out.”
