"Ginny! You made it!" Hartley's excited welcome, sounds practiced as she walks towards me. Dressed in the latest summer collection from some up-and-coming chic designer. I am surprised the price tags are not still on her dress.
"Of course I made it. I couldn't miss this," I offer politely, before she envelopes me in a gigantic over the top air hug.
"Promise me you are okay. Don't let anyone make you feel awkward today," she whispers before turning me so that I face the small gathering of old friends and her family.
I'm good, I repeat quietly in my head like a soothing mantra. I have been saying this on repeat since I got the invitation to Hartley's engagement party. Seven years is eons of time really, over two and a half thousand days to be precise, but throw in some dramatic teenage memories along with some fucked up adult shit, and I quickly start to spiral down that black hole again. One breath in, one breath out,I'm good.
Hartley lets me out of her arms and gently pushes me towards the waiting group before she moves deeper into the room. They are all in the middle of polite conversation, although I notice them watching covertly, as I make my way toward them, my eyes still averted. The soft dulcet tones of a string quartet follows me forward, the melody suitably dramatic. My eyes finally leave the floor and delaying the inevitable for a bit longer, I take the opportunity to look over their stylish apartment. I have seen photos of it previously, when they first got it, but I haven't seen it finished and I haven't seen it with all our old friends inside.
I'm good. One more mantra for luck before I flick my hair back and finally look at them, with a graceful smile plastered on my face.
Of course Dom turns first. Even after all this time, he is striking. And he steals my breath for so many reasons.
"Hey you. Thank you for coming. It means the world to Hartley and I," he stops at a respectable distance, slowing, so he can see me, so we can gauge each other again.
I close the distance between us and offer him a polite handshake.
"I just told Hartley, I wouldn't miss it for the world. How could I? My god, you two are getting engaged? Honestly, it's wonderful news," I say softly to him, holding his gray eyes so he can understand the sincerity of my words.
I'm good. I repeat as he squeezes my hand tight, offering me a very platonic euro kiss to the side of my cheek that physically locks me down for a few moments.
Hartley struts back to us then, dragging Lizzie and Drew behind her.
"Well, well, well, Verginius Bellafonte aren't you looking fabulous," Lizzie blows over the distance separating us, before she does an excited shimmy, jumping up and down, pulling me in for a hug. A sincere hug.
Drew stands back, a pretty smirk on his face too. His eyes though, say it all.
"Lizzie, I saw you only a few weeks ago. Don't be a dick!" I say laughing, thankful, to at least, have one friend here.
Drew extends a hand to me, offering me a handshake. I quirk my eyebrow at him before I politely offer one back. He releases it quickly, before turning and walking back towards his group of friends.
"Come on, let me grab you a drink," Lizzie replies, ignoring Drew's greeting, before she all but drags me across the foyer, into the area set up as a bar.
Hartley and Dom's apartment is beautiful, in its strange mix of minimalism and Cape Cod, evenArchitectural Digestbelieves it works, as detailed in its recent glossy spread. The view though is what I think is its best feature. The large vista across the bay is very drool worthy. This apartment suits them. And as hard as I try to ignore the mingling crowd and focus on the party, it is the beautiful view that commands my attention. Admittedly, I prefer to focus on the view and the house instead of the people within it, but that is an impossibility today.I'm good.
"What will you have darling?" Lizzie croons at me whilst leaning over the bar top to grab the barman's attention. The bar they have set up, in the space, is stocked with all the top shelf spirits, a startling selection of the best champagne available with matching red and white wine varieties sitting on display. The event coordinator did an exceptional job in setting the area up. It mimics any downtown bar perfectly.
"Gin and Tonic, no lemon," I respond quickly. I keep my focus on Lizzie and the bar, letting the activities and festivities of the room continue on without me. Giving myself a little extra time. I did the worst part of today already. Now I get to fade into the background a little.
Always knowing today will be difficult, I have worked through pretty much every situation I can expect in my head over the past month, as I readied myself for this. My therapist and I even role played a few possibilities. I practiced. I meditated. And now I am pretty sure I am about to freak the fuck out.
I'm good.
St. Joseph's had scarred me in so many ways. My teeth grit, as I clench my jaw in frustration, and my heart rate picks up slightly. Good timing on Lizzies part as she turns with our drinks in her hand and offers me my G & T with a smile.
"Let's go mingle. I am not letting you stand in the corner again. You face these assholes Gin. You did nothing wrong. Don't interpret it differently. We were nasty fucking kids back then. Move it Gin!" she hip bumps me and nods her head in the direction she wants me to take. I couldn’t agree more with her statement, except to add perhaps that they are fucking nasty adults now.
I slow my pace a little, so that she can lead us. Otherwise, she is right, I will take us straight to the nearest corner, as close to the exit as possible and watch the clock tick slowly.
She pulls us back towards our old group of friends. Pasting another big smile on my face we walk up to them and join into their clique.
I am thankful for the drink I hold in my hand, although it is already needing a refill. My nerves make me sip it, quicker than usual. Although, I'm always partial to a G & T. The bitterness calls to me.
As I sip at my drink, I watch the St. Joseph's gang all together in one place. I know for a fact they all catch up regularly, well more often than I do. There is a lot of warmth and friendship in this circle, a lot of veiled hostility also. It only feeds my social anxiety.
If I were to hazard a guess and remember correctly, Drew is currently single, Lizzie and her banker boyfriend, Charles are smiling sweetly at each other, his hand sits on her lower back. Karen and Tomas, of all people, are holding hands. And Hartley and Dom are beaming and enthusiastic of their retelling of some sweet story of their relationship.
I join in a couple of times, laugh mindlessly at the appropriate places, constantly checking how much time has passed, before excusing myself to grab another drink.
