The past few days in the run up to the party have been uneventful. Although, admittedly, I have spent a fair bit of time living in pretend land, so maybe I have just lost the ability to read and feel things properly.
Since Hunter walked away, stealing a fair bit of me with him, I have settled into my routine. I just forgot to add the real me to everything I am doing. Unsurprisingly my friends don't even notice, so I figure I am doing an exceptional job at hiding the real me from everyone. I can’t hide from Grandpa though, and on that first afternoon, I called him and cried my heart out to him, until the tears stopped falling. His encouragement and his awesome ability to listen without judgement, saw me even share a few watery, emotionless laughs with him.
PT with Drew passes in a series of more demanding work-out sessions, Tomas seems to think we need to find another challenge to master. I show up physically, do what is required, and use the excuse of looming exams as a good way of avoiding Drew's inquisitive gaze. During those long days, I use the excuse of my study load often, hiding away in the library by myself or in my room, ignoring the knocks, the calls, and the texts, it works mostly.
Things with Dom are unsurprisingly awkward, even though he is so damn excited. The guilt at me not being a part of his excitement keeps me awake at night. I am pretty sure I am punishing him for his hand in this Hunter mess, even though I still don't understand what happened. I would love nothing more than feigning sickness or telling him to shove our date up his ass, but then I look at him and all it does is add to my addled thoughts.
Grandpa's words loop around my head also, urging me to stop being ‘mature’ Gin and start living, start feeling and enjoying being a teenager without the weight of expectation on my shoulders. As I get closer to the party, I wonder if he is on to something.
In between my training, my schooling, and my fumbling attempt at Coding, I find a little bit of my tenacity return. Hunter doesn't attend any of our tutor sessions, even though I show up waiting every day, hoping.
Hartley comes and sees me each night after my pretend tutor sessions. I can't even tell her the truth, that he walked out on me, it just opens up too many other things that I would have to explain. The whole situation is so hard, too difficult to understand. I mean, I don’t myself, how could I explain it to someone else? But Hartley is not an idiot. She knows something is wrong and she also knows that I will tell her when I am ready and not before.
The day of the party eventually arrives. I still wish I could just sleep through the day and night. I just don't want to go to it; I don't want to say to Dom I don't want to go, I honestly wish this day will just disappear.
I spend the morning getting ready and maybe take a little bit extra time to ensure that I look great. More for myself, I think as I get ready, I feel the sting of my own deception.
I just wish I could feel for Dom what I should because he has been nothing but spectacular. He is the perfect boyfriend material, my mother would swoon. Or, maybe, I just have never thought of someone else besides my childhood dream of Hunter. I stop and stare at myself as I finish my lip liner wondering if that is all this is, if that is what is stopping me from starting anything else with anyone else, a silly fantasy.
Hunter always feels like more than a dream but maybe as harsh as it sounds, that’s all he was. A dream for something better, especially after Dad died and I was stolen away in the middle of the night, to live the life of a princess. He might just be nothing more than a happy memory, from a sad time.
That thought brings me to the feeling that I am standing on a tightrope, balanced but wobbling crazy, right in the middle. Going either way, back or forward, will take the same dedication, both will take me to a similar haven of sorts, either will keep me safe, one not more attractive than the other. I stop staring and start acting. Finishing off my ruby red lipstick, I spray down with my favourite perfume, shimmy around to make sure I look okay and then I wait for Dom to knock on my door. I take a deep settling breath as I stand there and let my changed mindset wash over me, it feels different. It feels okay, and maybe it will work. I question and run through endlessly about, how will I know if I didn’t even try?
Of course, Dom will never keep me waiting and I open the door to him, holding a magnificent bunch of my favourite flowers, electric blue hydrangeas. How he got them at this time of year I don't know, but all I can see, is that he did. The flowers though can't distract me from the guy standing in front of me. His steely grey eyes are overflowing with hope and desire. It does wonders for a girl's confidence and I quickly invite him in.
"Jesus Gin, what are you wearing? You look incredible," he whispers as he moves closer to me, almost like he is stalking prey. A flash of guilt runs through my body as I remember not only a few days ago the feelings that Hunter stirred in me, but I contain them in a heartbeat, when I remember his rejection, his nasty words.
I promised Dom a chance and tonight that is, what this is.
"Thank you, Dom," I say as I reach up on my tippy toes to kiss him on the cheek, my liquid red nails wiping the remnants of my kiss off his face, although there is nothing there. I watch his eyes and the flare in interest at my touch.
"Let's go then, sexy," Dom replies before holding his hand out to me, watching my eyes carefully, maybe checking for any hesitation before greedily grabbing my little hand in both of his. He pulls me to him just as quickly, dropping one hand of his to wrap around my shoulder. "I can't tell you how long I have waited for this Ginny. Thank you for giving me this one night," he whispers before letting me out of the hug and pulling us to the door. His step full of his excitement, his eagerness.
We walk hand in hand to the St. Joseph's ballroom. It is so close it takes less than ten minutes to walk there and we are surrounded by just about everyone else at the school, either in couples or small groups. Everyone is dressed up in casual attire with most girls opting for pretty jumpsuits or long flowing dresses. There are only a few girls wearing pants and heels like me. I love my navy blue cigarette pants and the white bustier top is classy enough for the after-party also. My matching Bolero jacket is cute and gives me a little protection from the cooling night.
Dom has talked the whole way, regaling me with funny stories of the last few dances he has been to and what to expect. He is so damn attentive, I relax into his arm as we make our way there. Dom is always so easy to be with, which confirms my decision earlier about Hunter, just being a happy memory.
"Dom," I stop before we enter. I am nervous but I need to speak with him before we walk through the doors for some reason. "I'm so sorry I made this hard on you. You know I just had some stuff I had to work through, and I think maybe I worked through them. But I really am thrilled to be here with you and I am looking forward to getting to know you. Let's just take this slowly but I think I would like to try this out," I finish speaking and look up into his face.
His eyes are just huge, the thrill of my words evident in them. He understands what I just said and he drops my hand, before stepping closer into me. His hands curl up around my face, almost reverently, before he drops his forehead to mine in the gentlest of touches. "You have no idea how happy that makes me Gin. I promise I won't rush any of this, but my god you just made me the happiest guy here. Thank you," he holds me as he just stares into my eyes. He must see what he needs because before I know what is going on he leans forward even closer, his mouth nearing mine. "Can I kiss you Gin?" he asks, his voice cracking in his desire and also his nerves.
I smirk a little at him before leaning into him, closing the small distance between us. Kissing Dom is pretty amazing, admittedly I have only ever kissed Jackson, who was just an awkward experience, and Hunter. And this is nothing like that.
I sigh into his mouth and smile between his little kisses, before he slows the fun, and ups the heat. He tilts my face to him so that he can have better access before kissing me passionately, leaving us both pulling away panting into each other's mouth.
"Gin, you have ruined me forever now. How will anyone ever match that kiss? Thank you. God Gin, I just want to go back to my room and screw the party, but I also want to shout from the rooftop that she finally kissed me!" he is laughing in his carefree abandon, and it is a swoon worthy thing to behold.
"Well, let's go say hello to everyone and see what happens. As they say Dom, the night is but young!" I follow his happiness with mine, but I also move my body closer to his, eager to experience one of his kisses again.
Dom pulls me close into his arms again and with his eyes wide open he descends ever so slowly to my lips, and this time we both close our eyes and moan a little at the feelings our kisses inspire.
"Stop kissing me Gin! We will never get to the party," he growls low, into my lips before making a conscious decision and almost pushing me out of his arms.
"Is my lipstick smudged?" I ask, coylike, whilst my eyes beg for him to repeat our makeout session.
"I wouldn't give a shit if it was. I want everyone to see that I have been kissing you. Sadly, no. I am going to buy you normal lipstick, none of that stay-on shit. I want those smudges. Let's go pretty girl. Everyone is waiting for us," he leans in quickly and offers me another Dom kiss but before we get distracted in our discovery of each other, we step away. He grabs my hands and leads us into the party.
We walk into the ballroom and it is less than three seconds, before Hartley's screaming in my face, jumping up and down hugging me in her excitement. A big smile breaks over my face which is pretty similar to the one that Dom wears and we are surrounded by friends all congratulating us on our new budding relationship.
