He shrugs and grins. “Well, repeating that you look like a woman who needs a ring on her finger with me as her husband probably earns me an unimpressed grimace.”
Vaguely, I can hear Esme pretend to cough, clearly having heard.
As much as Carter is joking, he isn’t. His wish and impatience are underneath his words.
Nervously I smile. “Well, that’s my cue to get dressed and wrap this all up.”
“What?” His hands come out to his sides.
Esme holds up her camera. “I mean, I do engagement photos. If it wasn’t for the fact that this is my gift to you then I would say we can arrange a package deal.” She is humorously throwing a little oil onto the fire, and I toss her a warning glare that causes her to chortle.
I begin to rub my temples, appearing not to enjoy this scene even though it warms my heart, and I’m struggling to lock down my smile that wants to erupt.
That’s a sign. I’m not tense due to this conversation.
Carter quickly kisses my forehead. “Relax.” I don’t need to apparently. “Just wanted to stop by on my way to Oliver’s.”
“Okay, have fun.”
“Just call if you need something.”
I nod in acknowledgment, with a gnawing emotion inside of me.
It’s only made worse when a few hours later, I’m lying on the couch with soft music, dim lighting, and a lit candle. The fleece blanket only makes my coziness even better. Carter decided to stay at Oliver’s to watch the hockey on TV, as the Spinners are playing against Toronto. I think he felt guilty because we are in the last few weeks when it is just him and me before a baby enters the picture, but I assured him that I just wanted to journal then fall asleep.
The notification ding on my phone goes off, and I glance at the screen to see an incoming email from Esme. I tap my thumb on the subject line of unedited photos. The instant I see the first one, a big smile is plastered on my face.
I’m hot. I have no problem saying that.
Maybe they’re right and I should hang a few photos on the wall in the living room. I’m loving my legs and arms. My hair cooperated today, too. I scroll through a few where I was sitting on my knees in the middle of the bed, a few at the window, and then I stall.
There is the photo of Carter and me together at the window. It looks natural because we don’t even notice the camera, and we’re smiling at one another while touching my belly. To any outsider who isn’t privy to the details of our dynamics, they would only see a couple madly in love and ready to be parents.
Which is actually true.
Closing the email, I roll my lips in, and my thoughts linger for a few seconds before I tap my screen to reach the folder in my drive that I don’t open often. One would think when you divorce someone that you would delete the photos, but it never crossed my mind to erase the evidence of a chapter of my life.
The screen fills with a photo of Carter and me, a selfie from our wedding day. Truely elated and in bliss. The next photo is us sitting by the river. I smile to myself at the next photo where we are lying in bed, and we were playing around with the camera one morning. Completely innocent. Fully clothed and beaming with contentment. I’ve started myself on a spiral as I continue to swipe. There was that time we went away to a bed-and-breakfast up in Wisconsin, and a simple photo of us drinking coffee at Jolly Joe’s over in Lake Spark.
I remember the moments that are forever part of me and a reminder that I can have it all again.
That’s the thing that I realize. No matter what happened or where I was or am now, Carter Oaks is like an undertow in a river. Far too strong to let you go in the opposite direction.
That never went away, nor will it ever.
19
ROSIE
My sister holds up her cake pop with icing and blue sprinkles. “So basically, we eat the balled-up cake with blue or pink sprinkles since your dearest ex-husband still won’t tell anyone.”
I take another bite from the blue one I have in one hand and then the pink one in my other. “You’re supposed to choose the one that is your guess,” I say with a full mouth.
“Sprinkles are gross.” She returns to the counter to enjoy her snack plate.
I laugh then soak in the scene filled with baby shower decorations and a buffet table on one side. Hailey kept it exactly how I wanted. Not over the top.
The dining table is a mess from making candles together, but it’s perfect.
