I shrug. “I mean, it will be winter, so we’d only be inside anyway. It’s still a while away. I was thinking that we could do Blessingway since we will be all women. It’s a tradition, and it will be great. We’ll make a bracelet from beads that I can wear during labor, and we can all light a candle.” Already, I’m smiling in excitement.
Bella stares at me blankly. “Is that the ceremony you dragged me to once where you spread cacao paste on your face and go around a circle to share your inner thoughts?”
“No. This won’t be a cacao ceremony, and you loved that, by the way. It cleared your skin for days.”
Gracie nods. “Yeah, that was a miracle,” she comments seriously.
“I don’t care what we do, as long it gives me some good juju to find a guy.” Bella drinks from her coffee.
I narrow my eyes at her. “You’re still young. You have time.”
“I guess.”
I glance at my phone screen to see the time, and I have to get on with my day since I have a few errands. “I’m going to have to head out.”
“No worries. I’ll catch up with Gracie then head back home before Mom flips out that I’m late for dinner. It’s like I’m forever ten or something.”
Gathering my purse, I recall the feeling. “Leave her alone. She was always meant to be a mom. Always puts us first. It’s probably why I remember so many things from when I was little, all the way back to when I was three and carried around a unicorn named Jelly everywhere.”
My sister reaches out and touches my hand. “You’re also meant to be a mom and are putting the baby first. That’s why you seem to struggle a little with your emotions and it isn’t hormonal. You just want it all to be right.”
Gracie watches us with affection.
We stand and give hugs goodbye. “Sister, oh so wise you might have become.”
Or just a speaker of the truth, but I’m not going to highlight that.
* * *
A week later,I notice that there are a few questions etched on people’s faces as Carter and I stroll side by side in the baby store a few towns over. It’s probably because I’m next to a guy in a uniform, and if it wasn’t for the fact that I’m visibly pregnant then one might assume I’m in trouble for shoplifting.
I shoot the little scanning gun at the box of diapers on the shelf.
“We’ve walked around the entire place once and you’ve only scanned a box of diapers. You know, we might need a little more than that,” he teases me.
I read the screen on the scanner and notice how empty the list is. “Sorry. I want to have fun with this, but I can’t help feeling guilty that people want to buy us gifts.”
He snorts a laugh. “Because they want to. They’re all still battling it out who will throw a baby shower that is way over the top, too.”
Shrugging, I glance at the baby wipes. “I know, but when I was traveling, I saw so many mothers who all they had was their baby, worn-out clothes, and maybe a wrap to hold them. They had nothing, and here I am about to scan away.”
Maybe it’s because I just reminded us that I disappeared across the world which causes Carter to halt and draw in a breath, but his gleeful attitude for today seems to vanish. He touches my elbows, his eyes clouded with insistence.
“Rosie, you have a good heart. You didn’t need to travel the world to figure that out.”
It cuts through me because it means I didn’t need to leave at all. My lip begins to tremble because it’s yet another blow to being aware of my mistakes.
Carter realizes that his words were a little harsh, even though his tone is anything but. “Forget I said that.” He glances away.
I sniffle. “No. It’s okay. You meant it and are probably right.”
“I am right.” His finger catches my chin to guide me back to his warm eyes. “You have a good heart is what I mean. I already know that whatever we get that you don’t need, you will donate somewhere. You don’t need to feel guilty or selfish. You’re allowed to enjoy this. I want to enjoy this… with you.”
I’m beginning to find tranquility again, and his smile calms me. He seems to have the power to chisel away a little worry inside of me.
“Stop feeling like everything you do is wrong. You’re going to be a great mom and need to worry less.”
“Bella said the same.” I press my lips together.
