The crash that happened because I broke her heart.
And here we are, in a car, with tears in her eyes all over again.
“Maybe it’s true. We’re in a fog and not thinking. It could just be lust or we’re confusing this moment in life with reality.” Summer wipes a tear away.
My entire body burns inside. I could end this pain for her in one moment, but I won’t. We have to reach the destination on our own terms. “I believe we’re living reality.”
“Nash, everyone is thinking what we ignore. It’s only been a few months and…”
Reaching over, I catch a tear descending her cheek with my thumb. “Who cares what anyone may think.”
Her snicker takes me aback, and she looks at me, with the dashboard light shading her face in a light blue hue. Just as it did all those years ago. Beautiful and sad. She was the Summer I let go then. But she won’t be the Summer I let go now.
“That’s kind of rich, don’t you think? Back then, you cared about what Zac thought so much that it destroyed us. Now it doesn’t matter?”
Yet again, someone is calling me out on what I should be thinking about more.
“I-I guess…”
“Because we no longer have something blocking our way?” she highlights that fact.
Shamefully, I nod my head. “Summer, this isn’t how today was supposed to go. We knew they would find out, and we were aware that it might be uneasy.”
“That was a lion’s den, Nash.”
Finding her hand, I trap it between my palms. “You’re not any of those things my dad said. He’s just… dealing in his own way since Zac left us.”
She exhales. “I’m aware. It’s more his points about us that maybe rub me the wrong way.”
“How so?”
“What is the plan? You move in? To the house that your brother bought? What about Bo? Do you raise him as your own? Or as your nephew? Can there be a difference? You and me? Are we going too fast? We never had closure, you and I. We were a car crash followed by years of silence. Maybe this is our closure.”
I don’t have answers. All I realize is that when I saw a moment to have her, I didn’t let go. Maybe I should have given her more breathing space or just thrown her the magic sign that I’ve been holding onto.
“We’ll figure it out.”
“Don’t keep saying that.” She raises her voice but then glances to the back where Bo has fallen asleep. “My world is spinning,” she whispers. “I’m in a car with you, and it doesn’t feel like last time. I see it in your eyes. You won’t let go this time.”
“I won’t,” I promise.
Her lip trembles while she wipes away another tear withthe back of her hand. “Why do we keep ending up in these places?” She attempts to smile. “A car or that ridiculous dock.”
Letting go of her hand, I choose to hook my finger under her chin to guide her gaze to me. “Want some good news?”
“Yes.”
“The cookies at the Dizzy Duck are now shaped as snowmen.”
It causes her to giggle and cry at the same time. “That is good news.”
Leaning down, I capture her mouth for a kiss, not caring about the salty tears. I just need to ease her. My heart wants to wrap around her and lock her in.
It’s so painfully obvious to me right now.
My brother left her in pieces when she became a widow, and now I’m bringing her to pieces because of confusion of what is right. That’s two times broken in a short time. It makes sense why this is so difficult for her.
It should be for me too.
