“Are you okay?” I cup her elbow as she straightens her body and takes a deep breath with her back to me.
“No, Nash. I’m not okay.” She turns to face me with complete helplessness. “I meant what I said. How you and I are behind closed doors is for us. In the real world… well, I’m still a widow whose husband has only been gone for a few months.”
Pinching my nose, I look past her shoulder to consider my words. “Summer?—”
“Nash.” Summer peers shyly up at me. “We’ve hidden our relationship before, we’re pros at it.”
My eyes grow bold. “That’s not the same. Things are different.”
She bobs her head side to side. “Under the radar. It’s not crazy. We talked about this.”
“I understand, but back there was the babysitter who I think could care less.”
She now appears fuming. “Do you not remember how small Lake Spark is? It takes one whisper and the whole town will know that I’m sleeping with my dead husband’s brother. I mean, what the hell will your parents even think if they find out?”
My lips roll in as I digest her words, and I hold my palms in front of my chest to indicate for her to calm down. “I hear you, I do. Just don’t let this ruin your day.”
“You’re far too relaxed about all of this, but even I know that you want to honor Zac’s memory, even if we don’t in private.”
Her words hit hard. If only she knew how deep we’re in.
I swallow any response because I don’t have one. “I think we’re both on the same page, just coping differently. Now breathe, Summer. You don’t have to be perfect.”
Her nostrils flare from her hitched breath as she soaks in my words. “I’m sorry. I didn’t sleep much last night.”
My brows rise and then drop. We both realize why, but this isn’t a time to flirt.
“I’ll see you later. I really need to go, and I keep reminding myself one day at a time, and today this is where we are,” she states as she pulls the handle on the driver’s door.
I smile faintly.
Inside, I want to punch something, because I hate that despite what’s transpiring between us, she feels a turmoil that’s hard to ignore.
“Cut the crap.What the fuck have you done?” I say to my brother’s gravestone.
It’s my first time here since the funeral a few months back. I’m not sure why I haven’t visited since, but I can’t hold it in anymore.
“Is this some game that you decided we could all play as a parting gift?” I struggle to keep my rage at bay. “There is no way you had me return to Lake Spark under the ruse of watching out for Summer and Bo. I’m just not sure Summer really grasps that. Quite frankly, I’m going to let her figure it out herself. It’s the safest way.”
Fumbling with loose grass, I sigh as I calm. “I’m attached. To Bo, to Summer, to Lake Spark and its near cult-like fascination with fall. Even the Dizzy Duck, which I had zero interest in before, is suddenly appealing. You were lucky. Lake Spark, the wife, and a son. If only I had realized that, maybe I could have been lucky, too.” I toss the grass to the side. “I feel guilty even thinking that. She was alwayssupposed to be yours, but now I realize that it might not be true. I can’t have that thought, because otherwise, there would be no Bo. When I came back to Lake Spark, I thought you sent me into this scenario to taunt me with what you had. But is it a taunt if I get it?”
Because that’s the kind of man that I am—selfish.
“I’m sorry. This road that you’re sending us on? It’s not your ridiculous video game of throwing newspapers into people’s windows… which by the way, I played all the way through one weekend when you were away with a friend,andI beat your high score… It’s just… you’re playing with us. Except… only I’m aware of the rules to this game it seems.”
My sharp breath informs me that I’ll only go in a circle. I’ve said my piece, and now I just need to wait.
Tossing a puck between my hands,I lean against Holden’s office door, listening to him repeat that everything is under control at the Dizzy Duck.
“Nothing that you need help with?”
Holden seems exhausted from me as he leans back in his chair and chews on a pen. “Just listen when we talk numbers and throw in a few good ideas.”
My eyes squint as I study him and realize Summer’s conundrum. “You’re being extra sensitive and sympathetic to me, aren’t you? Don’t want me to feel compelled to do more?”
Holden’s jaw flexes side to side, as he’s aware he has been caught out. “Don’t kill me for trying to be a decent human. Summer already makes me question if acting business as usual is normal.”
I throw the puck in the air then catch it. “Maybe it is. Just let us figure it out.”
