But why does my heart twist so much?
12
NASH
My fingers trail along Summer’s arm as we lie on the couch with a throw blanket loosely draped over her. All the more reason why I need to keep her naked body warm and close to me.
“This has to be our last time,” she whispers weakly as her eyes follow her fingertips tracing my chest.
“Then why are you still in my arms?”
“Maybe I want to get every moment I can,” she answers.
I inhale the scent of her hair, a familiar calmness coming over me. “I’m surprised you haven’t run away yet. But here you stay.” Her lips brush along my chest, and she settles again with her cheek resting against my body as I begin to stroke her hair.
“It’s hard to… It feels like we are picking up from the last moment I was in your arms like this. Except there’s time between us, and I’m not sure if it haunts me or not.”
“Let go, Summer. Speak without thought. Otherwise, you’ll be miserable.”
“I don’t like being alone,” she laments.
I squeeze her tighter. “You’re not. You don’t need to fight it. I’m not going to run away.”
“You did last time.”
My body stills for a second due to the reminder. “Things change. Life changed.”
She gave a gift to my brother. My nephew is in the picture. The challenges seem vague in the future for us, but that’s better than nothing.
Our fingers gravitate toward one another and intertwine to move our hands together. “It feels like we’ve come full circle if I’m honest. It was you, then not, and now I’m back to you. The hole in my heart for many reasons is beginning to diminish slightly, barely.”
“That’s a start.”
We lie here in silence in an embrace that is more than comfort; it’s right.
“I remember you and I being like this for hours. Nobody knew. Now it seems to be a repeat, except I haven’t figured out if the stakes are higher.”
Inside of me there is a fight to shake her and tell her it’s all going to be okay. In truth, this is a whole new realm for all of us. Both Summer and I want to honor Zac and the time since he has passed. Except for me, my timer is up. Does that make me a bad person?
Am I just swooping in because I have my chance to have Summer again? We haven’t even figured out if my brother is the ghost that will haunt us or guide us. I’m just choosing the latter.
“Remember when you and I would order in food so we would never be apart? Just you and me barely clothed and talking?” she asks.
“I wouldn’t forget something like that.” We would lie in bed for hours, and I would take her too many times to count.
“We were in our own world. That’s what I want now.” Summer lifts her head to bring her gaze to mine. “I need to process what’s happening between you and me. Is this what consolation is, or do people get a second chance in the saddest of circumstances?”
What she says is wise. We could both be blinded by lust, even if I’m confident that I won’t let go this time.
“I’ll give us that,” I agree.
Her sigh for once sounds comforting. Summer’s letting go, even if just for tonight.
“I should probably go to sleep. I need to be at the Dizzy Duck early,” she mentions yet doesn’t make an effort to move.
Nor do I encourage her to leave our island on the couch. My eyes roam the room, purposely avoiding any photos on mantels, and I’m relieved that the box of blocks is an easy distraction. “Summer.”
“Mmhmm.” She sounds drowsy.
