Oh how I want that too.
Her face is heartbreaking because I can see that she truly means every word leaving her mouth. “I… I will try.” Is it a lie? Or am I not trying hard enough?
She slouches into the seat and turns away from me to gaze out the window. “Promise me, she’ll go away.”
I squeeze my eyes closed with my entire body tense. “Maybe I shouldn’t have had this conversation with you, but if there was any ounce that you would want to see her then I owed it to you to ask.”
“Well, now you know, and we can forget this conversation,” she snipes, and I’m not sure if it’s me or her mom that she’s angry at.
At this moment, I don’t dare mention about Lexi and me. One step at a time.
“Okay, Lori,” I promise.
Starting up the car, I drive us away in silence, wondering how many more mistakes I can make in the span of 48 hours.
Because I’m walking through a maze and failing miserably at discovering the end.
26
LEXI
Opening my suitcase that I threw onto the edge of the bed in Summer’s spare room, I sigh. Zac is away at a medical conference, so we’re all alone for a few days. Still, I debate if I should even unpack anything.
“Here. Have some water,” Summer offers when she strolls into the room. She hands me a bottle while she too observes my predicament. “You’re just going to live out of a suitcase?”
I take a sip of the drink then flop onto the mattress next to the bag. “I’m not sure. I feel like Holden will come to his senses, but then again, he trampled on my heart, so that’s my sign to leave Lake Spark.Except…” I sigh. “I already accepted my next project, and I think my new addiction to Jolly Joe’s coffee can’t simply be ignored.” I must sound miserable.
Summer stares at me with a glint of amusement as she crosses her arms. “Do you truly believe he is going to beg for youto come back?”
I bite my inner cheek and ignore the dullness in my belly. “Maybe I want to imagine it far too much that I’m blinded by the obvious.”
She grabs a nightgown from the top of the pile in my luggage and holds the lace up by her finger as she inspects it. “Doesthis even cover anything?” Her face screws up.
My brows rise because this is the last thing we should be discussing, yet it’s still a nice memory with Holden. “I think that’s the point.”
She stutters a laugh and drops it back onto the clothes. “I want to root for you two. I’m sure you’re right, that he’s pushing you away due to his current situation, although…” She bobs her head side to side. “It’s a shitty way to do it.Butsometimes in life we need to let go because it isn’t meant to be.” Her eyes fill with sorrow, and I wonder if she’s speaking of herself in her current marriage.
I throw my closed bottle of water behind me. “This hurts too much. You could be right. No more chance for us.” A cry bursts up through my body to hit the back of my throat and sting my eyes.A wound he caused that makes my lips quiver.“I’m sure as hell not going to chase him or try and speak to him again any time soon. He has to figure everything out, and if he didn’t mean what he said, then he must make the next move. But that’s the problem…”
Summer walks to lean against the dresser. “Go on.”
“It could very well be that Holden meant every word.” I scoff a sound and fall back onto the mattress. “What a naïve woman I’ve been.”
Summer sighs. “It will be okay, either way.”
I wipe a tear away. “Why does it have to hurt this much?”
“Sometimes love hurts us.”
My attention causes me to shoot up onto my elbows. “I guess I’ve never looked at it from that angle. Still doesn’t make it any less painful. When he first broke it off, his conviction was strong, but yesterday at the hotel it was less. Still, I’m hopeful, even if he doesn’t deserve it.”
“Maybe space will help. But why are you so adamant to wait for him? He ran away when things got tough.” It keeps sounding as though she is speaking to herself.
A faint wry smile brings a line to my mouth. “I’ve always treated life with such ease. But now, I see what I’ve been missing, and Holden surges into my life and I see everything through a different lens. I didn’t know I was waiting for that. Now? My instincts scream that I shouldn’t let go. That’s what you do when you love someone.”
“Don’t confuse attachment with love,” she highlights.
I swing my legs off the bed and stand. “I hear you. But I feel it in my bones that we are the real thing. It’s so twisted, but I will wait a long time if it means he comes around.” I search for my sweater that I tossed somewhere in my anguish.
