-Stone
* * *
Walkingout of Zumba class with Flo, we find a seat on a bench in the changing room, ignoring everyone around us while we drink from our water bottles.
“You seem… down,” she remarks.
I close my bottle. “I am, and I’m not.”
“Okay, let me be blunt. Since your last trip, you’ve been down.”
A smile is instant on my face, as it always is when it involves Stone. “It was a wonderful few days. Better than I could have imagined. Therein lies the problem.” I sigh. “I feel so close to him, it hurts to be away for long periods. Those are all promising signs when it comes to being with someone, yet I can’t help feeling that we are in a spiral that will never end. That’s what I hate and has me down.”
“Ah, the classic ‘why am I doing this if I’ll only end up in pieces’ kind of philosophy?”
I zip up my light sweater that was in my bag. “It’s hitting me. We ignored it last time we were together, but maybe we were too easy on ourselves, you know?”
Flo gives me a knowing, closed-mouth smile. “Blinded by affection is what you’re saying. Except… well… I think it’s more than that. You’re not sure if he’s the guy you’re falling in love with or the guy who in a way has helped you heal.”
“I don’t want to confuse those two things.”
She raises her finger in the air. “My guess is you already know the answer, you’re just looking for an excuse. You two are not the first couple to do the long-distance thing, but people do it because they don’t want to let love go. Sure, eventually they have to find a landing place. You don’t need to be there now, though. You met the guy like six months ago.”
That strong current swirls inside me again. “Sometimes that’s all it takes to feel as though the world is different when they’re not around. Hell, people marry in shorter times than that.”
We pause our conversation when we stand up and leave. Deciding to walk two blocks, we grab a table at a café for a late breakfast. Although we made small talk on the walk over, the moment after I order my juice and bagel with avocado, Flo picks up right where we left off.
“So, what’s your plan of action?”
I gently shake my head side to side. “I’m not sure. All options hurt. It just appears letting my feelings for Stone grow, it means a harder ending.”
Flo puffs out a breath. “Now you’re just being a pain in my ass. There doesn’t have to be an ending.”
My shoulders roll back, as I need to release stress and that seems to be my body's way of dealing with it. “I can’t even think straight.”
“Have you tried talking to him about this?”
“I’m sensing that he’s feeling it too, but Stone is relentless, that’s just his nature and temperament. We’re also not very good at finding clarification.” I pick up my lip balm from my bag to smother a layer on my lips. “I should probably give us a little space to get our thoughts in order.”
Flo’s face screws up. “I both hate and like that idea. But ultimately, it’s your call.”
“I need to think a little more, find my feet before I figure out what’s best. All I know is I wish I didn’t have to do anything. He’s… special.” And I feel the bottom of my heart growing an ember into a flame.
Flo gives me an empathetic look which doesn’t do much to ease my mind.
* * *
Stone,
Sorry it’s been a few days since I emailed, and maybe I kind of ignored your few texts too. I’m completely, well… It’s just that I’m enamored with you. There is nothing I don’t like about you. From your mind down to your fingers to your cock… your legs, meh. The point is, what is one to do when you’re holding on, even though it might be a sinking ship?
-Harlow
* * *
You grab a life vest.
I’m not ready to let you go.
