“Learned a new fact about you then. More for me.” Stone’s voice sounds slightly delicate which causes me to jolt my sight to him as he sets the cups down on a nearby table next to the wooden seats.
“I’m not going to break if that’s what you’re worried about.”
His lips purse out, and his subtle comforting smile for once doesn’t feel like pity. “I don’t think you are.”
A silence overtakes us, as we’re both unsure of what to say.
I might as well halt the conflict of that predicament. “I write for reasons that nobody understands.” He listens patiently. “And before you ask, yeah, it’s probably what you think. What can I say? People have an evil side to do things to others.”
His head drops down, and he sighs. “I wasn’t going to ask, but the dots kind of connected.”
My cheeks stretch out from the air blowing from my mouth. He must think I’m a victim who has issues.
He reaches his fingers out to touch my shoulder softly. “Your secret is safe with me.” I don’t say anything. “I discovered one of yours, so I think to keep it fair I’ll share mine. A secret for a secret.”
Surprise flares in my eyes as I trap myself in our usual tied-together, unexplainable way.
“You don’t have to,” I offer.
“I want to. It’s not really in comparison to yours, not at all actually. I have writer’s block. My editor is expecting something in a month, and I keep getting stuck because of baggage that I should have let go of years ago. After my hockey career ended, I pretended it was some sort of fate. In truth, I was so depressed about it. What’s worse is I kept thinking of my asshole dad who left me and my brother. Having nightmares that he was standing on the ice, smirking, that he expected no less from a fuck-up of a son.”
I’m not sure what to make of it. Appreciative for sure that he’s opened up. Yet it’s not clear what I should say.
He continues, “Parents have an uncanny knack of screwing up our thoughts early in life if they’re not careful. Truthfully, everyone has moved on except me. My mom with her husband and Vaughn with fatherhood, that I’m sure he’s more capable of than I could be. And here I am with the pressure on, thinking I wanted someone to notice me while everyone gets their happy ending… it all lacks the confidence that I normally carry.”
It seems he has self-analyzed his own life to a T. I ask instead, “Your writer's block is stirring it all up?”
He nods.
“I’m sure your words will come back,” I assure him.
Stone tucks his hands into his jeans pockets to turn his attention out to the lake. “Probably, but I have a lot of people building this up as some former hockey star writing this amazing book. The pressure is there.”
“Sometimes finding a corner to be alone and writing everything that you wish would happen is the best way.”
“That’s what you do? Write what you’re afraid to do in real life?”
“It’s a bit more than that. It’s my safe space. I’m not scared of anything that happens on the page. No risk of a panic attack or feeling guilty for what I would want if I was capable.”
He draws his breath in, and yet again he is at a loss for words. Stone indicates his head back to the inn. “Want to ditch another session and do that walk we probably should have done on our first day?”
A change of scene is probably the best solution for this morning full of mixed emotions.
My mouth twitches. “Sounds perfect.”
The comforting smile he offers sparks a feeling of safe calm inside me that’s been flickering the past few days… because of him.
We both head straight for the entrance to the forest.
“Let me know if we need to stop for wild animals and leave them a note when their town hall meeting is. I heard humans are out to get them, and they must take action at once,” he teases.
An honest smile begins to haunt my lips for the first time today. “You’re really never going to let that go, are you?”
“Not a chance. And I would certainly never imply that we will cross paths again, because you’re suggesting that I will have more opportunities to taunt you.” I could swear there is optimism hidden behind his statement.
“Maybe so.” I hope so too.
We continue our walk, this time ditching the shortcut into town. The tall trees act as protection from the sky, or rather the gentle breeze that requires a sweater.
