It was that instinct. A strike hits somewhere near my heart, and an emotion begins to roar inside of me. “What do you mean you doubted the pregnancy?” We never really talked about this because for the most part he jumped right in, it seemed.
“You know, the first thought with the news was if I want to do this or not. There was an option to walk away.” His off-the-cuff tone isn’t helping this situation.
I sit up and try to wrap my head around his words, but I can’t seem to do that fast enough. “You only ever said that you needed time to think and absorb the news. But really you wanted to walk away? You didn’t want this pregnancy?” Now I recognize it, that fear that I thought faded is again boiling up inside of me.
“Isla, I was blindsided about the pregnancy, of course my mind went in all directions and options.” Vaughn doesn’t seem to get the magnitude of what he just said. Nor did I realize how an underlying fear has been lurking still.
I stand up and look at our daughter, which only sets off the tears burning my eyes, desperate to come out. “You thought she might not be something you wanted. I mean, did you think our daughter was just a mistake? I know I gave you an option to walk away, and maybe I feared it my whole pregnancy, but the moment you walked into that room, I realized I didn’t mean any of that.”
The gravity of my thoughts seems to hit him, and instantly his hand comes out to signal for me to calm down. “Isla, you’re taking this all wrong. It’s only fair to acknowledge that I was in a position where I had just discovered the truth, and for a millisecond, an absolute millisecond, I thought about an out.”
The tear that I’ve been holding in falls down my cheek. I ignore Vaughn’s gaze and begin to unbuckle the safety belt around Nora to get her out. Right now, I don’t want to be here in the moment. I need to process and think, most of all shake this shudder inside of me.
“It’s still a millisecond, which means eventually you can return to that thought and consider it an option,” I sadly point out.
Vaughn stands up. “Isla, you’re taking this out of context. I thought we were over this.” I begin to walk away from the table, with aggravation filling me just as his phone sounds an alarm that he swipes off. “Shit, I have to get to the airport.” He rakes his hands through his hair then drags his hand to the back of his neck to rub.
“You jumped right in or so I thought. But at first you really had doubts and thought of the out I offered?” I wonder.
His facial expression indicatesreally?“Because I see it as a non-issue, especially as this is exactly what I want.”
“I never once thought of an out when it comes to her,” I state blankly.
“Maybe because you knew from the start and had time to process in a normal way,” he replies. But it’s a scornful reminder of what I did, and remorse seems to hit us both. Him with his choice of words and me for a secret that I kept all those months. “Isla, this conversation is just sinking me into a bigger hole, when it really is a non-issue. It should be clear what I want, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Vaughn walks to me, kisses Nora goodbye, then caresses my cheek with the back of his hand. “We already proved we are good parents. Sometimes we have to let go of wounds to be happy.”
Then he leaves.
This is our first big disagreement since what I thought was our new reality. Or is it just an agreement? Either way, it hurts all the same.
But even I know it only takes a split second for someone’s mind to change. And what happens when Vaughn does that?
27
VAUGHN
This is not good. Not in the slightest.
Isla is not in a great place now. It’s been two days since I left, only because I had to go to Seattle for the team. Since then, it’s been basic messages about Nora. I thought the best thing to do is give a little space.
The last thing I wanted was to upset her, but I’m not going to hide the truth either.
Which is why I’m sitting next to my brother in the hotel bar, thankful he was in Seattle for book research, whatever the hell that means.
With whiskey in hand, I sigh again. “I have to turn this around.”
“You will. She’s going to realize that this is something you both can move on from,” Stone assures me.
I rub my forehead in frustration. “We better. This is making me lose focus and setting Isla and me back. Most of all, I can’t find it in me to apologize over a thought I once had, because I can’t change it. She also needs to allow some understanding to consider how this all came to be.”
“Didn’t you move on from the whole pregnancy secret?”
I nod to confirm that he is right.
“It’s got to be different for her, and you’re going to have to meet her halfway to end this lovers’ tiff.” He lifts his glass to me before taking a sip of his whiskey.
I give him an unamused look for his choice of words. “We are a bit more than lovers, you ass.”
