Licking my lips, I’m not sure that I should be having this conversation with Briggs. It’s far too close to home, it’s a topic that I have to tread carefully around. I’m an equal partner in the Isla-and-me equation. She has the same power as me to bring disaster, as far as our non-parenting relationship is concerned.
“Again, stating the obvious. What would you like me to do to prove to you that you don’t need to worry? Do I look like a man who is going to play a game with my chance at a family?”
Briggs looks at me intently, almost with a profound empathy. He even tips his nose slightly up, as if he is whiffing out my intentions in order to approve. “She no longer likes ice cream sandwiches. It’s cherry cobbler, with vanilla bean ice cream.”
I smile wryly at the advice he just gave me. Almost as if I should sway her. Did the world stop turning?
He begins to skate off, but I call out his name. “Briggs.” His attention returns to me. “I’m also counting on you. Summer is by no means easy on the schedule for me, but it is for you. I need you to take care of her when I’m not there, be the extra support we probably need.”
Briggs nods in agreement before he skates away.
I can’t process fast enough what just happened as my daughter grabs my attention, sleeping peacefully without a care in the world. Completely unaware that her parents need to figure out some things.
* * *
Islaand I go for a walk around the neighborhood, with me pushing the baby stroller.
“What should we do about the childcare situation?” I ask. The weeks are quickly passing.
Isla exhales with dread. “I’m trying not to think about it. I still have a little more time on maternity leave, as Ford gave me extra. They also said I can work part-time if I want going forward. It’s just…”
I gently touch her back while my other hand continues to push Nora. “It doesn’t excite you in the same way.”
Her shoulder slants. “Exactly. Also… I don’t want to feel like I’m leaving her too much. That’s what…”
“Your mom did.” I fill in her sentence, and we stop in our stride.
“Yeah.” I hear the sadness in her voice.
I wrap my arm around her from the side from instinct. “We’re not our parents.”
“We’ll do it better.” She doesn’t sound enthused. “Motto of our lives.”
“It can be true.”
She leans over to touch Nora’s belly; our daughter is the lightness we need when things get too real. “But to answer your question, I just don’t think I’m ready to head back to work, but I should.”
“You don’t have to rush, Isla. You don’t need to work at all if that’s what you want. I want to take care of you both. If you feel it’s better for yourself or Nora, then we’re lucky enough that it’s not an issue financially.” I’m offering because I mean it when I say that I want to take care of her.
“I couldn’t let you do that,” she’s quick to protest.
I chuckle to myself and wet my lips. “Remember, I can get a little insistent. Don’t be surprised if I hand in your resignation,” I joke with her.
Her brows raise. “Oh, I know you would. But we’re just adding to our list of things that we should establish, in parenting or with us. Because what you just offered is more than a kind gesture that doesn’t necessarily involve Nora.”
“And? I’m not worried about it. Nothing about you scares me,” I admit. I’m drawn to her like water in a tide, unable to go in the opposite direction.
Isla seems to let my revelation sink in. “Maybe you should be. I kept a secret from you. You never once doubted my irresponsible birth control accident, or asked if she was really yours. You went in headfirst without question.”
I bite the corner of my mouth. “It’s because I do trust you. Even though you didn’t tell me and it hurt, I slowly understand your reasoning.”
“I never slept with anyone else after the hurricane or even the months before, in case you’re wondering.”
“Ditto for me.”
Now she seems shocked. “What? You really didn’t sleep with anyone else?”
I shake my head.
