I laugh under my breath and step farther into the room. “So you did notice that I’m here.”
“Yeah, but I was waiting to see what you would do.”
I saunter in her direction, my eyes circling the nearly complete nursery. I’m relieved that I’m in a position where I can hire people to handle this. If I had time I would do it myself, but time is sparce.
“You looked at peace, and I’m not sure how much I would ruin that.” I join her at the window and lean against the edge. “Why are you not sleeping?”
“I’m restless. They say it happens as it gets more uncomfortable.”
I nod in understanding. “I can imagine.”
It happens yet again; our eyes get lost in one another as we take a few beats to stare.
“I’m sorry.”
Her brows raise, as she seems confused. “For what?”
“I’ve been… well, a lot of things lately.”
She hums a sound. “As much as it’s whiplash, I… understand. I don't get points for doing what I did, and forgiveness isn't always fast.”
Forgiveness, huh. I've just been on a train forward, focusing on this kid.
My thoughts float, and I glance to the side and stare at the crib for a hot second, then I return my gaze to Isla. “I’ve never been so scared in my life.”
It causes her to smile. “Trust me, I can relate.”
“What if, as much as I want to get it right, I just don’t? The last thing I want is to be like my own father.” I realize that speaking honestly with her is more of a relief than I expected.
“Sounds like we have the same fear. The last thing I ever want is for either of us to fail at this parenting thing. I want to do better than my parents, by far better. Be everything that they weren’t.”
Her hands stroke her belly, causing my sight to cascade down her body to land on the vision of the connection we will now forever share. “That’s what I want too. Doesn’t mean the anxiety vanishes.”
Isla bites the corner of her lip. “Vaughn, let’s just promise that we’ll try our damnedest for this little girl. The parenting thing, I mean.”
“I can do that.”
“All I’ve ever wanted is to have more family, and this is my chance. Probably yours too.”
I begin to smile from affection. “You seem to have become a mind reader.”
“It’s kind of obvious where our heads would go, considering our upbringing. Keeping it in just makes it hurt more. Saying it out loud is far too real.” She doesn’t blink.
Touching her arm first to comfort her, I quickly bring my hand to her navel, taking peace from this kid that somehow is the abundance of both hope and fear. Isla brings her palm over my hand. As much as this moment should be about our daughter, I can’t help but enjoy Isla’s touch. It makes my thoughts go haywire, because there are no warnings shooting through me, and there probably should be.
“I wish I didn’t have to go away to Nashville for a few days next week, but if there is anything you need, then you’ll call?”
She nods. “Of course.”
I can’t tear my eyes away from our binding life, yet I don’t dare voice the question buzzing in my head. What about us? Partly since I don’t have an answer for her. My view on relationships was thrown upside down the moment I found out I’m going to be a dad. But my attraction and wanting for her has been there from the moment we spoke about cheese all those months ago.
Easy seems to be the only solution right now. “Need anything?”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll just attempt to sleep again and think about what I’ll wear this weekend for the baby shower.” Her chin tips up, and it’s obvious she’s searching for an answer about whether I’ll be there.
I should tell her that it’s a no-brainer, but it’s also a commitment. Those tend to make me indecisive.
“You mentioned.”
