ISLA
Scarfing down the ice cream sandwich that I’m holding, Hadley comes to join me on my couch.
“Still addicted to ice cream sandwiches?”
“Yes. I moved on from those chocolate ones that have vanilla ice cream in the middle that you buy at the store. I’m now on to two chocolate chip cookies with vanilla ice cream in the middle. I think this is a craving,” I explain as I capture some melting ice cream in my mouth.
Hadley gets comfortable by tucking her knees under her. “So? Did you do it?”
I swallow my last bite and then pause for a second to prepare myself. “I messed up… a lot.”
Over the last few weeks, a stirring feeling chased me. I calmed down a bit and reentered the circle of wanting to tell Vaughn.
She studies me for a second. “You didn’t tell him, did you?”
It all comes out of me. “It’s worse, way worse.”
“How? You still haven’t told him you’re pregnant and you’re nearly halfway.” She isn’t impressed, as she keeps reiterating that he has a right to know, yet she doesn’t judge me either.
“We had sex.”
“What?” she shrieks, and her face turns confused.
I cringe. “I know, it’s not what I should have let happen.”
“Isla, you went to Tampa to tell him. You literally used your brother’s game as an excuse to fly there to tell Vaughn in person because you feel like it isn’t a conversation to have via phone or text. Yet you didn’t tell him and instead had sex with him?”
I rest my head against my propped arm on the back of the sofa. “He is in no place right now to hear that he is going to be a father. I swear that I went to his home to tell him. It’s just, when I got there, I could see that he wasn’t in a great space in terms of moods. He also made it clear that he didn’t want to talk nor be a friend, and he only wanted one thing in that moment.”
“Yeah, he just wanted to fuck,” she bluntly states.
I hold up my other palm to ease her. “It felt like it was what he needed to not be so down, and if I’m honest, I wanted it too. Really, you should have seen him. If I had told him then, he would have combusted. He also mentioned that he has no interest in further complications in his life. This…” I point to my belly, “is a complication.”
Hadley slides her jaw side to side, clearly digesting this development. “You made this far more complex. Once he finds out, he will look back at this.” I don’t answer or say anything. She reaches out to hold my hand between her palms. “Can wereallytalk for a second?”
“Always.”
“Not telling him after three attempts is your easy way out. It’s by far harder to inform him than not. You keep having excuses why you can’t tell him. They are not the real reasons, though.” She stops and waits for me to pour my heart out, but again, I stay mute.
“Isla, you’re scared he will be exactly like your dad and want no involvement. This is more about you than it is Vaughn,” she delicately explains.
An ache hits my face as my tears come tumbling down in droplets from my eyes. Her theory didn’t take much for my body to react. Simply because she’s right.
“It really sucked at times not having a dad who wanted to be involved in my life. He was barely around during Briggs’s first two years of life, and our dad completely took off when my mom was pregnant with me. What if this baby gets the same treatment?”
She squeezes my hand. “The only way to find out is to ask the man who is the father.”
“He is in a dwelling cloud, that I’m not overreacting on.”
“So, what are you going to do then?”
I sigh. “I thought about it on my flight back. I’m going to do nothing, not until he figures it out—my pregnancy, I mean. He can discover it in his own way. I can’t keep attempting to tell him and then feel horrible when I don’t, and I know that’s selfish. I fully agree that he has every right to know, but I just don’t have the strength to break the news for the reasons you mentioned. And I need my strength to ensure this baby is healthy, it should be my focus. I’m choosing my battles.”
She licks her lips and sits there in contemplation. “If that’s what you feel you need to do then… fine. I’ll support you.” I can tell she doesn’t agree, but she will be on my team anyways.
“Thank you.”
“Anything for you. Crap, is it me who made the pregnant lady cry?” Hadley is trying to make me smile.
