We stand there, completely heavy in our reality, and it feels like the ground below us is quicksand.
“I need a timeout,” I whisper my request. “A little break.”
Violet sniffles another cry as she nods before turning to walk away.
This isn’t goodbye, but at this moment, I can’t give her the answer she needs.
23
VIOLET
Iuse my spoon to play with the jellybean that sank to the bottom of my coffee. I’m sure it weighs heavy like my heart.
“How do you not need caffeine right now? You’ve barely drank anything,” Brielle mentions as she stirs the tea bag in her mug.
We’re sitting in Jolly Joe’s, and I’m sure I must look a state. I’m in yoga pants, a cute-enough hoodie, and a messy bun.
“I’m not that thirsty or hungry lately,” I tell her honestly.
She sighs in understanding. “Haven’t heard from him at all?”
I glance up from my drink while my thumb plays with the mug handle. “It’s only been a few days, but why should I?” I laugh to myself. “Then again, Declan is very good at mixed messages, so maybe I should be surprised that he hasn’t reached out.”
“Violet, I don’t know what to say. I was rooting for you two, but maybe Ford made a valid point. Why ride the train if the destination is wrong?”
For the experience, for the adventure. Sometimes we are attached to someone and refuse to let go.
“Maybe I don’t want kids or a husband one day.”
Brielle gives me a pointed look because she’s calling my bluff. “It hurts, I’m sure. You never know, maybe he’ll realize his priorities in life have changed. At least then it would be from his own initiative and not an ultimatum.”
I reach up and tighten my bun. “All valid points, but it doesn’t change the fact that I feel hollow inside and wish I wasn’t so willing to fall for him, but he made me feel… special and that something more was possible.”
She reaches across the table to squeeze my hand. “Remember the good parts.”
I nod, but my bottom lip trembles as I feel a cry about to break which has become routine lately.
Brielle smiles at someone over my shoulder. “Hey.”
I turn my head to see April and her daughter Hadley. “Hey, you two, how are things?” April beams a smile. Her eyes whip to Brielle who I catch mouthing not to ask about Declan. “The flower shop all good?” April’s tone is hesitant as she tries to figure out the dynamics.
I growl a sound. “It’s okay, Brielle, no need to worry about upsetting my little heart. That’s already been done by a man who, under that bachelor-hockey-player persona, is surprisingly romantic. But never fear, my beloved brother was right, and Declan Dash is bad news.” I string my words together, as that anger resurfaces inside of me. At least I made it to 3pm today.
“Yikes,” April simply answers.
“Eat ice cream, that’s what I do every time hockey players break my heart,” Hadley says, as if she has experience, and she’s only fourteen. “Ooh, they have maple pecan today.” She notices the board and heads to the counter.
“Maple pecan,” I echo, with my lips quivering.
“Oh crap, a trigger,” Brielle winces.
I blow out a breath, but tears pool in my eyes.
“How the hell is maple a trigger?” April questions Brielle.
“Because Declan’s family—” Brielle explains.
“Owns a maple syrup company, and he hates maple syrup, except when we…” I wail a sob and drop my head onto my arms on the table, which would be hysterical to most.
