God, is this what the past has done to us? We can’t let go of places?
I look along the horizon to the right and see the opening to the spot that is responsible for holding our hearts captive. The trees hang over the passage. Willow trees, to be exact; the tree that blows tears in the wind.
Ford slows the boat down as we approach, and I get up off my seat to take a few steps to Ford, standing by his side and holding his arm before we both duck under the weeping tree as we enter.
We found this place one day when we decided to venture off from our group who were partying on the shore nearby. It became our spot, our refuge.
And luckily, now I can witness that it hasn’t changed. It’s still quiet and beautiful. Calm lake water with a small little beach, perfect for two.
Ford turns the engine off and throws the rope to the sand. He hops over the edge, with the water to his knees. After he ties the rope to a tree trunk, he returns to the boat to offer me his hand.
“Come on.”
Our eyes connect, and everything feels slightly overpowering but in the best possible way.
When I’m about to hop into the water, Ford grabs me in a manner that enables him to carry me and ensure I stay dry.
“What service,” I joke.
“For you, I’d crawl on my knees.”
I laugh before my feet land on dry earth. We take a few moments to lay out a big blanket and set down the cooler. It isn’t long until we are both lying down on propped elbows as we stare at the view.
“Here we are,” I announce.
Ford interlaces our fingers on the blanket. “It’s good to be back.”
“It feels kind of coming full circle,” I admit.
Glancing to my side, I see that Ford is ignoring the beautiful nature around us, as his focus is on me.
“It was our own little world.”
I snort a laugh. “Oh, I know. Nobody ever came here, except that one time when a fisherman stopped, but then he saw us making out and left.”
“Yeah, I remember that,” he reflects with a grin of fondness.
“I’m confident this is where I got pregnant.”
Ford moves to his side, and his fingers begin to play with the tie on my wrap. “Maybe.”
“It was my fault.”
He wastes no time to set his fingers on my jaw to guide my gaze to him. “No, it’s not.”
“I missed a pill.”
“So? People take all their pills and still get pregnant. Besides, we have a great kid.”
“I love him, but it could have been easier for us,” I state.
Ford shakes his head. “We’ll never know, and it doesn’t matter. Here we are.”
My lips roll in, and I can’t think of how to articulate the array of emotions stirring inside of me. Something about this place, remembering younger me, the times we would lie here staring at the blue sky and talk about our dreams. We had crazy ideas that being together could be so easy. We’d get a place together, and I’d study law wherever Ford went. I wanted that because a textbook can be read anywhere, and Ford was the one and only.
Looking back, I see how he put me first. Letting go of my dreams wasn’t an option to him, which is why he didn’t fight our parents when we made the decision to keep Connor.
But damn, we were tormenting ourselves for years.
