The guilt wrapped around me so tight I could barely breathe. My skates cut lines in the ice as I pushed away, each stroke taking me further from her.
This whole situation was so cosmically messed up.
Because it wasn’t just me who wasn’t being honest. It was Cam, too. She wasn’t lying to me; she was lying to herself. Had been since the first night.
It didn’t feel like she was using me to make him jealous. It was worse than that.
It was as if she were using me to forget him. Like she was so desperate to move on, so determined to prove she was fine, that she was willing to settle for less than everything she deserved.
Even if she didn’t realize it.
She deserved someone who was head-over-heels obsessed with her…
And that wasn’t me.
I reached the guys and grabbed my stick.
“So,” Bennett said, not even trying to hide his smirk. “That looked fun.”
“Shut up,” I muttered.
Jake laughed. “Trouble in paradise, bro?”
“There is no paradise,” I said. “There’s just ice and bad decisions.”
“That’s deep, man.” Ty clapped me on the shoulder. “Really deep.”
I wanted to tell them they had no idea that I was drowning in three feet of water while everyone watched. That there was a chance I was going to ruin my best friend’s wedding, and possibly every friendship I had.
“Let’s skate.” Because that’s what you do when your whole life is on the verge of imploding. You keep moving.
I stared at my phone as Camryn’s text lit up the screen.
Camryn: Are you running late?
My thumb hovered over the keyboard, but I couldn’t bring myself to type. I sank deeper into my couch. She was already at Harry’s waiting for me and probably starting to realize that I was going to stand her up. The thought made my stomach twist.
My phone buzzed, and her name flashed across the screen. I sent it to voicemail.
“Fuck,” I muttered. I couldn’t go to dinner with her and sit across from her pretending everything was fine because it wasn’t. Nothing was fine.
My fingers moved across the screen before I could overthink it.
Owen: I’m so sorry, but I can’t make it. Practice ran late.
The lie tasted bitter even through text. Practice ended hours ago, and I came straight home, planning to shower and meet her. But I couldn’t. I just… Sat there. Avoiding her.
Camryn: I can wait for you. We still have plenty of time to eat.
Owen: Sorry, Cam. I’m exhausted. I’ll pick you up tomorrow, and we’ll ride together to the beach house.
Camryn: Okay. Good night.
My fingers hesitated over the keys. I should say good night back. I should call her. I should end this, tell her what I did, and then ruin everything this weekend, but instead I set the phone down on the table and leaned forward, elbows on my knees, head in my hands.
I regretted everything…
I regretted saying yes that night by the pool, knowing damn well that she wasn’t over Trystan and getting so drunk at Jax’s bachelor party that I ended up hurting Harlow.
