“No, we are. I mean, we were… close….” I let out a frustrated sigh, running my hands through my hair. “It’s complicated. I kind of messed up, but I’m trying to fix it.”
Sympathy shone in her expression. “That’s all you can do, right?”
“Right.” I nodded. I was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable, keeping her from her privacy, so I started for the door. But there was one last thing I wanted to offer before I left. “I… understand what you’re struggling with. I lost both my parents a few years ago.” Understanding and maybe a little appreciation reflected in the sad depths of her eyes. “I just… well, I know it’s awkward, seeing as we don’t know each other, but if you ever find yourself needing someone to talk to, I just wanted you to know I get it. And I’m available. All you have to do is ask Garrett how to get ahold of me.”
I turned to exit when she said my name. With a glance over my shoulder, I saw that her smile was a little less brittle, a little more genuine. “Thank you. Those guys… well, it’s tough for them to find good people to surround themselves with. It’s astounding, the number of fame whores and attention-seekers. They’ll go to great lengths to use people like them. Something tells me you’re one of the good ones.”
“I try to be,” I whispered, a wealth of emotion making it difficult to hold her gaze.
“Keep trying. You’re good for him. He needs that in his life.”
I gave a small, jerky nod and closed the door behind me, letting her words marinate as I stood in the empty hall. I wasn’t sure why hearing that from a complete stranger had such a profound impact, but it did. And I realized that, for the first time in days, I could actually breathe. I hadn’t felt whole since I packed my stuff and walked out of Garrett’s house, not until now. There hadn’t been a single time in the past twelve hours that I thought about not fitting into his world. It was like the last piece of a puzzle had fallen into place the moment I took his hand back at the funeral home.
I was such an idiot to not have realized it before. I didn’t need to fit into his world—I just needed to fithim.
“Hey. You okay?”
Garrett’s gravelly voice pulled me from my reverie. “I’m good,” I replied. “How are you holding up?” I studied his face as I waited for him to answer.
He looked at me and offered a small, sad smile. “I’m okay.” He closed the distance between us and his arms came around me, one hand on the small of my back, the other stroking the nape of my neck just under my new tattoo. “Just ready for today to be over. Never thought I’d be putting my brother in the ground. It doesn’t seem real.”
I leaned in to him, breathing in his heady, masculine scent. “I know what you mean. I can’t tell you how many times I looked up, expecting to see my parents walking through the front door after they were gone.” I tipped my face up so he could see me. “Each time was like being punched in the stomach, but it gets easier, Garrett. I promise.”
His hand at my neck came around and the pads of his fingers stroked my jaw. “Does it still hurt?”
I wasn’t going to lie to him. After my parents died, I’d discovered that the lies given to me to try and make me feel better only hurt worse in the long run, so I gave it to him straight. “It’s always going to hurt. Losing someone you love never stops hurting. But we learn to cope with the pain until one day it doesn’t consume us anymore. That’s when you’re able to look back and smile at all the good memories. You have that to look forward to. Once enough time has passed, you’ll be able to smile again.”
One corner of his mouth curled up in a smirk, giving me a tiny glimpse of a dimple. “Thanks for giving it to me straight.”
“It also helps to have someone to lean on during the hard times,” I told him on a whisper, watching as the jade green in his gaze grew darker as his eyes scanned across my face.
“You gonna be that someone for me?”
My chest clenched with hope. “For as long as you’ll let me.”
That dimple deepened and I lost my breath. “What if I said I’d let you forever?”
I tried to sound calm, but the words came out in a squeak. “I’d be okay with that.”
I felt his chest shake with a quiet chuckle and I wrapped my arms around his waist, giving him a tight hug as I pressed my cheek into his warm, solid muscles. “Maybe I’ll take you up on that,” he rumbled softly. “And maybe I’ll tell you about Will later when it doesn’t hurt so much.”
My eyes stung, but I made a valiant effort at keeping the tears at bay. “I’ll look forward to that.” We drifted into silence as we moved back into the living room, standing on the outskirts, content to just hold each other and watch the people around us.
“I know what you did,” I finally whispered several minutes later. I’d been trying to find the time to bring it up, to thank himfor what he did for me. “With Kimber and Chris. Declan told me. I… thank you. I don’t deserve that kind of loyalty, not after what I did.”
“That’s the problem, Gwen. You never believed me when I said you were everything.”
We lapsed into silence once more, his words banging around in my head like a drum. That yearning I felt for him grew stronger even though he held me in his arms. It wasn’t enough. Nothing would be enough until I made things right, until I had his forgiveness.
Until I hadhim.
An ache filled my chest as I caught sight of Lyla moving around. She’d put on a brave face, smiling and welcoming everyone graciously, but I recognized a woman close to her breaking point. Her hands were shaking, her lips trembling. The only thing holding off the impending breakdown was the fact that she had a houseful of people she could play hostess to. I was well aware of how the process worked.
I was still staring, remembering what it felt like to be in her shoes, when I noticed her head come up, her attention shifting across the room. Following her gaze, I found she was watching Mace where he stood with Declan, Killian, and a few other people I didn’t know. When I focused on her once again, I saw the sorrow on her face morph into longing.
Oh wow. That’s definitely interesting.
A deep, gruff rumble from Garrett’s chest pulled my attention away from Lyla. “Fuck,” he grunted. “This isn’t good.”
