And that was the underlying issue. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust Garrett. I didn’t trust fate. I’d already lost one family. I wasn’t sure I could survive losing another, so I kept myself at arm’s length at all times. I couldn’t bring myself to allow him to fill that hole inside me the rest of the way.
The sad thing was I knew he could do it. If I just let him, Garrett could fill the remainder of that dark, bleak hole of sadness and loss. Only he and Liddy could make me full again, but I was too much of a coward.
And he knew it.
He shook his head in disappointment at my prolonged silence and moved back into the bedroom. Seconds later, the lights inside flicked on, giving me the perfect view of Garrett as he moved into the closet and retrieved a large black duffel bag.
“Where are you going?” I asked. My stomach twisted into anxious knots as he began yanking drawers open, stuffing T-shirts and jeans into his bag. I suddenly felt sick at the thought of him leaving.
“New York,” he bit out, refusing to look at me as he continued to pack.
I knew about that trip. The band was performing on a popular late-night talk show and had several other TV and radio interviews lined up while they were there.
“But… I thought you guys weren’t supposed to leave until tomorrow night.”
He stopped just long enough to pin me to the spot with his gaze. His beautiful green eyes flashed with turmoil as he took me in with a sweeping look from head to toe. “I’m gonna go aday early. Clearly you need some time to yourself to get your shit together, so I’m gonna give it to you.”
“Garrett—” I took a step closer, but he held his hand up to stop me.
I waited with bated breath, frozen to the spot on the floor as he quickly dressed. I needed him to say something,anythingto let me know I hadn’t screwed us up completely.
“Ian’s staying behind with you and Liddy, so if you need anything just give him a call. I’ll be back late Friday night.” That certainly wasn’t what I wanted to hear. He picked his bag up off the bed and slung it over his shoulder. “I’m willing to fight for you, Gwen. I think I’ve made that pretty fuckin’ clear. But I can’t be the only one fighting. You’re it for me. You need to take this week to figure out if I’m it for you, because I can’t keep trying to hold on to something that doesn’t want to be held. It’s up to you to decide if I should finally let go.”
It felt like a lifetime passed before I was able to get my legs to cooperate and move. But it was too late. By the time I made it to the threshold, I could already hear the front door clicking closed from downstairs.
TWENTY-SIX
Garrett had been gonefor two days, and I’d been spending all that time trying my hardest to pretend everything was just fine. Maybe if I told myself that things would return to normal when he got home, I’d actually start believing it. I ignored the insecurities that had taken root in the pit of my stomach and threw myself into work at Bernie’s, ran around with Liddy each night until she passed out, and attempted to work on my book, even though the words wouldn’t come easily. All of it was an attempt to tune out the real world.
“Uh, excuse me.”
I looked up from the register and smiled at the two young women standing across the counter from me. “Hi. What can I get you?”
“That’s totally her,” the brunette whispered to her blonde friend, elbowing her in the side. “I told you so.”
The blonde wrinkled her nose like she’d just gotten a whiff of something disgusting. “No way.”
“Totally,” the brunette continued, the two of them conversing like I wasn’t even there. “I saw her when I came in here a while back. That’s her.”
The blonde let out a snort as she rolled her eyes. “Garrett Wilder so wouldn’t go there. She’s, like,old. And not hot.”
“Excuse me?” My back shot straight at that statement for many reasons, her insult on my looks being the least of them.
“Are you the chick who went to the AMAs with Garrett Wilder?” the brunette asked eagerly.
“How did… where… I’m sorry, do I know you?” Dread prickled at my skin as I stumbled over my words.
“See?” The blonde sneered. “It’s not her. Why would he bang her when he can get someone young and hot?” That was the second time the bitch referred to me as old and ugly. I wasn’t supermodel-worthy, but I thought I was cute enough, and I was only four of five years older than the co-ed Barbies at the register.
“I’m sorry,” I said to the blonde. “Is there a problem here?”
“Yeah.” She popped the gum in her mouth and twirled a strand of her overprocessed hair around her finger. “The problem’s that you’re an old, dried-up cow who thought she could trap the hottest drummer on the planet by getting knocked up.”
“OMG!” the brunette exclaimed giddily. “How is he in bed? I bet he’s, like, a total sex god. Am I right? I’ve been trying to get into one of Civil Corruption’s parties for, like,ever. I’d totally do what you did if I got the chance. What’s more awesome than getting preggo by someone rich and famous, right?”
The floor dropped from beneath me. I had to grab hold of the countertop to stay upright when my knees buckled.
“Gwen, are you okay?” Gina’s voice sounded like it was coming from inside a tunnel as she rushed over to my side. I was so far from okay it wasn’t even funny. What the fuck was happening? How did they know about Liddy? My mind was spinning so fast, trying to come up with answers, that I barely registered Gina telling the two bimbosoff.
