“They were,” I whispered, a ball of emotion forming in my throat. It had been so long since I spoke openly about my parents, it was like ripping a scab off a wound. “There are still times now when I feel guilty for how badly I wanted to get out of that town when I was younger. Corrine and I were so eager to move away and start somewhere bigger. I never took what I’d be leaving behind into consideration. When I graduated, I packed up and moved to Seattle without ever wanting to look back. I figured visiting on holidays and summer breaks would be enough.” I let out a pained laugh when I thought back on that young, selfish girl.
“I know I told you about my folks dying, but what I didn’t tell you was that my father died before I ever finished college. I moved back to help my mom with the farm, but then she got sick. Cancer. It ate away at her until she finally just let go.When I met you, I’d only just moved back in with Corrine. I had no choice. Mom had died only a few months before, and shortly after, the bank seized the farm. We barely had enough to cover bills, and with Mom’s medical expenses it all got to be too much. I couldn’t stay afloat. I hadnothing.”
“Shit, baby. I’m so sorry.” Garrett leaned over and lifted me from the chair, pulling me into his lap so I was straddling his thighs. I hadn’t realized I was crying until he reached up and brushed a tear away with his thumb.
“I lost everything and everyone I ever loved, Garrett. I was at rock bottom. When I came back, I wasn’t sure I’d ever fill that hole I had inside of me. But then I met you, and you were so… alive. I don’t know if you remember anything from that night. You’d had a lot to drink—”
“Fuck,” he hissed, his face ravaged with guilt.
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s not like I didn’t know.”
“Still, that’s not a fuckin’ excuse. I’m so goddamn sorry.”
“Don’t be. We’re trying to move past that, right? I just want you to have enough insight to understand.” He gave a short, jerky nod but didn’t look any less remorseful. “Dinner was my attempt at building a family for myself, as unconventional as we are. I haven’t had a real family in so long that I got a little carried away trying to mold us into something. That’s why it hurt so much when I sat at that table all night waiting for you to show.”
He opened his mouth to speak, but I needed to finish. I had to get this out. This conversation was one I hadn’t realized I needed; it was as if I was exorcising my demons.
“I’ll get over it. I’ll make you work to make it up to me, but I’ll forgive you. Because I have to. Holding on to so much anger just isn’t healthy. What I need you to get is this: you didn’t fill that hole, but you went a long way in making me feel better. I might not have a lot of happy memories from that night or the following morning, but you did give me something precious.You gave me Liddy, and having her has worked wonders in filling that hole, Garrett. I had someone to love again who loved me back. No matter how much I wanted to hate you, I couldn’t… not completely. You gave me her. I don’t have a single regret, because she was the outcome.”
His eyes shone in the dim moonlight as he looked at me, running his fingers through my hair. “You’re killing me, baby. You know that? Fuckin’ gutted you had to go through all of that. I hate myself for causing more pain.”
“So what about you?” I asked, intentionally changing the subject.
“What about me?”
“Give and take, right?” I asked with a smile, giving him a playful pinch. “I tell, you tell.”
He laughed, his hands moving to circle my waist. “What do you want to know?”
I paused to give that some thought, then asked the question I’d spent nearly four years trying to avoid the answer to. “How’d Civil Corruption get started?”
He gave me a wonky, lopsided grin that was no less hot than the panty-dropping, dimpled one he wore on magazine covers. “What? We have a kid together but you never bothered to google me?”
“It takes a lot of effort to hate someone,” I teased. “I couldn’t very well keep that up while cyberstalking you, now could I?”
He rested his palms at the base of my spine, so close to my bare butt I got chills. “Fair enough. Well, it’s nothing interesting. Had a shit home life, a dad who did nothing but yell, and a mom who checked out. I didn’t like being there, so I spent most of my time with Kill, Deck, and another friend of ours, guy named Will. We’d lived in the same neighborhood in San Fran our whole lives, so they were like brothers to me. The one thingwe all had in common was a love of music, so it’s no surprise we started a shitty little garage band together.”
“So you’ve always played the drums?”
He shook his head. “Back then I mainly played guitar and dabbled with the bass. Fucked around on drums when I wanted to pound on something.”
“Ah.” I grinned. “So you’re a multitalented musician.”
He pulled me close enough to give my chin a tiny nip with his teeth. “I’m multitalented in all aspects of life.”
I smacked his shoulder and pushed him back to meet his eyes once more. “Keep going.”
“Will was a badass when it came to anything with an engine, rebuilt a car all on his own when he was just sixteen. But he was a shit musician, and he knew it too. Mace started at our school our sophomore year. Will met him first and discovered the guy could seriously shred. I might have been good on the guitar, but it was nothing compared to what he could do. Will stepped back, making room for Mace, and I found my home behind a kit.”
I gave in to my urge and brushed his hair back from his forehead, reveling in the feel of the silky strands. “Do you ever miss it?”
“Nah. He’s a better guitarist and I’m a better drummer. That was right around the time we got serious about the band. All we wanted was to make it big, so switching things up never bothered me. It was for the greater good.”
“And Will? Where is he now?”
“Still in San Francisco. Loves it there. Got his own body shop and everything. We tried to get him to move to Seattle with us when we finally caught our big break, but he wasn’t having any of it. All his family is still there and they’re tight. He wouldn’t think of leaving them, but we get together as often as possible.”
“That’s good. I’m glad you’ve got such close relationships. People need those kinds of connections.”
