I set my daughter up in the family room with a snack and the movieUp, then headed upstairs to shower and get ready for my date.
My hands shook with jittery nerves as I dusted blush along my cheekbones. I hadn’t been on a date in so long it was ridiculous. I felt like a goddamned virgin all over again. Hell, it had been so long since I had sex I probablywasa virgin all over again.
I’d hoped to feel a flutter of excitement as I blew my hair out and started on my makeup, but there was nothing but anxiety clawing at my insides. I’d just finished my mascara when a knock on my bedroom door pulled my attention from my reflectionin the mirror.
“Gwen. Open up.”
“Damn it,” I whispered to myself, sticking the mascara wand back into the tube. I’d been hoping to avoid a conversation before I left, but it looked like my luck had run out. I couldn’t shake the persistent feeling that I was doing something wrong, attempting to hurt Garrett for hurting me. My mother always said two wrongs didn’t make a right, but there I was, being childish. I justified it by telling myself I was going out with Steve because that was what I wanted. But if that were truly the case, why did I feel so guilty?
I looked myself over, brushing my damp palms down the little black dress I’d gotten at the mall with Corrine, and opened my bedroom door. “Hey. What’s up?” I tried for calm casualness but felt like I fell short of the mark.
He crossed his arms, stretching the sleeves of his tee to the max. “What’s up is that Sylvie just asked me if I was going to be home or if she needed to stay to watch my daughter since you’ve got plans.”
I walked back to my dresser and slid a pair of large silver hoops into my ears, then put their matching bangles on my wrist, anything to keep from having to look at him. “That’s right.” And the guilt just kept piling on.
“Where are you going?” His voice was sharp and agitated.
“I’m meeting Steve for dinner,” I replied, still refusing to look at him.
“You mean like a goddamndate? What the hell, Gwen,” he barked. “You said you’d think about—”
“You’re right,” I cut in, finally spinning on my strappy silver heels to face him. “I said I’d think about it. Then a million pictures of you swallowing a girl’s face at that party last night hit the Internet and I made my decision.”
He came unglued from his place and stepped into mybedroom. “What are you talking about? What pictures?” I snatched my phone off the dresser and scrolled to the site before handing it over. “Jesus fuckin’ Christ,” he spat as he flipped through the photos. “I don’t even remember this shit.”
“Not making things better,” I harrumphed and took the phone back, shutting it down and stuffing it into the matching clutch I’d bought earlier to go with my new dress. Clasping my bag in front of me, I pulled in a fortifying breath and held his gaze steadily. “Look, you don’t need to make anything up to me because there’s nothing to make up. We aren’t anything to each other, Garrett. We aren’t in a relationship, never have been, and we certainly aren’t friends. Friends aren’t constantly at each other’s throats the way we are. What we have between us is seriously unhealthy—”
“That’s bullshit!” he interrupted. “We don’t even know each other well enough for you to say that.”
“That’s exactly my point!” I shouted, a sarcastic laugh bubbling from my throat. “We have a kid together and we’re practically strangers! I know nothing about you, and you certainly don’t know a damn thing about me.”
He rushed me, moving so fast I had to take a startled step backward. “That’s what I’m trying to do! I’m trying to get to know you, Gwen. Christ! Why can’t you see that?”
I closed my eyes and gave my head a shake. “Garrett,” I said imploringly, focusing all my attention on him. “The only thing I need from you is to make an effort with Liddy. She’s the only one who matters. I see you doing that, and I respect you for it, but that’s all it is. If we can manage to get along and have a mutual respect for each other as her parents, then we’ll be fine. Trying for anything more is asking for trouble.”
I started for the door when his voice rang out, stopping me in place. “I never took you for a coward, Gwen.”
I turned to look at him over my shoulder, smiling up at him pityingly. “Like you said, you don’t know me. This isn’t me being a coward. This is me looking out for myself.”
I exited the room on that parting shot. I didn’t have time to stick around and trade poisonous barbs—I had a date to get to.
The restaurantI met Steve at was much fancier than I was used to, and I couldn’t help but feel out of my element. It was the type of place that was so expensive they didn’t even list the prices on the menu. You had to wait to get the check before having an aneurysm at how much you just spent.
I fiddled awkwardly with the edge of the white linin tablecloth, uncomfortable and out of sorts. It wasn’t until I joined Steve at the table that I remembered I’d never been really good at dating in the first place.
“You look beautiful tonight,” Steve said, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had encompassed us for the past ten minutes.
“Thanks.” I smiled awkwardly, my skin tight with unease. I picked up my wineglass and took a huge gulp. “You too. Wait… not beautiful. Men aren’t beautiful… well, I mean, I guess they can be. Gah! What I’m trying to say is you look nice as well.” Heat crept up my cheeks as I stumbled over my words.
To his credit, Steve smiled politely, only looking slightly weirded out by my strange behavior.
After another hearty gulp of wine, I set the glass down and apologized. “I’m sorry. I’m making a mess out of this. I haven’t dated in a really long time and… I guess I’m just nervous.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” He reached across the table and laid a soothing hand on mine. I was disheartened not to feel a singleflicker of the sizzle I felt every time Garrett touched me. Steve was a good-looking guy. And better yet, he wasn’t bad for me. I should’ve felt something more for him. It wasn’t fair to compare the two of them, but I just couldn’t help it. Steve was like a younger Don Draper. Garrett was totally…not. “What do you say we just forget the awkward beginning? First dates are stressful enough anyway.”
My shoulders sagged in relief and my grin was much easier that time. “I’d like that.”
“So, tell me a bit about yourself. Have you lived in Seattle all your life?”
