If she was busy, I didn’t bother her –
But she usually wasn’t busy, so I would make conversation.
I would only stay five minutes max – but during that time, I was as cheerful as could be.
I didn’t cross any lines. I didn’t make any sexual comments. If I complimented her, it was about her earrings or something she was wearing – like,That color looks good on you.
The first couple of days, she was cold and unreceptive. She barely said anything back to me butYesorNo.
But around Day Four, she began to thaw. She tried to hide it, but she would smile occasionally.
I switched from intentionally bad pickup lines to intentionally bad dad jokes.
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
He couldn’t see that well.
What happened to the man who lost his left side in an explosion?
He was ALL right.
She would groan most of the time, but at least she smiled and didn’t glare at me in contempt.
Progress!
I started leaving her little gifts, hiding them under the five-euro notes I left as a tip. Little charms or tchotchkes I saw as I strolled the streets of Florence.
I found a street vendor who created the most beautiful pieces of origami, no more than two inches high. I bought several from him. A swan made of silver… a rose folded from red paper… a little bear’s face made of bronze-colored foil.
Some of my gifts were jokes, though – including a tiny troll doll with golden hair standing straight up from its head.
Emilia asked with one arched eyebrow,“Whywould you get me this?”
“The hair reminded me of yours.”
She smirked. “Not because it’s naked, and that’s how you want me?”
I burst out laughing, surprised that she’d gone there. “I swear to God thatnevercrossed my mind.”
“Uh-huh,” she said, not believing me.
But her comments set the stage for the next joke.
The following day, I handed her a two-inch-tall figurine of Michelangelo’s David on a keychain. I’d bought it at a tourist kiosk outside theGalleria dell’Accademia,where the real statue is housed.
“And what’sthisfor?” she asked archly.
“In case you ever go back to Milan, it’s something to remember me by.”
“What, because he’s naked?”
As I backed out of the café, I called out,“Yousaid it, not me.”
“I hope your penis isn’t this small,” she said, holding up the keychain.
“HEY!” I said in faux outrage, then laughed as I exited the shop.
Now I had her thinking about my cock.
