“Yes, you did. So, did it hurt?”
“Did what hurt?”
“When you fell from heaven.”
She gave me a dead-eyed stare that said,That was TERRIBLE.
“No? Alright, how about this: on a scale of one to ten, you’re a nine – and I’m the one you need.”
“Oh god,” she said, making a face like I’d farted.
“How about this: here I am!” I said, making a flourish with my arms. “What are your other two wishes?”
“Number two: go away. Number three: never come back.”
“Oooooh!” I said, wincing.“Iwalked into THAT one.”
“Yes, you did.”
“So – ”
“Did you not hear wish number two and three?” she interrupted. “Go away, and never come back?”
I gave her a confused smile and shook my head. “I don’t understand. What have I done to you?”
“What, besides spouting bad pickup lines?” She ticked off her fingers one by one. “Let’s see – there’s bothering me, wasting my time, annoying me – ”
“I’ve done nothing but be friendly and a little flirtatious, yet you act like I’m some terrible person,” I said, though I kept my voice kind and curious. “Seriously, what did I do?”
“I made it clear from the very first time you opened your mouth that I’m notinterested – and yet,here you are again.”
“I noticed you didn’t mention the boyfriend this time,” I said with what I hoped was a charming smile. “I’m assuming he doesn’t exist, so why make him up?”
“Because assholes like you won’t take ‘no’ from a woman,” she snapped. “Only from a man, even if he’s imaginary.”
I was surprised at the anger in her voice –
But I was evenmoresurprised by what happened next.
As soon as she said it, her eyes widened and her face filled with fear, like she was terrified of my reaction.
“Hey – hey,” I said softly, lifting my hands to calm her. “Whatever I did, I didn’t mean to. I’m just trying to understand because I like you. I think you’re beautiful – and I think you’re very funny, too.” I paused, then added, “Despite you ripping me a new asshole every time I come to see you.”
The fear left her face, and she had to suppress a smile.
Progress!
At least she wasn’t terrified of me anymore.
“So… what is it?” I asked gently. “What did I do?”
She stared at me for a long time…
Then took a deep breath as though steeling herself.
When she finally spoke, her voice was accusatory: “What do you do for a living?”
…ah.
