“I’m still mad at you,” I grumbled quietly.
He smirked at me a little. “Good, be mad. If you’re mad, it means you’re still alive.”
I scoffed and shook my head. “You’re insufferable.”
“Sometimes.” He shrugged. “How are you doing, Ruby?”
At least he wasn’t looking at me with eyes full of pity. Just interest and concern swarmed those pools of chocolate.
“I’m ready to get out of here.”
“I don’t blame you. If the food is anything like the hospital’s food, then dying of starvation seems to be the way to go.” His light chuckle rumbled through his chest at his own joke, “Hopefully, they’ll release you soon, but what are you going to do when they do?”
“What do you mean?”
“You got lucky last time, Ruby, because I got there in time. When you get out, how are you going to move past your grief?”
“That’s not your problem,Cap,” I quipped, emphasizing his road name.
“No, but that doesn’t mean I’m any less concerned about your wellbeing.”
I took a deep breath and looked at the people around the room. A few other patients had visitors, but some were sitting on their own, looking forlorn and off in another world entirely. Iwould have been sitting by myself if it weren’t for the man across from me showing up without my permission. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to forgive him yet.
“You should give up on me. I’m damaged and broken,” I finally muttered, meeting his gaze again.
“Everybody is damaged in some way, Ruby. Your pain doesn’t define you unless you let it.”
“You’re an eternal optimist, aren’t you?”
He threw me a sexy grin. “Guilty. Drives some of my brothers crazy.”
“They aren’t the only ones.” I shook my head. “What do you know about pain?”
The look that flashed in his eyes was undeniable, and I almost regretted asking as soon as I saw the look on his face.Almost.
“That friend I told you about… well, I served with him overseas. He came back messed up after watching his transport get blown apart and all of his friends along with it. Somehow, he survived, but it wasn’t without guilt.” He looked away and lifted a hand to scratch the black beard covering his handsome face. “Survivor’s guilt is a hard thing to move past, Ruby. Add losing his wife, house, and everything that kept him grounded, and that guilt intensifies. I knew he was hurting, but I was too busy to see the warning signs.”
I watched as pain etched across his face and horrible memories took over. My heart squeezed in my chest and for some reason I hurt for this man I barely knew. “You said you found him—” I didn't even want to speak the words.
“Yeah... I found him in his apartment after a few days of him not answering his phone.”
Guilt. I knew what that felt like. It’s all I felt after surviving a car wreck Chase didn’t. It was suffocating, like trying to breathe through water. Add that to the pain of watching the love of mylife die right beside me, and life just became too overwhelming. It’s why I tried to end it all in the first place. “I’m sorry about your friend.” I meant it. I was sorry that he had to walk into his friend’s house and be confronted with that scene. I couldn't even imagine the pain and anguish he must’ve felt seeing his friend’s body lying there, or that haunting image of someone’s final cry for help coming to a bitter and painful end. A fresh wave of guilt hit me. God, Cap almost found me in a similar situation.
My eyes migrated to the open window. Beyond it was a vast blue sky with scattered bits of white fluffy clouds. Through those clouds peeked out heavenly bits of sun, almost like Chase was holding a spotlight from heaven just so I could find him.
“Me too.” I could hear the grief in his voice, and it made me want to comfort him. He sat there stoically, but behind that wall of strength was a valley of pain he was sinking in. He sighed. “I’ll never forget that night. It was the night that I made a promise to myself that I’d never let another person suffer in silence, and that I would always be there to help people and really listen to them when they were in pain. That’s why I started my organization.”
“You took your pain and turned it into something positive.”
He half laughed. “Yeah, I guess I did. That’s the eternal optimist in me.”
“I didn’t think badass bikers could be eternal optimists?”
He shrugged. “I guess most aren’t, but I’ve seen a lot of shit in my life. I survived a lot of shit in the last seven months, and it was the wake-up call I needed to remind me to live life to its fullest, and touch as many lives as I can in the process.”
“And now I’m one of those lives?”
“Right now, you’re the one that matters most.”
