“Seems that way. Their momma and siblings were on the cliff below… deceased.”
“Sounds like they need a new momma.”
The little black kitten meowed at me, almost like it was calling me momma. I stared out at the ocean, watching as the last bits of light got snuffed out by the horizon. It was glorious to watch the fading pinks and yellows get replaced by a sea of twinkling stars. Their glittering bodies reflecting off the now peaceful waters below.
“Mrs. Tyler?”
Glancing over at him, I frowned. “Yes?”
“If I leave you here, will you be okay?”
There was a single star in the night sky that shined brighter than the others, and a part of me knew that star was Chase, telling me to keep going. Then it was like I could feel Nicholas’ arms around me, holding me tight, begging me to come back to Rising Star—to him. I could picture it in my head now… a future that didn’t start and end with Chase.
“Yes, I think I will be.” I shot a look at the two little kittens and smiled. “I have a purpose now.”
Officer Warren patted my hand as he climbed back to his feet.
“Aren’t you going to arrest me for spreading ashes?”
He smiled and shook his head. “All I see is an urn, Mrs. Tyler. You’re free to carry an urn.”
I noticed his body camera was off and grinned. “Thank you.”
“If this is what you need to let go of your pain, Mrs. Tyler. Consider me blind.” Then with that, the handsome officer climbed back into his squad car and drove away, leaving me with two kittens and what was left of Chase.
The wind whipped around me as I stood on the edge of the cliff, my hand dipping into the jar of ashes as I took another handful out and scattered it in the wind.
“This is me letting you go, Chase. I want you to keep riding the winding road, following the currents of the wind like the curves and turns of the Pacific Coast Highway.”
Taking more of his ashes, I scattered them on the ground. “This is me leaving you behind, allowing you to blend in with the dirt, creating new roots that won’t be tethered to me.”
There was more ash inside, but I decided to keep that for myself.
“I’m going to keep the rest of you and have it put in a pendant. You’ll always be a part of me Chase, because I will love you now, forever, always, and every space in between. That love will never die, much like my memories of you. But I need to keep going. I’ve fallen for Cap, and even though it breaks my heart to think about going on in this life without you, I know it’s what you would’ve wanted. I have a purpose now, and these little guys need me.” I motioned to the two kittens who were staring at me with wide eyes, their little paws and heads peeking over the side of the box.
“One day we will meet again, Chase, but until then, keep on riding that big winding road in the sky. I’ll join you when it’s my time to do so. But I realize now that the time isn’t now, and frankly, the future I see for myself is a future that you never saw for us. I want kids. I want pets. I need that for myself, and maybe I’m selfish for feeling that way, but I’m at a time in my life where selfishness is necessary for survival. I can’t stay broken, Chase, it’s not healthy. Thank you for taking this journey with me, andfor helping me find a purpose when I was lost in a deep pit of despair. Like a ray of sun, or a twinkling star in a dark night sky, you’ve always been my light—brightening my way as I trudge through this sea of darkness. I’ll never forget you or the time we spent together. You’ll always be a part of me, I’ll make sure of that. But for now, I need to let you go…” I took one last handful of ashes and blew them into the wind. “Goodbye, Chase. Until we meet at the crossroads of Heaven, I hand you over to God, knowing it was because of him that I’m still here. I love you… now… forever… always… and every space in between.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
It had been a long miserable month of nothing but loose ends and false hope. Juliette and her officers had done their best to find Ruby, but nobody knew where the fuck she went, or if she was still even alive.
I was driving myself crazy with worry, thinking that every call I got was going to be Juliette saying they had found her dead.
My heart was still clinging to the hope that she was still alive out there somewhere, but even that hope was slowly dying, the only thing helping was alcohol to numb the pain. Now I knew why Leo enjoyed it so much. But unlike him, I wasn’t out to drink myself into a stupor, just enough to flush away my guilt and cope the best I could.
The one thing that was keeping me together was the random phone call I got from Darrius, and his excitement when he told me that he had set up his own non-profit, working hand in hand with after-school and foster programs to teach kids how to fish. A big brother program with him and a few other men he had met at a local grief council group.
I was so damn proud of him. His call couldn’t have come at a better time. I was on the cusp of checking myself into a psych ward with how much guilt I was holding on to. The second I get the call telling me she’s dead; would be the moment I’d have my own fucking melt down.
“How you holding up, Brother?” Bull asked, taking a seat next to me at one of the tables. He noticed the beer in my hand and quirked an eyebrow. It wasn’t like me to drink, let alone get drunk like I was surfing right now.
“Like I’m made out of popsicle sticks and duct tape. Barely together, Brother.”
Bull laughed. “Me too. It was hard seeing Misery again after all these years.”
“I bet. You seemed to take to that little girl at the concert, though. She liked you a lot.”
He shook his head. “Yeah, and I don’t know why. I’m not a kid person, but that little girl definitely tugged on all my heart strings.” He cleared his throat. “Do you think Ruby…” He didn’t finish his sentence. He didn’t need to.
