No, it was almost worse. It was my heart proving to me that the mild attraction I’d felt for this woman at the beginning was blooming into something deeper. Something neither of us wereprepared for. Pulling Ruby out of her depression was supposed to be my only job, but somewhere along the way, I had fallen for her, and that was dangerous water to tread. It had only been a few weeks, but I was invested, more than I’d ever been invested in anyone in my life.
“I’m sorry,” she whimpered, barely able to get out the words. “I was doing so well, and now I’m just a mess again. You probably hate me.” She weakly looked up into my eyes, searching for the hatred, I think she was afraid of that would flash in my pupils. But all she found was concern, and the yearning I felt for her. A yearning that was getting harder and harder to ignore. I could never hate her. Never.
“Don’t be sorry. It happens. More often than you think.” My gaze lingered on her lips a fraction longer than it should have, and I had to focus on something else, choosing the photograph near her head. Chase was nothing but smiles in the harmless picture, holding her close as they took a selfie on a ski lift. They both looked so happy, like the world was their oyster. She followed my gaze and frowned.
“That was on our honeymoon,” she whispered. “Chase took me to Colorado to ski for the first time. I’m afraid of heights, but Chase was determined to catch the moment on camera. Behind that smile is legit fear.”
My head moved back to look at her, and my heart sank when I saw the pain radiating in those big blue orbs–pain I wasn’t sure I could touch anymore.
For every two steps forward, we were taking thirty steps back.
“You can’t keep doing this to yourself, Ruby. I know letting go is hard, but if you don’t, you’ll never get out of this.”
She looked at her feet. “I know.”
“Part of the healing process is letting go of the pain. The only way you can do that is by letting go of Chase.”
“I don’t know if I can do that, Cap. I don’t know if I’m strong enough.”
I gently gripped her face, staring into her eyes as a single tear dripped down the hill of her cheek. Instinctively, my finger brushed it away. Knowing that the intimate touch was wrong in so many ways, it surprised the fuck out of me when she leaned into my embrace, receiving the simple gesture with a smile.
“You’re stronger than you know, Ruby. We just have to show you how to do it.”
“How?”
“The first step is letting go, and I have a plan to make that happen, but you’re going to have to trust me.”
She gently pulled away, forcing me to drop my hands to my sides. “I trust you, Cap. More than I should. More than I thought I ever would.”
Hearing those words made my whole body warm, basking in the realization that in this short amount of time, I had made a breakthrough with her. Even if it was small.
Before I could say another word, she stood, moving toward the bedroom in one fluid motion. “I’m going to go to bed,” she said weakly. “Today took a lot out of me.”
“I understand. I’m here if you need me, okay?”
She smiled, but didn’t say anything else as the door closed behind her.
Sleep evaded me.
All I could think about was Ruby and the panic attack she had during the fireworks. Why was I stupid enough to believethat keeping her there was a good idea? The smile… that’s why. For the first time since I found her lifeless on the floor, Ruby had a genuine smile on her face, and I didn’t want to see it fade. I wanted to hold on to it forever. It was much like the smile she had in the ski lift picture. But the smile she had tonight was meant for me… not him… not for the man she couldn’t let go of.
God, why was I jealous of a ghost?
Why did I wish he never existed?
Pain took over my chest as it tightened, and I slowed my breathing down, dropping my stress back to normal levels.
The darkness of the room swirled around me, and then I heard the whimpering behind her closed door, the scream coming not long after.
“CHASE!” she yelled.
Without hesitation, I sprang up from the couch, rushing into her room like I was lined in shining silver armor and was going to slay whatever dragon threatened her.
I wasn’t Chase, but I was determined to be what she needed in that moment.
I found her writhing on the bed, moaning out his name over and over. I fell to my knees, gently shaking her awake. “Ruby, wake up. Wake up! You’re having a nightmare.”
She bolted upright, staring at me with widened eyes. It was like she didn’t see me at all, then I felt her arms curl around my shoulders, pulling me close. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “Why is this so hard?” She started to hyperventilate, her eyes dilating as I started to lose her again.
