“Yeah.”A little too late, I added silently.
“Okay, so let’s get some things worked out,” Cap said, changing the subject abruptly when he saw the sadness creeping back in. “Where do you want me to sleep? I can crash on the couch, I’m not sure whether you have a spare bed in the other room.”
I thought about his big frame trying to sleep on the narrow couch and found it funny. No way would a guy that big be able to fit on this sofa. It would be hilarious to watch, but it wouldn’t happen. “There’s a spare bed you can have in the other room.”
“Alright.” I watched as he sat back and laced his fingers over his abdomen, his eyes studying me. “You already know rule one. No life-changing decisions while you’re grieving.”
“Yeah. What’s rule two?”
“Do something to get out of your head each day. Go for a walk, a swim, a ride, or even just to the grocery store. You need to be around people. Isolating yourself is only going to strengthen the loneliness and depression you feel.”
“And rule three?”
“Let’s concentrate on the first two right now. We’ll add more in later. Why don’t you go take a shower? I’ll make it easy on us tonight and just order pizza. We will use tomorrow’s outing for going to the grocery store.”
My stomach grumbled at the thought of pizza. It had been a while since I ate a full meal, let alone pizza. But a shower did sound good, so I agreed, making my way towards the bathroom.
Like it or not. For better or for worse. Cap was temporarily in my life and in my home. I didn’t know what to do or think about that.
Closing the door, I moved toward the bathroom mirror, studying my reflection that looked so hollow and lost. The only light I would ever find is the one that led me back to my husband. Cap could try all he wanted to fix my grief, but I was swimming in it, and I had no problem treading that dangerous water until it slowly drowned me. Chase’s bottle of cologne was sitting in front of me, and like always, I picked it up and spritzed some of the fragrance into the air, breathing in the ghostly scent of my husband. “Chase,” I whispered once I felt his presence again. This is when I felt the closest to him, invigorating memories that made it feel like he was standing right next to me and holding me in those comforting arms I desperately missed. Stripping off my clothes, I stepped into the hot water and let thetears fall, biting my lip to keep from crying out loud. “I miss you so much.”
I heard the doorbell peal through the house, but I didn’t move from under the tepid spray. I felt mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted. My body and energy were spent as I leaned against the shower wall. It was the hardest and the most I had cried since losing him, and somehow after all the tears subsided, I felt a small glimmer of relief when I saw what was sitting on a shelf next to my head.
Chapter Seven
The delivery guy smiled at me when I handed him his ten-dollar tip. It wasn’t much, but probably would be one of the biggest tips he’d get today. I took the two pizzas into the living room and set them on the coffee table, waiting for Ruby to come out of the bathroom.
For a few minutes, I just sat on her couch, staring around at the different pictures on the wall. I’d seen her husband around town, but I wasn’t about to tell her that. Bringing him up would just send her back into a tizzy, and she wasn’t emotionally ready for that.
I moved off the couch and over to their wedding photo, picking it up from off the fireplace mantle. She looked so beautiful in her off-white dress. Her long auburn locks were curled and falling down her back, while a section was pinned back by bobby pins, and little sprigs of baby’s breath stuck out of the loose braid that went around her head. She looked so happy in this picture, like there wasn’t anything in the world that could ever make her frown. Her wedding dress was a long off-white gown that hung to the floor, with a tight black and white strapless, lace bodice that tied in the back with a big black bow. The strapless gown showed off her tattoos so flawlessly, every inch of those intricate Japanese inspired masterpieces was onfull display, and my dick hardened ever so slightly as I admired them. Man, this woman was the epitome of perfection.
My eyes drifted to the lucky bastard next to her. Chase had somehow managed to snag the perfect girl, and just by this picture, you could tell they were meant to be together. The man had nothing but adoration in his eyes as he took in his wife and wore a smile that spoke volumes for all the love he had in his heart for her. His hair was a shoulder length sandy blonde, but it was neatly pulled back into a man bun, that sat on the top of his head. He was wearing a black suit, but underneath was one of those tuxedo shirts, the cheap ones you get as a gag gift. He wasn’t even wearing boots, just strappy tan sandals that showed off his big feet.
There was so much love in that picture and all I felt was pathetic jealousy, wondering how a man like him scored a girl like her?
A shiver ricocheted down my spine when I stared into his deep brown eyes, almost like the man could hear all my thoughts.
She’s been in there for a long time…
Rapid racing took over my chest when I realized the fucking mistake I just made.
“Fuck!” I growled out, angry with myself that I forgot the most important rule when dealing with someone who’s attempted suicide. My feet were moving so fast that I could barely keep up with them, barreling toward the tiny bathroom at the end of the hall.
You’re so stupid, Nicholas.
Steam billowed out from the small slat on the floor, and my heart sank when I heard the water running but nothing else. Usually when someone took a shower, you could hear the spray hitting various parts of their body. But all I could hear was it hitting the floor.
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I tried the doorknob, but it was locked, and everything inside me curled with irrational fears.
“Ruby? Ruby, are you okay?”
No answer.
I should’ve checked the bathroom before she took a shower.
“Ruby, please open the door.”
