I blasted my favorite song as soon as I hit the highway heading north. The song was everything I wish I could say to Dean, but knew I couldn’t. I sang it loud in the early morning light, as if the words would help purge the intense emotions I couldn’t seem to let go of.
When I got into Savannah, I went to a small diner off the main highway. My body felt weak from the emotional roller coaster of the last twenty-four hours and the lack of sleep last night. I walked in and grabbed a seat at one of the open booths. It was still early, but the diner had customers.
At one table there were a few rough looking bikers. My gaze skittered past them quickly, not wanting them to pay me any attention. I saw a few truckers that belonged to the big rigs that were parked outside. There were two servers running around filling coffee cups and taking orders. When the middle-aged woman with bright orange hair and kind eyes got to me, I ordered a breakfast sandwich and a pot of coffee.
The server laughed. “You’re too young to be drinking that much coffee, Sweetheart.”
“I got little sleep last night, so I need it.” I shrugged and handed her back the menu.
“Preaching to the choir, Honey.” She gave me a soft smile. “I’ll get this order put in for you. Did you need cream and sugar for your coffee?”
“Please.”
She nodded and walked away, and I looked back out the window. There were cars passing by as people started heading to work and school. Life was continuing for everyone around me, and I felt stuck and trapped in an endless circle of wishes and regrets.
“You are concentrating much too hard.” The same waitress slid a coffee cup right in front of me and put down a few creamers and sugar.
“I’ve got a lot on my mind these days.”
She chuckled softly. “That’s part of growin’ up, Honey.”
I let out a deep sigh, “Yeah. Decisions that could make or break the rest of my life, that’s where I’m at.”
“Jamie.” The server called out. “I’m taking my break. You good?”
“Yeah. I got you,” the lady with blonde hair called back as she set plates down in front of the bikers.
“How old are you?”
“Eighteen.”
“My Lord, you’re just a baby. You have your whole life ahead of you. What decisions are you trying to make that could have an effect that will last a lifetime? Maybe I can give you some perspective?”
“I have two problems.”
“Alright. I can’t promise I know everything, and all final decisions have to be made by you, but… I can give you my two cents—not that it’s worth much more than two cents.”
She chuckled at her own joke and it made me smile. She was kind and I felt at ease with her. Why not? She didn’t know who I was, and I didn’t have to use names.
“Okay. Well, my first problem is I’m supposed to start classes at the local college in a few weeks, and I have no idea what the hell I want to do with the rest of my life. I don’t have a passion for anything. I like to read and write, but that’s about it—and I don’t know if that’s so much a passion as it is a hobby.
I know I don’t want to teach, but what in hell could I do for a job with that other than teach?”
“I see. Well, as someone who wasn’t fortunate enough to go to school, I would have to say that by going and learning about the world, you’ll learn about yourself too. You’ll find your passion, but just remember that passion goes hand in hand with desire. Your passion will change and grow as you do.
“This,” she gestured to the surrounding diner, “isn’t my passion, but it’s a way to meet my desire to eat a good meal and keep a roof over my head. We do what we have to. Very few people out there get to live out their passions. They settle for the desire of being able to pay the bills.”
“You must think I’m a spoiled brat,” I mutter. She was right, I’m fortunate that I would go to school. Not everyone got that opportunity, and what she said made sense. I heard all the time how people went to school for one thing, but the job they end up getting had nothing to do with the education they received.
“Nah. You’re just young and afraid of flying.” She shrugged and offered another smile. “Now, what’s the other problem that has you so torn up this morning?”
“Boy problems.”
“I figured. You have that boy trouble look about you this morning. Did your boyfriend cheat on you or something?”
I laughed, then took a sip of the hot coffee. “No. I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“Lay it on me. Maybe I can help you figure out your boy problems.”
