It was the first time I felt my father’s presence since his passing. Almost like he was standing in front of Galaxy with that gigantic smile plastered on his face, watching my eyes as they filled up with the only tears I could muster. It was a bittersweet happiness--one that I felt deep in my core. Because he wasn’t there, and he’d never be there again.
Something Zodiac said to me that day has stuck with me ever since. “It’s okay to fall apart sometimes, Scorpio. We’ve all been there. You react how you want to react. Don’t let anyone else tell you how you should feel. If you think crying is a sign of weakness, don’t. It shows you’re human, not just some chrome machine.”
It was ironic to hear those words come from him. My father always said that Zodiac wore his emotions on his sleeve, but I never understood what he meant until the day of my father’s funeral.
Zodiac wasn’t afraid to cry or show weakness in front of his men, even after he stepped in as president, taking over the role my father had been in for most of my life. It’s weird, but seeing Zodiac let his emotions go didn’t make me think he was weak, it made me envy him. It takes a strong man to hide his emotions, but it takes an even stronger man to let them fall whenever they’re there. I didn’t blame Zodiac one bit for crying at my father’s funeral. My father was his best friend, and one of the men that helped him build the Celestial Sons MC from the ground up. He loved him, and all that love leaked out of him that day. Gah, I fucking wish I had an ounce of Zodiac’s strength somewhere inside of me, but I don’t. I welled up at the funeral instead, holding every silent emotion in, fading into nothing more than a granite statue made of cold stone and empty emotions.
But Zodiac, hell, he wasn’t afraid to go up against the stigma of men crying being a sign of weakness. He didn’t seem afraid of anything at all actually. It’s kind of sad how we’re taught from an early age, that crying is only for women and babies, and that real men aren’t supposed to cry. It wasn’t like Zodiac was a blubbering mess that cried at the drop of a hat. Hell, I hadn’t seen Zodiac cry until that day, but it was like my father’s death opened an old wound, one that became even more apparent the second Tess, the love of his life, reentered his world. Zodiac had let more tears fall in the few short months that she had returned to Rising Star, than I’d ever seen him shed in all the years I’d known him. She seemed to be his only weakness, and now that they were back together, she has only made him stronger--a man worthy of leading the Celestial Sons MC. He’s happier than I’ve ever seen him, and I was happy too, but that happiness only lasted a few measly days--right up to the rally.
My brothers gave me Galaxy right before the bike rally. It was a gift that Zodiac had been holding onto for me since the day my father passed away. I had no idea they were even planning on giving it to me until they presented it to me at Church, and it took everything I had in me to stay strong, even though I could feel my stone walls shattering apart inside of me. It wasn’t until most of my brothers left that I came unglued, emotions overwhelming every part of me. The pain I felt inside was like a tidal wave of depressing emotions, washing over me over and over again with each hidden piece I had locked away. All the broken tears I never let fall over my father’s death leaked out of me, and for the first time since his death, I felt it all. Every horrible emotion attached to grief and loss attacked me all at once and I couldn’t hold it any longer. That bike was a part of my dad, and receiving it made it feel like he was there, riding along beside me, watching over me and the rest of his brothers.
It’s why the rally hit me so hard. Losing Galaxy was like being shot in the gut with a shotgun. My fucking bike was gone because some asshole stole it at the rally, and it’s absence had me spiraling out of control. It felt like I had lost my dad all over again and the range of emotions I was feeling had me on the verge of murdering anyone who got in my way. I knew the Hell’s Artillery MC had something to do with it, but there was no way of proving it. They could’ve chopped up the custom bike and made a lot of money on her. More than likely, they were holding on to it, gloating over the fact that they had my fucking bike on display in their clubhouse. Fucking 1% bastards. I didn’t give two fucks who they were or what they were capable of, taking Galaxy was a declaration of war, and I was ready to respond in whatever means necessary.
It’s that rash thought process that escalated things too quickly, and I made some choices I’m not too proud of. It was decisions like the one I made that cost Brooklyn her life. She was gone now, and the guilt I felt over our last conversation stuck heavy in my chest. God, why the fuck was I so goddamn mean to her? She didn’t deserve that, she didn’t deserve anything that happened to her.
I’d known for a while how she felt about me, and I didn’t mean to lead her on, but deep down, I knew she couldn’t handle a guy like me. She was too soft--too sweet. I would’ve walked all over a woman like her, and she would have let me. Then, once I got bored, I would’ve left her, hurting her even more in the process. Hurting Brooklyn was something I never wanted to do, but in the end, it’s what happened anyway. My actions ultimately led to her death, and now that she was gone, I was even more ready to bring down every motherfucker in the Hell’s Artillery and rip their fucking hearts out for killing Brooklyn--an innocent girl that didn’t deserve such a horrible, callous death.
Anger coursed through my body as I followed my brothers into the meeting room. Every single one of them had the same somber expression--haunted by what happened to Brooklyn on Zodiac’s wedding day. Whoever gunned her down was going to pay with their life, now I just needed Zodiac’s okay to go after him.
Zodiac entered the room and sat at the head of the table, rubbing at his temples with two fingers on each side. “I don’t know what to do,” he said in exasperation. “We’re supposed to be a non-violent club, but all signs point to the Artillery being involved in Brooklyn’s death. I don’t know why she was targeted, but I also have reason to believe they may have mistaken her for Tess. If that’s the case, then a direct hit was placed on a member’s Ol’ Lady. I don’t want to go to war, but I’m afraid it’s hovering close to our doorstep. I’m not asking you to fight, but I’m also at a loss over what to do.”
I was fucking ready for the fight, every part of me was thrumming to get in the middle of this war and berserker my way through every member of that damn club, leaving a satisfying blood trail behind me. I wasn’t sure where this sudden burst of aggression was coming from, but I kinda like it. It felt good, almost natural in a way.
Archer slightly moved his hands right before he opened his mouth up to speak. “There are times when even the noblest knight has to defy order in order to save the King. We may be on the right side of the law, Zodiac, but shots were fired, and an innocent woman lost her life because of it. We spent years fighting for this country, only to come home and realize that the home we fought for was breaking apart while we were gone. Beretta and his men have called for war, and who better to fight it than a bunch of soldiers who know exactly what it takes to win one?”
Soldiers. That was what most of them were--soldiers that fought for this country and came back haunted and changed. I couldn’t even imagine what they saw while they were overseas, fighting across enemy lines like they did.
Fucking Leo came back without a leg, hardening him to a point I don’t think he can ever come back from. That man was all anger issues and bitterness, while Archer, the only man that was there the day my father died, came back happy and full of faith. He’s never once told anyone what happened that day, even when I begged and pleaded for him to tell me. He’s kept that secret locked up tight, hiding behind his newly found faith and meditations as a way to cope with whatever happened that led him to returning home still breathing, and my father to return home in a mahogany box. I never understood why my father never allowed me to enlist in the military like I wanted. He said that as long as he was still in the military, my mother needed a strong man to stay home with her while he was gone. Had I known he was grooming me to takeover for him, I would’ve probably told him to go fuck himself and enlisted anyway. Some of these men were proud US soldiers, and each one of them had a story they were burning to tell.
“Is this what you all want? Do you know what happens if we start fighting back?” Zodiac exclaimed, snapping me out of my thoughts. His lack of urgency to retaliate was fucking infuriating. We needed to act now, hit them when they least expected it. I didn’t give two fucks if Zodiac wanted to keep the peace, as VP of this MC, it was my job to pipe in when I felt the need, and right now I had a need for blood.
My fists slammed violently against the wood, angry tears pricking my eyes. Fuck who saw me getting emotional, right now the rage inside of me was overwhelming everything else. “I want their blood! I want to fucking end those motherfuckers for what they did to Brooklyn. They killed her, Zodiac. They fucking killed and innocent woman who didn’t deserve to die.” Saying the words out loud dismantled me, I pounded my fists into my head, cursing myself for having a hand in her death--the guilt turning me into a stark-raving lunatic.
Just give me the straight-jacket now. I think I’m gonna need it, Dad.
Zodiac’s hand came down on my shoulders, but I didn’t have the strength to look up at him, too afraid he would see the secret I was hiding within. “If we fucking do this, there’s no turning back. Most of you know what happens when you go to war, it changes you. I wasn’t prepared for a new fight, but I won’t stand here and watch those power-hungry assholes take away what we fought so hard to maintain. All in favor of going to war with the Hell’s Artillery, say Aye.”
“Aye!” the room said in unison.
“Any opposed?” he asked, looking around the room. Hell no I didn’t fucking oppose, I was ready to take those motherfuckers out once and for all. “Most of you know what it’s like to fight for your country. Some of you even fought side by side, but now that one of our own has been threatened, it’s time for you to fight again. We’re heading into battle, men. I hope you’re ready for war because it seems like the enemy is out for our blood and they have no idea who they’re fucking messing with. We may be peaceful, but we sure as fuck aren’t going to go down without a fight. It’s time to show them just what fucking happens when you go to battle with the Celestial Sons.” He slammed the gavel down, making me jump ever so slightly. I was still reeling from my little outburst earlier, trying to calm myself down. “Church dismissed.”
As we filed out of the room, seven deputies from the Sheriff’s office burst through the doors, raiding our clubhouse without warning. “Everybody freeze!” a woman shouted at the top of her lungs. She waved her gun around wildly, pointing it at anyone who dared to move. But fuck, I didn’t see a gun at all, I was entranced by the petite woman standing in front of me, getting lost in her angry green eyes, and picturing what it would be like to run my fingers through those long brown tresses that she currently had pulled into a bun behind her head
Zodiac approached her cautiously, his hands held high in the air. “Ma’am, may I ask what’s going on here?”
“I said freeze!” she growled. The authority in her voice had my cock rising to attention. What the hell was fucking happening?
“Okay, I’m not moving. What seems to be the problem?” Zodiac asked casually, but there was a bit of tension in his voice.
The woman looked around the room, her eyes roaming over each of our faces. She looked exasperated, almost like she was searching for someone specific. “Which one of you assholes is Duncan Buchanan?”
Fuck… that’s my name.
All my brother’s heads turned to look at me, and I stepped out from behind Archer, dropping myself dead center of her angry gaze. “I’m Duncan Buchanan, what seems to be the problem, Deputy?”
“You’re under arrest for the murder of Brooklyn Hawthorne.”
What the actual fuck? How the hell was I being arrested for Brooklyn’s murder? I wasn’t even near the scene of the crime. I was… oh… fuck… this isn’t good at all.
