I scooch closer and bite my lip. “My birthday’s in twenty-three minutes.”
“Shit.” He closes his eyes and takes a long breath. “I didn’t realize. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”
My body feels different than it ever has, good—warm and tingly from the inside out. “I’ll be eighteen.”
He smirks, and his hazel eyes sparkle. “You sure, Blue? ’Cause that means you’re a legal adult, and you’re—”
“I’m yours,” I whisper, and without thinking for another second, I throw myself at him. Our lips brush, and finally,finally, I’m kissing him. He blinks, our eyes connect, and I feel the intensity in my soul, so profound it’s almost scary. But with Ben, I have nothing to fear. He’s safety and hope, and just like our first kiss—perfection.
I need to be closer, so I crawl over him. Straddling his lap, I slide my fingers through his too long hair, and he holds mywaist. His warm skin against mine feels so good a moan rolls up my throat.
Then his grip on me gets tighter, and I’m flying through the air. I land on my ass with a pained cry and look around. The only rational explanation is that Ben heard something and he’s protecting me.
But he’s not on alert. He’s glaring down at me, wiping my lipstick off his face, wiping me away.
Oh my God.
“What the hell, Annie?”
I was wrong…I wassowrong. Oh my God, why did I do that? My skin is no longer warm, but frostbit with pins and needles. I shiver, and my teeth clatter.
“Shit.” Ben reaches down to help me up. His fingers graze my arm, and I swat at him.
I crawl away like a scolded puppy and wish I could disappear right here and now. I’d give anything,give up everything, to be anywhere else. I’m panicked and shaking with no sense of time or space, so when I try to get up so I can run, I whack my temple into the end table.
“Jesus, Annie, calm down. You’re bleeding.”
I am? I don’t care. It’s just a cut, not a wound big enough to bleed out and end my misery, unfortunately. I go to the stairs and rest my forehead on the bottom step. I can’t look at him. I’ll never be able to look at him again. “Oh my God. Oh my God,” I chant over and over, unsure if I’m saying it out loud or just in my head.
“What just happened?” I see his shadow on the floor, and he gets even closer. “Annie, talk to me.”
“No. Go away.” I wipe my face and pull my hand away to see my stupid blood mixed with my stupid pink lipstick. If I wasn’t crying already, I would start now because my favorite color is ruined for eternity.
Ben shoves a wad of tissue in my hand and pushes it up to my face. He gently turns me so I’m leaning against the wall. “Talk to me, Blue. What just happened?”
She’s mine.
“I’m so…sorry.” My breath hitches embarrassingly.
“I don’t want your apology. I want you to explain.”
“Nothing, forget it.” I can’t stop crying. “I’m…I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry.”
“What’d I say about honesty, Annie?”
The truth hurts too much. I whip my head back and forth, but I know he won’t stop until he gets an answer. He deserves an answer. “I don’t know. I…the cookies. I heard you on the phone. You said she’s mine and then my birthday, you said I was an adult and—never mind. It was stupid. I’m so stupid…I’m such a fucking idiot.”
“Aw, dammit.” He crouches, but I still can’t bring myself to look at him. “I care about you a lot, Annie, but…” His voice has that soft tone, and I brace. “It’s kind of like the same way I care about my little sister.”
Oh my God! “Stop…please. This is humiliating. Just leave me alone.” I cover my face and use my hair as a curtain so I don’t have to see him as I try to get away.
He grabs my wrists and won’t let me go, and I hate how much I love his touch, but it’s not mine. He’s not mine. I’m not his—I never will be. A pathetic cry rattles in my throat, and I need him to let me go. I struggle to pull my hands away, but he doesn’t release me, so I kick at him. “Jesus, Annie. Calm down.”
“Leave me alone!” My body arches into him, and I scream again.
“Okay. It’s okay, Annie. Calm down, and I will.”
I do what he says so he’ll let me go.
