“Really?”
He nodded. “I don’t like talking about it. But I will. For you.” Tentatively, he reached out, and I leaned in, my eyes closing at the feel of his palm cupping my cheek. “Only for you. But some details are too harsh to tell you?—”
My eyes flew open. “I can handle it.”
“Please keep your softness, Haz,” he implored, a plea in the depths of his stare. “Seeing it in you reminds me it still exists. Some things I won’t tell you because shielding you from it makes me feel like it wasn’t all for nothing.”
I slid into his arms, fitting my head just under his chin. “I can be soft for you, my hitman. Tell me what you want me to know. But don’t leave out any of the good gossip.”
A sound rumbled out of him, a cross between a laugh and a moan. His arms were the strongest of vises, holding me to him like he was frightened I might disappear.
“The training was bad. Some days, it sort of felt like torture. But we endured, all five of us. Our first mission came. It was in a country I’d never heard of in the armpit of the globe.”
I didn’t ask which country or even comment about there being an armpit of the world. But it was hard. I mean,armpit?
“We went in. The job was supposed to be simple. No more than forty-eight hours.” His voice turned gravely, and new tension corded his muscles.
I began stroking up and down along his spine while pressing kisses against his chest.
The force of his exhale ruffled my hair. “The entire op was a setup, an ambush. They sent my unit in there to die because, for whatever reason, they decided we couldn’t exist.”
Planting my hands on his chest, I pushed back, incredulous. “Your own bosses sent you in there to die?”
“Yes.” He was succinct. “I found out later—well, Ghost did—that?—”
“Wait. Ghost was with you?” I said, scrambling to sit up.
He grunted. “It’s how we met.”
“What happened?” I asked.
“Basically, they sent our unit into a false mission where we were to be slaughtered. Our deaths would be labeled as casualties of war due to a failed mission.”
“Why couldn’t they just assign you to another unit?” I wondered. Killing men who pledged to serve their country was beyond treacherous. It was evil.
“Because of our training. We could have claimed abuse. Hazing. Misuse of power. We also knew stuff we weren’t supposed to because, at one time, they really planned to utilize us.”
I didn’t even bother to ask what info he knew because it didn’t matter. No information was worth his life. Nothing was. “So what changed?”
His face morphed, features turning to chiseled granite as if he were so disgusted it petrified his bones. “Corruption. Hefty bribes for our government to look the other way from the shit we were trained to take down.” He made a sound. “Money talks. And, apparently, it deserves more loyalty than flesh-and-blood men.”
I flung myself forward, not thinking about my aches and pains or the stitches in various limbs. All I could think aboutwas how wronged he was. How people he thought he could trust used, abused, and betrayed him in the most crooked way.
The breath whooshed out of him with a grunt when I landed, but he rolled onto his back, bringing me with him so I was lying across his chest.
Pressing my ear over his heart, I listened to the rhythm and thought what a shame it would have been if those people had their way all those years ago and it ceased to beat.
It explained a lot about Kieran. His disgruntled disposition, broody silence, and watchful eyes. All the times I’d teased him for being a neat freak and anal seemed cruel now because his need for organization was likely born from the chaos of having no control over his fate.
I pushed my arms between his back and the mattress, hugging him as tight as I could, and smiled a little when the rhythm of his heart increased.
I understood now why I was his doll. Why my big eyes, slight frame, and innocence seemed to be such a surprise.
“Don’t feel sorry for me.” The words rumbled through his chest, a thunderstorm right there behind his beating heart.
“I’m not.”
He scoffed.
