I look at Luc. ‘We don’t have anything else planned, right?’
‘I thought maybe you’d like to come to a football game with my family in a few weeks?’
Luc’s family are big on football, even if he’s not. I’ve only met his mum, but his brother plays for Chelsea, although he is currently out with a torn Achilles. His dad was a physio at Fulham before he retired. And meeting Luc’s family? Properly? Getting them involved with the press? That terrifies me. At least I won’t have to lie to their faces.
‘Yeah, sounds good,’ I say.
Mimi looks at me carefully, analysing every pore on my face. ‘You seem a lot happier, Sienna.’ She grins. ‘Your cheeks are all pink.’
Jess glances at me, the glint in her eye telling me she knows why. Or she knows what shethinksthe reason is.
‘It was nice to be able to feel semi-normal again, like maybe I don’t have to take such strict control of everywhere I go and everything I do.’ I pause for a few moments. ‘Sure, maybe in some tourist-heavy locations like the theatre.’ I turn to Mimi. ‘I know these outings were still pre-agreed with you, but actually–’ I look at Luc and use my hand to cover mymouth before stage whispering, ‘Don’t let me admit this to him, but I quite liked being surprised.’
I pick up one of the papers and look at the crossed-out T shape sketched for the stage.
‘We want to make this tour anevent,’ Mimi says.
‘Well, it’ll probably be my last tour.’
Mimi’s eyes bulge. ‘What? Why?’
‘If I can’t sing, what is the point in me going on tour?’ I question. ‘If I don’t get rid of the polyps in the next few months and I go on tour with them still there and irrevocably fuck my vocal cords forever, that’s my career over.’
‘Don’t catastrophise,’ Jess warns. ‘There are things we can do.’
I should get used to the idea of retiring now. Find something to do with my career that doesn’t involve using my voice. I pick at the skin around my fingers sadly.
CHAPTER 16
LOVE ON THE HORIZON
TRACK 10 | SECRET GARDENS
I haven’t always been a complete Grinch when it comes to love. Therewas a time when I first started out in the industry that I thought I would find someone. I’d watched Jess fall in love with Henry slowly, over many years. I wanted something like that. I’ve always wanted something like that. But watching how spectacularly something can break down, how much it can hurt. No matter how much you loved them. I don’t know if I have it in me to go through something like that.
I spentthe last four weeks with a vocal therapist, rehearsing choreography and not singing under any circumstances. I have to stop even speaking as soon as my voice gets sore, and the vocal therapist has taught me some techniques to help heal what’s broken.
It means that Luc and I have a slight cooling-off period. A bit of space away from each other to make the world wonder what we’re up to, which Mimi and Jess agreed would be great to build intrigue. And today we aretogether again, so we can give people a dose of us right before tickets go on sale.
I’ve barely left the house, other than for rehearsals. Luc actually did have edits to do on his script that day when he said he wouldn’t stay for the meeting with Mimi and Jess. He finished them up yesterday and sent them back to his agent.
Perhaps Mimi saw that we needed time away from each other. That the boundaries were blurring, the rules were breaking.
She was right. The space away has let my brain overtake my heart’s desires, to remind myself of all the reasons that Luc and I wouldn’t work outside of this arrangement.
Luc and I have exchanged a few messages, keeping each other in the loop on what’s happening. He keeps checking up on how I’m feeling and how my voice is, offering to come over and keep me company on long nights where my legs are too restless to sleep after rehearsals. But there were no charity galas or movie premieres in the calendar, and the experience with the theatre seems to have scared Luc off from doing something ‘normal’ with me. I’m not surprised.
My life is clearly already too much for him.
But now he’s in front of me for the first time in four weeks, and all that confusion comes rushing back. I don’t feel how I did at the start of our arrangement. I don’t even feel the same as I did a month ago, when he left my house after the theatre.
And today I’m meeting his family, which simply adds even more confusing feelings to the mix.
There’s something about being at Wembley for a football game which makes me feel like I can be anyone. Even though we’re surrounded by mostly men of all ages, they’re not paying attention to me in my baseball-cap-and-sunglasses disguise. There are a few side glances and stares, but there’s not enough time to double take before Dennis, Luc, a further two security guards and I have walked up Wembley Way.
Luc reaches out and takes my hand to pull me back as Ibegin to wander towards one of the stands where you can purchase scarves and other merchandise items. Dennis is walking a few paces behind us in case anything goes awry – it’s his team playing, and he was thrilled to get an invite. To be able to go to Wembley with me, but without needing to follow me around a stage. Kareem drove us all the way here but didn’t fancy staying for the match so he’s going to use the opportunity to have a little walk around Hampstead Heath in the thirty-degree heat.
We didn’t walk all the way from Wembley Park stadium but joined a little of the way up from one of the side roads. And I’m glad we didn’t do the whole thing because my disguise isn’t working as I’d hoped. There are already cameras pointing in our direction, trying to catch a glimpse of me and Luc. I use the opportunity to pull him in and kiss him for the first time in exactly twenty-eight days and three hours. But who’s counting?
