It was all too perfect. Maybe that’s what scared me. What made me run.
Usually for me now, it’s sex and sleep. Cuddling up with someone breaks all my boundaries of a casual fling. I never wanted to lead them on when I was only after one thing.
My eyes are fluttering closed, the heat and the comfort overwhelming me with sleep. I try to fight it.
Luc presses a warm kiss against the top of my head. ‘I want to know that we’re doing this because we’re us and not because we’re anyone,’ he whispers.
I’m usually an active sleeper, waking up with the pillows thrown on the floor, the duvet half hanging off the bed. But we’re still in the same position when I come to. Luc is already awake, watching the tele on silent to let me sleep. It’s an oldrerun ofFriends, the subtitles telling us the audience are laughing. I pull myself off Luc’s chest, a crook in my neck screaming.
‘Hey,’ I say, conscious of my morning breath in his face. The back of my throat is shredded, my voice husky. I gulp down the water from Luc’s bedside table.
‘Hi,’ he smiles. He hesitates for a second before reaching up and brushing his lips across mine. He surveys my face, waiting for my reaction, waiting to see if last night’s desires have translated into today, or whether I’m ready to run. But I’m pliable with sleep so, to answer the question he didn’t ask, I put my head back down on his chest. I rise and fall with the movements of his breath, my body sticky with sweat.
‘My doctor is coming over this afternoon,’ I say. ‘She’s got my results for my voice.’ My voice is taking longer than usual to come back this morning. The water hasn’t helped in the same way it usually does. I sound like I still have the cold which caused all these problems.
‘Are you nervous?’
I shrug, trying to brush off the nausea in the pits of my stomach. ‘Not really. Whatever she says, we’ll work with it.’
‘It’s okay to be anxious about it, Sienna. This is your livelihood.’
A singular tear slips over my waterline, and I try to catch it before Luc spots it. Unsuccessful. When a tear falls from the other eye, Luc brushes it away before I know it’s there.
‘If I let myself spiral now I will tornado into oblivion,’ I whisper.
Luc winces. ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ he asks. ‘Do you want me to be there for the appointment?’
I shake my head. ‘I think that will raise more questions that I don’t have an answer for right now,’ I reply. I shake off the emotion and force my performance smile onto my face. ‘Coffee?’
‘Oh, please.’ Luc practically salivates at the thought.
I climb out of bed and locate my slippers, strewn across the floor. Luc follows, walking down the stairs with his hands on my shoulders. When we get to the bottom, I find myself reaching out and holding his hand.
Pulling the cafetière out of the bottom cupboard, Luc stands behind me, hands on either side of my hips while I dump ground coffee in the bottom. Luc drops his face on my shoulder, and I lean into him, turning around in his grasp so we’re face-to-face, body-to-body.
‘Currently wondering why I distracted us with rules last night,’ Luc breathes into my ear.
‘You made your bed.’
‘I can stand by making that bed and also regret it.’
‘Morning,’ Jess’s voice filters into the kitchen from the doorway.
Luc and I splinter apart like shrapnel. It’s no use. Jess has seen all she needs to see. To her credit, she doesn’t mention it. She lets us pretend she’s walked in on us sipping the coffee I haven’t finished making and standing on other sides of the kitchen.
‘Mimi said she’ll be over around half past ten, if that sounds good to you, Sie?’
‘Sure. What for?’
‘Tour updates and, erm.’ She looks down and picks at her gel manicure. ‘Progress with Luc, I think.’
Is she blushing?
‘You can join us if you like, Luc?’ she offers.
‘That’s a very kind offer, Jess,’ Luc says.
Is it?
